


all over me like a wine-stained dress

by screaminghalfpastmidnight



Series: happy endings aren't overrated [1]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Dad!Barry Allen, Domestic Fluff, Pre-Crisis Timeline, Season/Series 05, Time Travel, iris west appreciation club, mama!iris west, nora goes into the past and saves everyone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:55:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 63,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28049610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/screaminghalfpastmidnight/pseuds/screaminghalfpastmidnight
Summary: in the original Earth-1 timeline, Nora West-Allen helps her father punch the satellite with a plan in mind. Reeling off of the death of her best friend, Lia and then betrayal of her mother, her best friends, and her fiancé, Mia, Nora pays Eobard Thawne a visit and enlists his help in moving Crisis up a few years, therefore saving both her own father, and Oliver Queen. She knew it was a one-way trip. What she didn't know was that it would end up being so hard to follow through on her suicide mission, because she got a taste of what it was like to have a father, and to have her mother actually turn out to be pretty damn great.ORa short, season five rewrite where Nora is the all-knowing hero who is the reason Oliver could create Earth-Prime in the first place. Plus, some family fluff (no episode 17-20 barry-taking-nora-back-to-the-future BS), Iris West-Allen Love, and a little xstar because i wanted to.
Relationships: Barry Allen & Iris West & Nora West-Allen, Barry Allen & Nora West-Allen, Barry Allen & Oliver Queen, Barry Allen/Iris West, Eobard Thawne & Nora West-Allen, Iris West & Nora West-Allen, Mia Smoak/Nora West-Allen
Series: happy endings aren't overrated [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1576168
Comments: 26
Kudos: 53
Collections: Collection of x-star Works





	1. rain came pouring down

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Clean" by Taylor Swift
> 
> TW KIND OF SELF HARM: (spoilers) there's a scene where Nora is cutting the dampener chip out of her body - the paragraph starts with 'she grabs the first aid kit' and it's over within that paragraph
> 
> this starts with mia's pov just to get the story started and then moves into nora's  
> you don't have to read the other stories in this series but it might help to read the notes of the series, just to help you get a better understanding of the timeline debacle.
> 
> happy reading :)

_you’re still all over me like a wine-stained dress i can’t wear anymore_

Mia didn’t really know what love was. That wasn’t supposed to be sardonic or self-pitying, she’d just never had a good model that taught her what it was like or how to keep it. Her dad was dead and her mother refused to even look into seeing other people and the most she’d seen of romantic love had been from movies and tv shows, but she was smart enough to realize that it was all fabricated and quite literally _romanticized._

She knew her parents had been in love and she knew that her mom loved her more than words, but there wasn’t much she could take from either of those facts. Their neighbour had been trying to set her up with her son for as long as she could remember but he was condescending and stuck in the past and way too misogynistic for a twenty-five year old. In her high school years, she’d had a few flings but her daddy issues had bitten her in the ass and the second someone uttered the word ‘commitment’ she was out of there.

There was one person, though. _Nora_. They’d been distant friends since they were kids; their moms were friends, although all Mia knew was that Mr. Allen was one of her father’s best friends and he had died a long time ago, too. Over all of the years, Iris West-Allen was the only friend Mia’s mother had, and in turn, Nora was Mia’s. Mia was a few years older than her, but Nora was infinitely wiser and always knew exactly what to say - Felicity said she got that from her father. 

When they were babies, they’d play on the floor of Iris’ kitchen while the adults talked. As teens, they’d talk on the phone every second week and knew all of each other's secrets. Nora would call her when she was in a fight with her mom (they’d never gotten along - Mia thinks Nora reminds her way too much of Mr. Allen and Iris was never cut out for life without him, but that’s just her take) and Mia would spend hours talking about how lonely it was at the cabin and detailing her plans to move to the big city after high school and actually get a fucking _life_. They fell a little out of touch after Mia graduated and realized she couldn’t leave her mom behind just to get out of their little cabin, but she knew Nora understood. 

When she’s twenty, Nora eighteen, Mia finds out that her mom has been a vigilante for her entire life _and_ has been straight lying about it. The pain is seething and the worst she’s ever felt ( _can’t she get a fucking break?_ ) and she heads straight to Central City, where she sleeps in Nora’s closet for a night. Nora thinks she’s unbelievably stupid for running away and they get into a fight while her mom’s busy meeting with a client and Mia hates that she’s letting everything get to her.

“You, of all people, cannot tell me to go back to my mother!” Nora sucks her cheek in at the comment and looks down at the floor, immediately making Mia feel guilty, but she stays silent.

Nora takes a deep breath, pushing her anger down and placing her hands on her hips. “For as long as I’ve known you, your mom’s been your favourite person in the universe. You know I can’t say the same about mine.” Mia wants to say that _Nora’s_ always been her favourite person, but she knows that’ll just dig her a deeper grave. “I’m not going to make you go back and I will support you however I can, but I will tell you that you are the type of person that makes up your mind about something and then that’s it. No room for growth or change.”

Mia sighs, running a hand through her hair and pushing the tears back. Everything she’s ever known has been a lie and the one person she’s always looked to has betrayed her. She believes that with every cell in her body and she’s on fire with rage but she can’t deny how right Nora is. Mia _hates_ change. For fuck’s sake, her entire life’s been the exact same. She’s had the same belief system since she was a kid and when someone shows her who they really are, she believes them. Really, she should be looking at who she’s known her mom to be for twenty years, but hasn’t that all been a lie too?

“Mia…” Nora sighs, shaking her head somberly, as if she’s already tired of what’s to come before it’s even happened. “Between the two of us, we’ve got two dead parents. Let’s not lose the better of the two we’ve got left.”

If this were any other day (disregarding the fact that they haven’t spoken in nearly two years), Mia would tell her to ease up on her mom because truthfully, Iris West-Allen is not a bad parent and Nora has trouble seeing that her mother is a person who has been dealt a really bad hand. She understands it in a way. It’s been those two forever and they’re unbelievably alike, so ‘butting heads’ always ends up escalating and neither one of them can look at the situation objectively, the way Mia and her own mother have always talked about. She’d been told stories about how strong and badass Iris is her whole life, but she’s Nora’s best friend, so she has to support her, even if her anger is often misplaced. She supposes that’s what Nora’s doing for her right now.

Mia takes her hands in hers, pulling her so that they can sit on the bed, facing each other. “Look, I can’t go back home, but I will figure it out and I’ll keep in contact with you. You can tell my mom I’m okay, but please don’t tell her where I go.”

Nora grips her hands tighter, staring down at them. “I can do that.” She nods, pausing for a moment, looking up at her hesitantly. “I missed you, you know.”

“Missed you back.” Mia smiles, running her thumb along the back of their hands.

She sends her off with a hug in the morning once her mom’s already left for work and once Mia gets to Star City, she realizes how much of a shithole it truly is. She finds a cheap apartment above a cage-fighting ring that the owner let her keep after watching her take down a few guys once, making her promise to continue being his ‘best fighter’. Nora hates the idea, but she keeps her mouth shut about it and patches up Mia’s cuts and cleans up the apartment when she comes to visit. She can’t get out to Star City very often, too busy with her CSI interning job (Mia personally thinks it’s stupid as hell to make a career choice based on your dead father, but she tried to talk her out of it in high school and they didn’t talk for a month), but Mia takes every chance to see her she can get.

She meets Connor Hawke at the ring after he bet a hell of a lot of money on her and while she’s not the best with trusting people at the moment, she feels connected to him somehow… like they were always meant to know each other. He clicks with Nora immediately and makes an off-hand joke one time at the apartment about how they’re definitely marrying each other that makes Nora blush, and Mia thinks that this _thing_ they’ve been dancing around since they were preteens might not be as one-sided as she initially thought. The fluttery feeling isn’t acted on until a few vigilantes show up at the ring and start asking questions about her mom and Mia feels unbelievably guilty because while her mother is excellent at ‘going missing’, she hasn’t been answering her calls over the last few days and Mia hasn’t physically seen her in months and people asking around about Felicity Smoak is a bad sign. 

Connor wrings his hand together as he leans against her crummy kitchen counters and spills the truth. He’s an agent from Knightwatch, his parents are John Diggle and Lyla Michaels, who Mia knows to be as close as family to her mother, and he was told to watch over her once Felicity went missing, per his father’s request. She’s hurt, _again_ and she’s sick and tired of no one being honest with her so she runs straight to the West-Allen residence and Nora takes her in her arms like it’s where she belongs.

“How am I ever supposed to know who I can trust?” Her voice is so low it’s almost a whisper and Nora clutches her tighter, looking her in the eye.

“You will always, _always_ have me. That’ll never change.” The look she’s given is sincere and suddenly there’s no doubt in her mind that no matter how fucked up her life is, Nora West-Allen is a constant. She kisses her, quick and uncertain but Nora smiles when they pull apart and Mia thinks she made the right decision. That’s been at _least_ ten years in the works.

They stay silent for a few moments, holding hands, matching smiles spreading their cheeks until Nora looks at her again, eyes serious. “So, don’t bite my head off for saying this, but I think we can trust Connor too.”

Mia sighs, shaking her head and not ready for a serious conversation to ruin their moment but Nora continues on. “Connor loves us. I know you don’t throw that word around because of your tough-as-nails rep but you love him, too. And so do I. I don’t think that he did this to hurt us and we have to look at this from his perspective. His dad asked him to look out for you as a mission, but he got his best friends out of it. I don’t think that’s a crime. I also think we have to recognize that he actually _told_ you, even though I’m sure giving away your secret identity when you work for a government agency is illegal.”

Mia stares at her softly, lost on the fact that with Nora, it’s always been _we_ and _us_. She doesn’t know what to say and she’ll be damned if she keeps having to mutter the words ‘you’re right’ to her so she just kisses her softly, lying down on the bed after, staring up at the ceiling. “Let’s get some sleep.” She mumbles and Nora doesn’t say a word, just slides in right beside her, shutting the lamp off. She simultaneously hates and loves how easy it all is with her, how Nora knows her so well and they can move around each other perfectly, like second nature. 

Three days later, it all goes to shit.

Not with Nora. No, they immediately moved from best friends to girlfriends and are quite good at it, even from different cities.

But, once again, Mia’s starting to realize that everything she once believed was a lie and as previously stated, she’s never done well with change. As it turns out, she has a brother. William Harris. That, and Felicity Smoak is missing and possibly in an insane amount of danger. Not to mention, the ex-members of Team Arrow are trying to find her but refuse to do it together (which, yeah… she _did_ hold a knife to Dinah’s throat and almost beat the shit out of Zoe, but shit’s been rough). Later, William rambles on with an insane amount of questions and if Mia didn’t know any better, she’d say he’s Felicity’s biological son (though they were mother and son for _years_ apparently). Mia finds a clue in the Rubix cube and William decides they have to find their mom together, which Mia somehow finds a bit of relief in.

Because their mother is archaic and left them a message on a fucking _tape_ , they have to go find a cassette player and there’s an issue with William being too easily deceived (which, for fuck’s sake, how are they related?) but they listen to the coordinates and their mother clearly states that they should not come after her, though Mia’s never been one to listen to what she’s told. She’s glad William is the same, at least in terms of the mother who abandoned him and then ‘died’. 

She calls Nora on the way there and she begs her to be careful while being way too excited about the fact that Mia has a brother and starts planning her outfit for when she meets him. Mia fails to not find it cute.

  
Despite how pissed off she is about the whole situation, she’s glad Connor followed them and sort of saves their asses with his Knightwatch persona. That, and she likes kicking ass with him. Witnessing her mother and Will only makes her angry, knowing that she had a whole other kid that Mia was never told about, though Will should probably be more angry than her, after being abandoned for twenty years. She figures it out with her mom, though. Mostly because all she can think about is how Nora’s birthday was last week and all her mom did was send a text, too busy chasing down a lead in Metropolis. Also, because she’s tired of letting the pain decide who she’s going to be and what she’s going to believe. Her father was a good man, he _saved_ people. She should’ve been proud of him and of her mom. 

Stopping Galaxy One is her first taste of heroism and it’s a total drug; giving her the chance to use her skills and what she knows to clean up the city that was supposed to be her and Will’s home. She’d be more enthusiastic about it if her mom didn’t just up and leave. She knows she went off to die, so that she could be reunited with her husband. Mia’s not stupid and neither is Will, nor is Felicity subtle. She’s pissed as all hell that her mother thinks she can just _decide_ when her kids don’t need her anymore and she’s even more pissed when Will isn’t half as angry as she is, just sad. 

“I’ve seen the way she loved Dad, and the way he loved her. I can’t blame her for wanting to get back to that.” He says, as if it’s that simple. She wonders if maybe it is. She’s never known love like that.

But then it hits her that she already knew she was going to call Nora after this and possibly even go to Central City even just to sit on one end of the couch and watch her while she studies in silence, because being around her is better than being alone and Mia thinks she gets it. She thinks - no, _knows_ she’s in love.

Nora barely gets a _hello_ out before she’s telling her as much.

\--

The next generation of Team Arrow doesn’t come together as well as any of them had hoped and Mia knows she’s the main problem. She just doesn’t know how to _not_ be alone. A year into their relationship and every fight she’s ever had with Nora has been something to do with that simple fact. Will tells her something about their father being the same and it really doesn’t make her feel better.

She is trying, though. The team knows and appreciates it, and they tell her as much, as if giving her little victories will help her learn to completely lean on them eventually. Nora says that’s normally how things work, but Mia’s less than optimistic that anyone can change _that_ much. Still, they’ve made progress and put away bad guys and no one’s gotten killed yet so she thinks that she must be doing something right. 

It's three years of learning and bonding and learning to trust each other that actually kind of leads to their team becoming a well-oiled machine. It's still difficult - vigilantes are still pretty much banned and there's multiple warrants out for their arrest, but hey! That's nothing new. Despite it all, there are people that Mia can turn to now, not just Nora. She's got a damn good brother; two of them if she's including Connor which at this point, it'd be kind of offensive not to. Zoe's a little hard to reach sometimes but Mia's the same way, and they've learned how to let each other through the walls they build, finding things that they specifically can help each other with - Zoe's a great listener and Mia's great at taking punches.

After a little over three years, Nora has moved out of her mom’s and into an apartment with her college friend Lia, who Mia likes well enough and once they hit the four and a half year mark, she graduates with Honours which makes Mia's heart soar with pride. The entire team attends the graduation, cheering the loudest when she walks across the stage but Iris West-Allen is nowhere to be found. Mia’s got half a mind to track her down and shove the two of them in a room together so they can sort out their issues. It’s miscommunication, she knows. Iris doesn’t think she’s wanted there and Nora doesn’t think she wants to be there. 

They have their own little party at the bunker, eating pizza and laughing when Zoe makes some joke that they’re all sort of like distant cousins because their parents were so close, and Mia realizes that having a complete family is something she never thought she’d get. Yeah, her mom’s gone and she’ll never know her father but this little family she’s created and is only half-related to through like, godparent shit, is pretty damn perfect. Her mind drifts to the ring she knows sits in the wooden box in her bottom drawer that she’d stolen from the cabin after her mom left and she thinks she wants it on Nora’s finger. 

She freaks herself out about it for a while and doesn’t actually take it out until they’re another three years into their relationship and coincidentally, Mia’s all banged up from their latest fight with the deathstrokes, who are becoming increasingly harder to catch with time. Nora’s sitting beside her on the sofa, nose buried in an array of papers over the coffee table that she wants to get a jump start on before work and Mia just _knows._

She reaches into her bag and pulls it out, tapping Nora on the shoulder and holding it up. “Will you marry me?”

She’s stared at for at least a minute afterwards and for a split-second, Mia thinks she’ll say no. Then, Nora whispers, “One minute.” before darting out of the room and returning with a ring of her own. 

“You should have one, too. This is the one my Papa Joe gave to Mama Cecile.” Mia grins, extending her finger for Nora to slip it on, then doing the same with hers. Mia's honestly a little touched; she hasn't laid eyes on that ring in years and wasn't sure she ever would again.

“My dad gave this to my mom. It’s sort of like the family ring because it was his mom’s before that. When my mom left, she sort of insinuated that I could give it to you.” Nora giggles, cupping Mia’s cheeks and kissing her softly. 

“Smartest woman I know.” 

Things were good. Really good.

Until, as the story usually goes with them, everything went to shit a few weeks later. 

\--

The case TA were working on had taken a turn, now involving a metahuman, which none of them were really equipped to deal with. Connor had called Nora - at three in the morning, might she add - and asked for her and her partner to help them out with their CSI work and so Nora and Lia had made the trip from Central City and tried to contain her grin when Will placed a Knightwatch lanyard around her neck.

The case lasts three days, most of which Nora spends listening to Mia’s muttered comments about how she doesn’t like ‘the legal way’ as Connor put it, having only recently placed TA under Knightwatch jurisdiction ('recently' meaning two years ago but Mia doesn't play well with others, okay?). Despite her whining, Nora’s proud of the way Mia’s been handling herself. It’s rare she gets to see her fiancé at work, and even more rare that she sees her being a team player. Felicity always said she got that from her dad.

Nora and Lia weren’t supposed to be in the field.

But something went wrong and the rest of the team was called in for backup so instead of staying at the bunker, they went to get what they needed themselves. Which in hindsight, was really fucking stupid.

Godspeed was there. And then all of a sudden, Lia wasn’t. As in - wasn’t even _alive_ anymore. She’d been taken to the hospital but pronounced dead pretty much as soon as they got there and then Nora was sitting against the wall outside, watching her icy breath leave her own mouth.

She hears familiar footsteps and then a body drops down beside her - Mia. She sits facing her, but Nora stares straight ahead, cheeks still wet, though no more tears are falling. “I called your mom.” Mia whispers cautiously. “She’s not coming.”

Nora’s eyes slip shut, only nodding when Mia whispers again. “I’m so sorry.”

She hears more footsteps and opens her eyes to see Connor, Will and Zoe, all sporting matching guilty expressions. “So are we. I don’t even know what to say…” Connor trails off but Nora shakes her head.

“Thank you, but it’s not on you guys. We made a choice.” Nora chews the inside of her lip, thinking. “I just… I didn’t think. I guess neither of us did.”

Will nods, placing a hand on Connor’s shoulder. “Well, we’re gonna go see if anyone’s contacted her family. We’ll take care of whatever needs to be done now.”

“Yeah, you don’t have to worry about anything.” Zoe’s soft voice chimes in and Nora forces herself to give them a small smile.

“Thank you.” She says quietly as they give her one last glance before making their way inside the hospital, Mia staying put. Nora places her hand on her fiancé’s arm, rubbing it for a minute before asking, “Can you go get me a coffee, please?”

Mia seems to understand that that’s code for wanting to be alone, so she just nods, kissing her forehead and whispering, “Yeah, I can do that.” before following after the rest of them.

Nora’s not out there for too long before she senses a figure watching her from the shadows. She lifts herself up from the ground and steps closer, scoffing once she realizes who it is. “Now’s _really_ not the time.”

Eobard moves closer to her, arms crossed, looking small for the first time. “We need to talk.”

“The last time I saw you, I was ten. What could we possibly have to talk about?”

He takes a deep breath, stares at her closed off stance and her annoyed gaze, and then he talks. And talks. And talks. And that’s how she finds out. Her father was the Flash, her friends knew about it, her _fiancé_ knew about it, and all because of her mother, it was kept from her.

When he’s finished, she tells him she never wants to see him again and surprisingly, he leaves without another word. When Mia and the rest of the group returns, she asks the question she’s sure she already knows the answer to. “Did you know my father was the Flash?” The look on Mia’s face says it all, as it drops into a guilty look, her eyes staring at the ground. Nora huffs, blinking away another bout of tears. “Of course you did.”

“Nora, I’m so sorry. Your mom…” Nora cuts Mia off, her hands coming up to run through her own hair in frustration.

“Yeah, I know, Mia. I know it was my mom’s decision, but you still lied to me. All of you did. For _years_.” The rest of the group shift in their spots, the guilty expressions back on their faces. She knows them well enough to know they understand they’re not coming back from this. Not something this big. “I mean, that’s the reason we know each other. Because our dads were superheroes together. I don’t know how I didn’t see it.”

Mia takes a step forward, grimacing as Nora takes a step back. “Nora, this isn’t on you.”

“You’re right.” Nora sniffs, shaking her head. “It’s on you. It’s on my mom. It’s… it’s on my _dad_. Twenty-five years dead and he’s somehow still ruining my life.”

“We’re so sorry. We just wanted to respect your mother’s wishes.” Will adds, and she notices his hand squeezing Zoe’s tightly. “We made a mistake.”

Nora looks down at her left hand and slowly slides the engagement ring off her finger, ignoring Mia’s protests. “Yeah, you did. But you guys are the ones that have to live with that. We’re done here. We’re all done.” She says, as she grabs Mia’s hand and places the ring in it before she walks away into the night, hands in her pockets, shoulders shaking but not from the cold.

The walk back to her apartment gives her way too much time to think and she only grows angrier. They were supposed to get _married_. And Mia was willing to go into that whilst knowing that she’s been lying for as long as they’ve known each other?

And her mother… Nora tries to look at it from a clearer perspective than her own. She knows she tends to use her mom as a punching bag, partly because they’ve never really gotten along in the first place, and partly because she was just _there_. But she’s asked about her father a million times and only ever gotten in trouble when she was a kid and into screaming matches when she got old enough to want to stand her ground. Still, she knows barely anything about her dad. Her mother told her that his name was Barry Allen, he was a CSI and he loved her more than words. But that’s it. And now, she finds out that her mother had the nerve to hide the one part of her that can connect her to her dad, something she’s longed for since she knew how to talk.

She’s still crying when she makes it into her and Lia’s bathroom, although she supposes it’s just hers now. Maybe, if she had her speed, it would still be _theirs_. She stares at her reflection in the mirror, sniffling and trying to get her breathing right before her eyes fall to her collarbone. She pulls at her shirt from under her leather jacket and lets her fingers graze over the scar she’s had there for a lifetime. Then, she gets an idea. 

She grabs the first aid kit she keeps in the cupboard from when Mia crashes here, oftentimes refusing to get cleaned up at the bunker, and sets it on the table. She removes her jacket and her shirt and sets herself up, before using the scalpel to trace the scar line, wincing in pain as she uses her fingers to feel around for the chip she knows is in there. Once it pops out and falls to the floor, she works quickly to suture her self-inflicted wound, giving herself a few stitches and cleaning up the blood around her, as well as her own tears from the pain. She wonders how it’s possible that Mia never cried from pain when it was Nora stitching _her_ up.

She kneels down and picks up the chip, placing it on the bathroom counter and just staring at it after rinsing off the remaining blood. She can clearly see STAR LABS inscribed on the back of it, which she knows is the laboratory that used the building the Flash Museum is now in. She peers out the bathroom door and looks towards her kitchen, figuring she should probably find out if taking the chip out actually worked before she makes any further plans to investigate. She takes a step towards the fridge and is there in an instant, almost toppling over from surprise. She screws around with her new-found abilities for a while, gets changed and then runs all the way to the Flash Museum, the rush of the run enough to make her smile for the first time tonight.

She stumbles across what looks like an old secret storage room, with Flash suits and a ring and then uncovers a white podium, with a glowing blue circle that starts up the minute she looks ahead. She’s faced with an AI, called Gideon, who seems to have expected that she was coming. Gideon asks her if she wants to see a message from her father and it’s all Nora can do to nod, though she realizes she has to speak in order for Gideon to play it.

Her father appears on the screen, clearly in the midst of the battle that took him from her.

_Nora… I don’t have much time. If you’re watching this, that means you’re like me. You have powers! It also means I wasn’t there to help you learn how to use them. I wasn’t there for a lot of things. Remember, my sweet Nora. Always remember, I love you. I always will._

There’s a loud bang and then his face is frozen, the video over and Nora’s mesmerized. She’s seen photos of him before. There’s a few in her mother’s bedroom, one in their kitchen and one at her office, but this is different. This is meant for _her_. She watches it again and again until she can no longer hold in the broken sounds of her pain, as she slips to the ground, a hand covering her mouth as if that would silence her cries.

She doesn’t know how long she’s there for when the other-worldly being appears, introducing himself as Mar Novu, someone her father and Mia’s father made a deal with in order to protect their children.

"Some time ago, I gave the Queen children the chance to go back in time to say goodbye to their father. I’m here offering you the same one.”

Nora’s silent for a minute, staring at her father’s face on the screen, trying to imagine what his voice sounded like when she was listening to the video, and she can’t hear it. “I don’t want to say goodbye. I want to change it.” She says, with as much confidence as she can muster, turning to look at him. “Is it possible?”

“It is.” He says, calmly. “But it involves great sacrifice. A sacrifice I cannot aid you in. I am bound by the deal I made with your father, to protect you. I cannot send you off to death. The choices you make must be yours, with zero influence from me.”

Nora shakes her head in frustration, taking a shaky breath. “But I _just_ got my powers, I don’t know anything about my father outside of the Flash Museum. How will I know how to stop it?”

“You must go to Eobard Thawne.” Novu replies. “Not the version you know, but the one who exists in this time. The one who is to be executed in two days time.”

“How do you know he’ll help me?” She frowns. She remembers the early days when he’d show up at the park when she was playing and talk with her while her mother wasn’t looking, or when he’d sit and order food at the restaurant she waitressed at. She always thought she’d imagined him. She sort of wishes she did.

“Because you can give him what he wants. Freedom.”  
  


Nora lets out a gasp. “ _That’s_ the sacrifice? Letting the Reverse Flash free?”

“One of many. The question is, are you willing to make them to save your father?”

Nora barely has to think about it. If letting Eobard out of prison means saving her father’s life, then can’t her father just put him back in prison again?

She leaves Novu at Star Labs and heads towards the final person she knows she has to see before Eobard. Her mother. 

She waits for her on her mother’s sofa, leaning against the arm of it, turning over the chip in her hand. When the doorknob turns, she closes her fist and watches as her mom jolts at the sight of her. “Nora.” Her mother says in surprise, and Nora knows she’s wondering how her daughter got here so fast. “Honey… I am so sorry about Lia.”

Nora jumps in immediately, staring at Iris intensely as if it’ll force answers out of her. “Why weren’t you there?”

Iris frowns, voice somber as she describes what she said to Mia. “I was chasing a lead. By the time I got there, you probably would’ve been home already.”

“You could’ve tried. You could’ve said ‘I’m on my way, honey. Just wait for me’. You know, I had to go to that apartment alone? The apartment that basically screams her name. You should’ve been there.” She watches her mother glance at her ring finger and she can’t help but cover it with her other hand.

“Where was Mia?” She asks, as if afraid of the answer.

Nora blinks, taking a shaky breath, her voice coming out strained. “We’re not engaged anymore. In fact, we’re not _anything_ anymore. Can you guess why?” At her mother’s confused look, she uses her speed to flash directly in front of her, her left hand holding the chip up on display. “How about now?”

Iris’ face flashes in recognition and the little sliver of hope Nora had that her mother wasn’t as involved as everyone says she is, disappears in the blink of an eye. Iris sighs, nodding to herself as if forcing herself to finally talk about it and asks, “How did you get that?”

Nora pulls at her shirt and shows her the newly stitched scar. “I cut it out. I wanna know why.”

Iris just sighs again, taking her jacket off and making her way into the kitchen to pour herself a glass of water. She takes a sip, and then doesn’t speak, so Nora does. “Come on, Mom. It’s over. I know you love me, I know you’re not _evil_ … so why did you do it?”

“I was trying to protect you.” Iris replies, but Nora sees right through it. Her mother isn’t being truthful and she can see in her eyes that she really doesn’t want to have this conversation. “From the city, from metas. From yourself.”

  
  


Nora shakes her head. “It sounds to me like you were trying to protect yourself. But you had a million other options, Mom. I’m twenty-six. You could’ve told me _years_ ago. You could’ve given me the choice once I was old enough. Most of all, you could’ve _asked_ me to give it up. If you’d just explained why, maybe I would’ve done what you wanted.”

Iris lets out a dry laugh, shaking her head as if that’s ridiculous. “Nora, you were a nightmare as a teenager. There’s no way you would’ve listened to me.”

It’s then that Nora loses all sense of composure. She tried the easy way; she tried asking her mother to tell her the truth, to explain. Clearly, Iris has made peace with her choice. “You know, it’s crazy how differently we remember those years. It actually kind of makes sense, now that I think about it. I always felt like I was missing something, like I was somehow different than everyone else. I thought it was because Dad died, but then again, Mia had a dead dad too, and we couldn’t be more different. Now, I understand. I mean, this is why we never see Caitlin and Cisco anymore, right? Because they knew they were lying to me.”

Her mother’s face changes from sympathetic to annoyed very quickly as she huffs out a response. “They didn’t exactly agree. But I’m your mother, Nora. I did what I had to do.”

“You did what was best for _you_.” Nora sniffs, wiping her eyes. She realizes now that this conversation was pointless. As usual, the two West-Allen’s are on opposite sides. Though Nora’s sure that their differences will be irreconcilable this time. “This isn’t just about the chip. You and I have been fractured for a long time. My whole life, I’ve asked every question under the sun, just to scrape at something about Dad that’s worth remembering and all I’ve gotten were footnotes of his story and I didn’t even get them from you! And now, I learn that you’ve taken the only thing that connects me to him away from me and not only that, but you’ve taken away my relationship with everyone that I love. Who am I now, Mom? Who am I if every single relationship I’ve had has been based off of a lie?”

Iris crosses her arm, swaying on her feet awkwardly. She seems to finally realize that what’s hurt the most is that her daughter is completely alone now. “I didn’t mean for this to ruin any relationship of yours, I promise. Everyone did what they did because they love you.”

“But what’s love without trust?” Nora hiccups, and then brings her hands up to her face to dry her tears again. She could blame her mother for all of this; it was her idea, she told Caitlin and Cisco to plant the chip, she told everyone to lie about it. But the truth is, everyone makes their own choices, and this was the wrong one. “I was supposed to get _married_ , Mom. _Married_. I was supposed to be a wife… and now I’m nothing. I’m not even a daughter.”

She doesn’t give her mother the chance to respond before she flashes out of there, stopping in an alleyway to lean against the wall and calm herself down before she goes to see Eobard.

When she gets there, he looks surprised to see her. “I thought you said you never wanted to see me again.” He says, his voice raspier than she remembers. There’s a few more wrinkles on his face, too.

“Plans have changed.”

He smiles, as if he expected an answer like that out of her. “How so?”

“I need you to tell me how to stop Crisis.” She replies, arms crossed over her chest. She’s trying to make herself seem stronger than she feels, and she realizes he probably sees right through her.

The smile falls from his face and he mumbles a series of expletives before shaking his head. “No, I can’t. I’ve already meddled in your life too much, Little Runner. I cannot… I _will not_ guide you to your death, because that _is_ what it would take, Nora.”

“I don’t care if it kills me.” She answers without hesitation, stepping closer to the glass, her next words falling off her lips threateningly. “I need to save him and you’re going to help me. Think of it as your way of making it up to me for your so-called ‘meddling’”.

She stares him down until she can see his face change, and he agrees. “You can’t stop Crisis, Nora. But you can move it up a few years, save your father. Maybe even save the archer, too.”

“Mr Queen?” She asks, and he nods slowly, as if he doesn’t like saying it. _And it’ll set you free,_ Nora doesn’t say. “How?”

“March twenty-second, twenty-eighteen.”

She frowns, trying to remember what she’d read about that date in the Flash Museum. “The night of the Enlightenment. The Flash… uh, my dad punched the satellite and it created a whole new batch of metas.”

  
Eobard steps closer to the glass, directly in front of her. “You need to travel to that day and punch it with him. I’ll guide you from there.” He glances towards the clock to his right and she follows his gaze. _01:20:31_ , it reads. “The clock’s ticking, Little Runner.”


	2. when i was drowning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nora introduces herself to her family and spills a few secrets that were probably better left unsaid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from "Clean" by Taylor Swift

She’s certain her dad noticed that there was another speedster that punched the satellite with him, and whilst that wasn’t a part of her original plan, Eobard tells her she can use that. The last person she wants to see right now is her mother, and knowing next to nothing about her father isn’t going to help her convince him or her mom that everything’s fine in the future and she grows up with two loving parents, but for the sake of her own mission, she’s going to have to suck it up and find a way.

She didn’t estimate how hard it would be to see his face. But all of sudden, he’s the one opening the door of her Pappy Joe’s house to her standing on the other side of it and he’s all smiley and lanky and taller than she’d pictured. All the breath is taken out of her and she just stands there like an idiot, staring as he tilts his head to the side in confusion. “Uh, hi. Can I help you?”

She swallows hard, her mouth dryer than ever and clears her throat. “Yeah. In fact, I think you’re the only one who can.” She says breathlessly, peering inside to see the rest of the family now staring at her, though she’s certain they can’t hear the conversation they’re having. She waves to them, speaking louder. “I’m Nora. From the future.”

She sees her father’s eyebrows twitch together and has to compose herself, remembering all the times Mia had pointed that trait out in her. He takes a second to think of his next question, but he doesn’t seem to be too wary of her. “So, how do you know us?”

“Because I’m your daughter.” She says, shifting under his analytic gaze. She watches as Cisco’s head drops into his hands and he mutters something about ‘just one day’ and her mother steps closer into the main area. A twang of hurt flares up in Nora’s heart, so she averts her gaze, instead looking back to her father. “Can I come in?”

He wordlessly opens the door wider and she steps past him, crossing her arms defensively, expecting a flow of questions she’s meant to answer to prove herself. Instead, her mother takes two looks at her and scoffs. “Oh my god, you totally are.”

For a second, she’s confused as to why her mother believed her so quickly but then she remembers how often she got told she looked like a perfect mix of her parents when she was younger. “I know. We look alike.”

“Well, that.” The corner of Iris’ lips tug up in a half-smile. “And we were just talking about having a baby ten seconds before you walked in and life is ironic like that.”

“Wait, you guys are gonna have a baby?” Ralph grins from his spot next to Caitlin and Iris shakes her head at him, starting to say it was a loose conversation before Barry cuts her off.

“Not important right now, Ralph.” He says, before turning back to Nora, his voice soft and wonder-filled. “What are you doing here?”

Nora shrugs, wringing her hands together nervously. “I don’t know. I was running and I guess I accidentally time traveled… but I didn’t realize that and so I saw the satellite and…”

“You were the other speedster.” Her dad fills in, glancing at her mom and Nora assumes she’s the only other one who knows someone helped him. “You helped me take down the satellite.”

Nora nods. “But something happened when I did because now I can’t seem to go fast enough to open up the speed force. I know it’s a risky bet to tell you who I am, but if there’s anyone in this time that can help me get home…”

“It would be us.” Caitlin fills in for her, nodding. Nora has to admit to herself that it’s a good plan, aside from the ‘accidentally’ running back over twenty five years in the past - she’s pretty sure that only occurs for months at a time, but whatever. She can be the first.

Everyone’s silent for a while, processing, except for Cisco, who downs a few more glasses of champagne and turns into a Chatty Cathy. Eventually, they say their goodbyes to Joe and Cecile (and her aunt freaking Jenna! as a baby!) and go to Star Labs, where they poke and prod her to figure out what’s wrong with her speed. She makes sure the negative tachyon device is hidden well under her shirt, so that they won’t find it. 

She figures following her dad to the precinct is better than sticking around to hang out with her mom, but when she gets there, her dad is less than eager to have her around. “Come on, please?” She pleads. “I’ll be silent, I promise. I just… I can’t sit at Star Labs and wait for them to figure something out. It’ll drive me nuts.”

“Well why don’t you spend time with Iri- Mom. Your… mom. Yeah.” He stutters, and she can’t help but smirk a little bit at his flustered delivery.

“You know Mom. She won’t be able to stop herself from asking me future questions that I’m not equipped to answer, so it’s just best that I stay far, far away from her.” She’s sort of proud of herself for the quick lie.

She doesn’t follow him when he’s summoned away to deal with a meta, despite how much she wants to see him in action, and instead just heads back to Star Labs, planting herself in a chair in the Cortex. She wishes she missed the way her mother’s face lit up when she noticed her. Her father gets distracted and Gridlock gets away, which Nora knows is one of the small but important changes Eobard said would set their plan in motion. Her dad’s visibly stressed when he gets back and she’s somehow roped into coffee with her mother, which is almost torturous, though she can’t help but notice that this version of her mother is a lot more joyful. Her parents have very different approaches to Nora’s appearance, too. Her mom seems wholly eager to get to know Nora, even though they very clearly have a lot of time for that whilst her father can’t seem to get away from her fast enough. Eobard had warned her that he’d act this way, too afraid of messing up the timeline and screwing up anyone’s life, but she can’t say it doesn’t sting a bit. If she weren’t here to change things and Mar Novu had sent her here to spend time with him, it doesn’t look like she’d have any luck.

They’re called back to Star Labs to try out some device Caitlin and Cisco made that’s supposed to give her a boost to get her home, that Nora knows won’t work, but she has to give it a go for performance’s sake. If she knew that trying to run into the speed force with the device would’ve literally pummelled the two of them backwards in a painful fall, she might have tried to make up an excuse as to not go. Even when she wakes up in the med bay, her father is intent on getting her back to her own time. Her mom seems to notice the way her face falls when he leaves and places a reassuring hand on her shoulder. Nora expected it to piss her off but it’s actually sort of comforting.

She spends the next hour or so waiting, looking around at Star Labs to see what’s different. She’s staring at a photo of her father, Caitlin, Cisco and who she assumes is Thawne, when her dad enters the workshop, a haunted look on his face. “What happens to me in the future? You said that you get to spend your whole life with your mom, but you never said the same for me.”

She tries to cover it up, says that he’s there too, but he catches on, tells her he doesn’t believe her. “Please,” he says. “I need to know.”

She brings him to the room with Gideon and shows him the article, watching as he covers his mouth with his hand, stroking his chin. “How long?” He asks and she sighs before pulling up the most recent article that was written for the anniversary of his disappearance. _25 YEARS LATER - FLASH STILL MISSING_ , it reads.

“You never come back.” She says, thinking she should have fought harder to keep his death a secret. His face is the picture of heartbreak and she hates the tears that spring to his eyes as he tries to make sense of it all.

“How old were you when it happened?” He asks, eventually.

Nora moves around the room awkwardly as she replies, his gaze burning into the back of her head. “I was born a little over a year before Crisis, but I don’t really have any memories of you. All I have is a ten second goodbye video that you filmed from the battlefield. Pretty much everything else was Mom’s.”

“Was? Is she...” He frowns.

Nora nods quickly, reassuring him that Iris didn’t die too. “She’s around.”

He blinks a few times, shaking his head in confusion. “ _Around_? Why’d you say it like that?’ She goes to say ‘like what?’ but he raises his eyebrows at her and she knows he’s not gonna let it go.

She walks over to the wall and plays with the dots on it, tapping her way upwards, trying to distract herself. She really doesn’t feel like explaining the intricacies of her fractured relationship with his wife to her dead dad. “We’ve never really been that close. Don’t worry yourself about it. We’re both fine.”

He stares at her for a second before his face twists in realization and he sighs. “You’re not really stuck here, are you?”

She swallows and leans her back against the wall, crossing her arms in front of her as she tries to think of the best way to explain. “So, in Crisis, there was an Anti-Monitor who was trying to destroy the multiverse and then there was the Monitor, who tried to protect life on all Earths. You knew going into Crisis that in order to stop the anti-matter wave, you had to die, along with the Green Arrow. So, beforehand, you two made a deal with the Monitor. In exchange for your sacrifices, he had to protect us no matter what. Me and Oliver’s kids. Because Mia and William’s time was cut short, the Monitor offered them the chance to go back in time and get to know their father before Crisis and then he offered me the same thing.”

Her father wipes his face, sniffling as he lets out a shaky breath, clearly confused due to his years of time travel mistakes. “Isn’t that dangerous?”

Nora shakes her head. “It’s not to change anything, it’s just to… provide peace, I guess.” She takes one look at her father, who has literally started to fill in that hole in heart in just short of a day and she thinks that even if he sends her home after this, he needs to know how much she loves him. “That’s why I’m here. I just wanted you to know that… that you don’t have to worry about me. That I’m gonna end up fine and so, you can go with a clear conscience.”

She can’t help but get choked up as she says the words she wholly means, even if that’s not the reason she came here. She sniffles and blinks a few times, but quickly stops bothering as she notices her father in the same state. He smiles a little, a tear sliding down his cheek. “You came all the way from the future to tell me that?”

She laughs, looking down at the ground. “Yeah, it sounded like a better plan in my head.”

He shakes his head sincerely. “No, it’s sweet. I did the same thing with my mom.” They’re silent for a minute and she forces herself not to look at him, left hand covering his face as his shoulders shake slightly, tears streaming down his face. “I missed all your firsts. I was so worried about messing up your childhood, screwing up our family, but I’m not even there.”

Nora nods in understanding, breathing out, “I’m sorry. This is why I lied about coming here. I didn’t wanna see the look on your face.” He shakes his head as if to tell her it's okay and she clasps her hands together, taking a deep breath. “If you want me to go home…”

“No, no. That’s not what I’m -” He’s cut off by Caitlin on the intercom system, saying they need him in the Cortex. He looks at her like he’s asking for permission and she nods, telling him she’s fine and then he’s out the door and she’s staring at that stupid article she knows entirely too much about.

They somehow convince her to help save the plane, even though she’s literally never phased before (which earns a few confused glances from the team when she says as much) and has the most thrilling seven minutes of her life while trying not to crash a plane into a series of buildings. When it’s over, and she’s phased for the first time, her dad looks at her all proud and pulls her into a hug before she can even process that it’s happening and she feels some old, dark feelings that have been locked inside of her forever start scratching their way to the surface.

When they’re back in the Cortex, discussing what will happen to Gridlock, she feels her dad’s eyes on her the whole time and she’s almost certain he’s gonna send her home. Which, if he does, she’ll just come back and lay low to finish the plan on her own, but she knows it’ll still hurt when he says it. When Cisco and Caitlin come in with a modified device that should counteract the negative tachyons stopping her from leaving, her father takes it right out of her hands and says, “Maybe, we should hit pause on this thing.”

Everyone in the room looks at him, clearly confused and Cisco scoffs, stating, “Dude, I thought our top priority was getting her _home_?”

Nora looks up at her Dad warmly, genuinely surprised that he wants her to stick around and she can’t help but smile a little. “You really want me to stay?”

He sends her a soft smile, nodding and the two share a sweet look until Caitlin asks about the timeline. “It’s risky, but Nora actually has a reason to be here.” He gives his daughter a look that says ‘we need to tell them’ and then flashes everyone to Joe and Cecile’s, the two of them sitting in the living room. 

He motions for Nora to sit down beside him as everyone else takes their seats, but she shakes her head and just stands near him. It was hard enough telling her dad he was gonna die, but now she’ll have to see the look on her mother’s face, too. Nora wants to get out of there as soon as possible. “Okay, so you all know the article Gideon showed us that says I disappear in a Crisis in 2024?” Barry starts, continuing once he sees various nods. “In Nora’s present, I died that day. It looked like I disappeared to the rest of the world, but I died along with Oliver.”

Nora does her best to ignore everyone’s gazes, too terrified to watch their world come crumbling down around them. She can see tears spring to Mama Cecile’s eyes, who grabs Joe’s hand tightly, her other arm tightly wrapped around Jenna. Caitlin lets out a breath and Cisco’s eyes harden, shaking his head as if there’s no way that’s true. When she finally looks at her mother, all her bravado melts away and she can’t even pretend to be stoic and nonchalant anymore. Anxiety enters her in a rush and she fiddles with her finger, in the place where her engagement ring used to be. 

“So, are you not stuck here?” Caitlin catches on first and Nora looks at her dad, sighing heavily when he sends her a reassuring glance.

“No, I’m not. I put the negative tachyons in my system because I knew that the second I got here, you all would send me home.” She admits, arms still crossed over her torso in a defensive stance. She’s not exactly sure how her family will react to that news, considering she hasn’t seen Caitlin or Cisco since around the time her dad died, but she understands why Barry didn’t want to keep this a secret. That’s a lot of weight for just the two of them to bear for however long she’ll be here.

Joe speaks slowly, finally coming to understand just what his granddaughter is saying. “You’re here to spend time with your father because you were raised without him.”

Nora watches him exchange a few knowing glances with Barry, the two of them speaking without words and she’s suddenly struck by the realization that before he was her dad, he was a son. It’s a small, weird thing that should be common knowledge, but it’s also one of those things you don’t have to think about when someone is your parent. It’s hard to picture them as anything other than that. “Before Dad and Mr. Queen died, they made a deal with the Monitor, who’s the being that recruits all the superheroes of the time to try and protect the multiverse. In exchange for both of their sacrifices, the Monitor was sworn to protect their children. Me, William and Mia, who I don’t think has been born yet.”  
  


“Oliver’s in prison right now.” Barry lets her know, leaning his cheek on his hand.

“Oh.” Nora whispers quietly. There’s not much she knows about the life of Oliver Queen, considering he’s now seen as a criminal. There were few moments when she was a kid that her family would defend him when she asked about the Green Arrow, but she only found out that Mr. Queen and the Green Arrow were the same person when Mia crawled through her window after the huge blowout with her mom. “Well, the Monitor kept up his end of the deal. I guess that's why I’ve never broken a bone or been hospitalized or anything like that. Anyways, before I travelled here, he offered Mia and William the chance to go back in time and get to know their father. Mia was only two years older than me when Crisis happened and Will never got the chance to say goodbye, so they took his offer. I don’t think they’re here right now since he’s in prison, so they’ll probably show up sometime before 2024, but I guess the Monitor chose 2018 for me.”

“Isn’t that super risky?” Cisco asks, before looking surprised that he’d said that out loud. “I mean, don’t get me wrong. I understand why you’d agree, I just mean… now that we know what happens, doesn’t that already change things?”

Nora shrugs, weakly. Half of her wants to let them in on her plan but she knows they’d never let her kill herself to save them. She has to be careful about what she says, though. With a topic like this, if Cecile feels even the tiniest emotion springing to the surface, she’ll know Nora’s not telling the whole truth or that there’s more to the story. “Crisis is a fixed event. There’s no stopping it. Theoretically, there could be different outcomes to it, but it’s risky business. After it was over, everyone that was left exhausted every option to try and bring those that died back, but if they’d figured it out, I wouldn’t be here. It was playing with life and death. If we were to save Dad’s, we’d have to take someone else’s and it’s not like we could just offer up another superhero.”

“Look, guys,” Barry jumps in, not liking the somber aura washing over the room. “Bottom line is Nora’s going to stay here for as long as the Monitor allows and I’m going to make the most of this time with her and with you. Let’s _please_ not worry ourselves about something that’s supposed to happen six years from now. That won’t get us anywhere. We just wanted you all to be informed.”

“Barry’s right.” Iris speaks for the first time, sitting tall on the arm of the sofa Joe and Cecile are on. “I mean, Nora’s just given us six years of knowledge that we didn’t have before, so that’s something.”  
  


“She has a point. If there’s anything Team Flash is good at, it’s handing the future it’s own ass, and then some.” Cisco chimes in, making Caitlin and Ralph both smile. The group around them seems to nod in agreement and Nora takes that as a cue that the conversation’s over and pulls on the jacket she took off when she got here.

“Well, I’m pretty exhausted. I’ve been up twenty hours because of the whole time-travel thing so, I’m gonna go to bed.”

Her dad shifts in his seat to look at her, not too surprised she wants to leave already. He’d seen how hard it was for her to explain it all the first time when it was just him, he’s certain she’s a little too overwhelmed right now to want to stick around. “Are you gonna stay with us at the loft?”

She shakes her head no, her right hand playing with her ring finger again. “No, no. Thanks, but I still should be watching what I say, so it’ll just be easier if I stay in the lounge at Star Labs.”

Barry looks as if he doesn’t believe her but he’s quickly distracted by Joe, who scoffs at her. “Damn. You told them about my spot.”

Everyone looks at him confused, having never heard of this ‘lounge’ before and Nora grins, responding to him in a comfortable tone that makes Barry think can only come from years of familiarity with her grandfather. “Sorry, Papa Joe. You mind if I crash there?”

“Go ahead, sweetheart.” He smiles warmly. “I’ll visit.”

She smiles one last time and then she’s gone before anyone can say anything else. Iris moves from her place to sit beside her husband, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and leaning against him, nodding when he asks if she’s alright. “I guess now I know why she doesn’t want anything to do with me. She’s too busy getting to know you.”

“Nora will reach out soon enough. She’s just trying to make up for lost time.” Joe reassures her, Ralph chiming in with, “Yeah, who knows when the Monitor will yank her out of here?”

“It must be so weird for her. Seeing the father she never knew.” Caitlin says softly, a sad look on her face, likely thinking about her own father’s passing.

Barry nods, grabbing Iris’ hand that rests on his shoulder. “She told me that she was only a year old when I left to fight Crisis. When she told me the truth, I… I’m not you, Cecile, but it was like I could _feel_ how painful it was for her to talk about.”

“You don’t have to be a meta to know that, Bear. That’s your parental instincts kicking in.” Joe tells him, sparing a glance to the baby girl sleeping in Cecile’s arms.

Barry squints, confused. “How? I met her like, twelve hours ago.”

“It’s unexplainable, but it’s gonna happen for the both of you. The second you have a kid, not a minute goes by for the rest of your life that you’re not thinking about them. I’m sure Oliver would tell you the same thing happened when he met William.” Joe says, remembering the story he once told Barry about the day he just _knew_ something was going on with a middle-school-age Iris.

“Oliver’s gonna die, too.” Barry whispers, that fact sinking in for the first time since Nora mentioned it to him the first time. “I have to go see him.”

Iris takes a deep breath, removing her hands from her husband and running them through her hair, exasperated. “Yeah, and I don’t even know if we’re on the same continent as Felicity right now. God, this is so screwed up.”

“Well, hey,” Caitlin says, her thinking face on. “Nora said that Mia was two years older than her when Crisis happened and Nora was a year old, so that means timeline-wise, Oliver can’t be in prison for more than two years, right? That’s a good thing.”

Cisco smacks his lip together, throwing his head back in annoyance. “Yeah, and that means it can’t be long until _his_ future children show up and start messing around. I swear to god, we’re going to have to keep them on leashes.”

Barry lets out a small laugh before rising to his feet and announcing that they should all try and get some sleep, telling Iris he’ll come back for her after he runs Caitlin, Cisco and Ralph back to Star Labs so they can get their cars. When he comes back, Iris is upstairs saying goodbye to baby Jenna in her crib. 

“How are you doing with this, Bear? It’s a lot.” Joe asks him, standing a few feet before him, Cecile by his side.

“Ask me that again in a week.”

“I am going to hold you to that conversation.” Joe replies, pulling Barry into a tight hug.

Cecile chuckles, opening her arms up for her own hug and squeezes him tight, saying “We both are. I’ll come by the lab tomorrow to see my _granddaughter_. Wow. That’s going to take some getting used to.”

“Hey, could you do me a favour and keep an eye out for anything _weird_ coming from her?” He says as they pull away. “It’s just that we’ve never been parents before and I know that this is going to be overwhelming for her, so I just want to make sure I’m not missing anything that might be hard for her while she’s here.”

“Of course, I will.” Cecile says just as Iris comes downstairs. “And I’ll make sure she knows that she’s always welcome to relax here if it gets to be too much.”

“Thanks, Cecile. Bye, Dad.” Iris says as she pulls her mother figure into a quick hug and kisses her dad on the cheek.

\--

Nora makes sure Caitlin, Cisco and Ralph have already come and gone before she leaves Star Labs, running her way back to 2048 and appearing in front of the large glass wall that divides her and Thawne. She waits there silently until he turns around, shaking his head at her. “I thought we agreed to limit our visits. My time is running out.”

“I don’t understand.” She says, arms crossed. “We stopped the plane. No one got hurt, Gridlock’s in prison. What does any of this have to do with moving Crisis up?”

“Patience, Little Runner.” He says slowly, a slight smile tugging at his lips as if he’s amused by her eagerness. “A series of events has been set in motion. They’ll start to come together in no time.”

She frowns, looking all too much like her mother and glares at him. “You better be right about this.”

He smiles as if that’s a stupid statement. “Have I ever broken the promises I’ve made to you before?” He says, tugging at the memories locked deep in her brain, of a little girl running around at the park, or the Flash Museum or the mall, pretending to be not the Flash, but his reverse.

She leaves him without another word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from "Clean" by Taylor Swift
> 
> next chapter: some harsh truths about our mother-daughter duo are revealed
> 
> leave a comment if you liked it!!


	3. that's when i could finally breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the truth about iris is revealed, nora spends some time with her grandparents and barry's gotta learn to be a father much faster than he expected.

Sleeping at Star Labs turns out to be a pretty bad idea on her part and she’s woken up in the early hours of the morning by the team, getting ready to fight the next Big Bad. Nora spends most of her time in the Cortex remaining silent, unsure of how this all works considering she only _just_ found out that her dad was the Flash, though she can’t really tell anyone that. She tries to make light and pleasant conversation with her mom, hoping not to tip her off that something’s wrong, though she still finds she’s not able to speak to her for more than a few minutes without getting overwhelmed. She thinks Iris has just put it down to Nora being distracted with her father and also just trying to avoid saying the wrong thing, which both are true even if they’re not the main reason she’s keeping her distance. She doesn’t think her dad told Iris that they don’t get along in the future and she thinks that if he hasn’t by now, he probably won’t. 

The more things calm down, the more difficult the experience turns out to be for Nora. She’s angry at a lot of things and now that there’s nothing else for her to do, she has to sit and deal with that anger for the first time since it all went down. She finds herself thinking about Mia a lot more than she wants to, and she has to push it down every single time, which only makes her more angry with her mother who has been nothing short of a patient angel since Nora got here.

Iris is busy following leads and burying herself in her journalism, giving her husband and daughter space, although Barry is still hesitant to spend time with Nora, not slowing down long enough for them to have an actual conversation. That is, until he almost dies.

Nora wasn’t there originally; she was in the Cortex, listening over comms like everyone else. It was going fine - he’d captured their meta of the day with more ease than their previous fight and he was just about to come home when an eerily familiar sound plays over the comms and her dad’s powers have vanished. _He’s early_ , is all Nora can think before she’s racing in head first, prepared to do whatever possible to get her dad as far away from _The-One-That-Got-Away_ as possible.

She can’t do much when she does get there - her powers leaving the second she arrives - but Cicada’s leaning over her father, creepy-ass knife hovering above his chest and it’s all she can do to scream out, “Dad!” in desperation. She sees the look in her dad’s eyes, practically _begging_ her to leave him, save herself, but then Cicada’s looking up at her, and then down at her dad, and then he’s vanished in the blink of an eye. Nora lets out a shaky breath and runs over, helping her Dad up, staring at him with worried eyes as he reassures her that he’s fine.

When they return to the Cortex, Nora keeps her mouth shut. Partly because that was her first time ever being in the field and she was wildly unprepared and really just wants to crawl up in her mother’s lap like she did when she was a little kid afraid of thunderstorms, and partly because she’s going over in her head what Cicada being literal _years_ before his time means for the rest of Central City. She’s going to _kill_ Eobard the second she gets the chance.

“Like a Cicada.” She interrupts when they’re all trying to figure out what bug the growl sounds like. “As a kid, there was a part of the Flash Museum that always scared me. It’s pretty normal for children to be afraid of monsters, but this one was different than the others. No one knows where he came from, how he got his powers, who he is. All that’s known is his alias, and the last sound his victims hear. But that’s not what makes him scary. What makes him scary is you never catch him.”

Barry’s face tightens, arms crossed. “We never catch him?”

“Supergirl, the Legends, even the League tried but… superheroes don’t have the same resources as they do in this time. They’re seen as criminals and they live their lives in the shadows. The only ‘Hero’ who’d done right by civilians was the Flash, but he was dead.”

“So, we’re dealing with a meta-human Jack The Ripper. Amazing.” Cisco groans, leaning his head on Iris’ shoulder as she asks, “What else do you know about him?”

Nora takes a deep breath, blinking as she tries to remain her composure, guilt eating away at her. She never should have come here. “He’s early.”

Her dad asks what she means, but she knows he’s smarter than that and likely already knows the answer. “In my history, Cicada doesn’t start killing until 2021 and it’s completely different victims. He never kills Gridlock or Block. But now they’re both dead, because I’m here.”

Barry immediately jumps into action, brain working fast at figuring out their next move. “Okay, there’s no telling the ripple effect of this change or what kind of future Nora’s going to return to. We gotta catch this guy, fast.”

“You mean, catch the guy that future-us can’t catch? And I thought beating the Thinker was hard.” Cisco moans, somehow looking exhausted and stressed out at the same time.

“You’re not _listening_ .” Nora can’t stop herself from getting flustered and emotional, the impact of her selfish need to save her father’s life slapping her in the face. “You can’t catch him, okay! He’d been killing for _three years_ before the Crisis. You practically had me on a leash! Mama and Papa went into hiding to protect Jenna, the rest of Central City was in complete lockdown. He even killed the metas that were already in prison.”

Her mother notices her getting worked up, feeling crushed under the weight of her mistakes, and gets up from her chair, moving towards her daughter and consoling her with a soft voice. “Honey, relax. It’s okay, sweetheart. Like you said, we have more resources now than we do in the future, right? So, we’ll get him.”

She focuses on the warm feeling of her mother’s hand on her arm to control her breathing and then she’s shaking her head, a decision already made. “I have to go back to the future.” She says, already making her way out of the room, though she’s too upset to even think about using her speed (she’s still new at it; she’ll probably crash into a wall). She sees a look of hurt flash across her father’s face as he tries to get her to wait but she turns to him quickly. “I’m sorry. I… I’ll miss you everyday.” She settles on, before she’s out the door, already set on visiting Thawne. 

As always, he looks to be expecting her, a small, almost comforting smile on his face as he asks, “What’s the matter, Little Runner?”

“Cicada?” She spits fury, hands clenched in fists at her sides as she tries to control her kinetic energy. “ _That’s_ your plan? To let a serial killer run loose three _fucking_ years before he’s supposed to show up?”

“You said you would sacrifice anything…” He barely gets to finish before she’s stepping closer, words laced with seething anger.

“Not this! This wasn’t _my_ sacrifice. Now every single life he takes, that blood will be on my hands!”

Thawne cuts in, face showing no sign of remorse, not that she expected it to. “What does it matter? You’re dead anyway.” She hasn’t got an answer for him. He’s right to consider her dead already; she herself had done the same the second she made the decision to save her father. But _she_ had made that decision. Cicada’s victims didn’t ask for this. Thawne continues on. “You can’t change what’s happened. There’s no point in quitting now. You continue the plan and none of this will matter in the end.”

She scoffs, eyes cold as steel as she thinks it over, her gut still telling her she’s going down the wrong path. “Fine. From now on, you’re gonna tell me absolutely everything about the plan and every possible outcome. And if you _ever_ deceive me again, you won’t even make it to the end of that timer.”

When he’s done, she runs back to the past and sits herself on the roof of Jitters, nowhere near prepared to face everyone yet. It’s a good plan, she must admit. She always knew that it would set Thawne free but it feels good to know exactly what’s keeping him detained and how it will be removed. She feels like it gives her some sense of power. She supposes in the end, if they’re able to stop Cicada this year, he’ll have killed less people than he had in the future, but she still can’t wrap her head around the idea of still going through with this. So, it’s less people. But she’s still very aware of the delicate balance of time travel. Trading lives will never be ethical, if it’s for the greater good or not. She can rationalize it; tell herself that Cicada will kill less people and her dad and the Green Arrow being alive past 2024 will save even more people and the metas of Central City not having to fear for their lives every single day for the next twenty years seems like a good deal… but she’s not a hero. She doesn’t want to make the tough decisions.

Naturally, it doesn’t take her dad long to find her on the roof.

“I’ve been running all over the city trying to find you. You can’t just run off like that, Nora!”

“What did you want me to do? Stay for dinner?” Her tone is unbelievably reminiscent of the one she used on her mother when she was a teenager and she forces herself to tone it down a notch, well aware that it’s not her father she’s angry at - it’s Thawne, but also herself. Her father, to his credit, ignores her comment and sits himself down beside her. “If you’re planning on giving me a West-Allen family speech, I would save it. I don’t think there’s anything you could say to me right now.”

“Well, you haven’t heard one from me, have you?” He says softly, resting his arms on his knees and looking at her. 

She takes in a shaky breath, eyes welling up with tears as she stares ahead. “Every time Cicada kills someone, it’s gonna be my fault.” Barry tries to console her immediately and tell her it isn’t but she shakes her head. “Don’t. You don’t have to lie to me just because you’re my dad. I know it’s true.”

“Look, I’ve made _a lot_ of mistakes since I’ve become the Flash. Mistakes that have gotten people killed. And you know what? For a long time, I tried to keep all that in. Take it all on by myself. But that only makes it worse. I know that we don’t have the father-daughter relationship that I think the both of us wish we got the chance to, but I’m your family. And maybe, you and Iris don’t see eye-to-eye more often than not, but she’s your family, too. And so is Cisco and Caitlin and Ralph. And I promise you, we are going to fix this together. I won’t have it any other way.”

He sounds so certain and determined. It almost makes Nora believe it. She looks at him for the first time, taking in the sincerity in his eyes and the soft, fatherly look on his face and nods once, letting him nudge her side. “Everyone’s worried about you. You should come back with me.” He says, standing up and extending his hand down for her to take; never pressuring her, just waiting.

The run back to Star Labs is enough time for her to come to a decision. Thawne’s right. She can’t take this back. But she can finish what she started. And if she’s going to save her father’s life, she’s gotta go full dark side. No regrets, no room for guilt or empathy. She just has to do what has to be done. 

Bringing in a Wells without context doesn’t exactly seem like the greatest plan, but Thawne says it’ll be helpful in moving the team along with their mission, so Nora figures she should just follow the plan and make sure she doesn’t make any changes, too afraid to go down some different road that doesn’t end up getting her what she wants. Although, this newfound knowledge about how her parents used to operate is a little thrilling. Plus, it’s easier to convince everyone that she didn’t grow up completely sheltered and unaware.

After a rather flattering conversation with Herr Wells, they’re sitting at the coffee bar with Sherloque, watching him make _tea_ of all things and Nora feels like slamming her head through a wall. Cisco seems to have the same idea. “This is a waste of time. Thank you very much for coming, Cumberbatch.”

“I’m sure you would like it if I took my leave, right?” Sherloque answers swiftly. “You could have more time to recover from your recent heartbreak.”

He goes onto list an abundance of clues that indicate such heartbreak and then there’s a brief argument about a ‘mutual dumping’ ending in Cisco having to take a minute and then Sherloque’s moving on to proving his skills with her parents, declaring her dad is the speedster and her mom has a once-removed tattoo before he reaches Nora. “And you, young West-Allen. Your tense exterior suggests that you may have also gone through a recent heartbreak. Perhaps, a painful divorce, judging by the way you’ve been twisting your fingers around a non-existent wedding ring for the past three minutes.”

Her father gives her some side-eye, eyebrows furrowed together and her mother notices her eyes squint angrily, jumping in to say, “Alright, I think you’ve proved yourself. Let’s find Cicada.”

After the big question of the fee, catching Cicada is generally easy despite Barry being blown out of a window. She knows they’ve got the wrong guy, but she also can’t really say anything so she just keeps her mouth shut and pretends to listen to her dad’s weird instinct that something’s wrong. Between Sherloque faking death and then Iris getting a message that Cicada has Joe, Nora’s anxiety meter is stuck at an eight. She knows the important things about the plan, but these things are what no one, not even Thawne could predict. She’s lucky she thinks up a plan in time to save both Cisco and her dad, and for a woman who’s never had to be a superhero before, she pats herself on the back for it.

Afterwards, she feels sort of tricked into moving into the loft but it also makes sense given the circumstances so she just promises herself that she’s going to keep her distance from her parents as much as possible.

Which, as she should’ve known, doesn’t go as planned.

She does her best to be perfectly cordial at dinner. And at breakfast. And at lunch. But that’s just the problem. She’s _cordial_. Not daughterly.

\--

Barry picks up on it. Of course he does.

Even if his wife wasn’t sharing her worries about their clearly fractured relationship, he’s got this weird intuition that something’s wrong. Like, _really_ wrong. He tries to ease them into a conversation, lighten the mood when things get heavy, even when he and Iris don’t understand the reason, but his daughter has a knack for hiding herself away from them. It actually sort of reminds him of Ollie. For the most part, she keeps her words polite and conversation chained to small talk, though as soon as it’s over, she finds an excuse to leave. He told himself it would get better with time. It was weird for Nora to be here and she was struggling a bit. That’s fine.

But Cecile specifically gets him alone after the baseball game and wrings her hands together like she’s nervous to talk to him (which she literally never has been) and again, he gets that gut feeling that it’s about Nora. “You asked me to look out for Nora and see if I could feel anything off of her and truthfully, we haven’t spent much time together yet… but every time we have, and Iris hasn’t been there, she’s been fine.” She starts, her face twisting together into a grimace. “But today, on the bleachers… Sweetheart, I think she’s in a lot of pain.”

He expected a little bit of teenage resentment - even though he was well aware that his daughter was in her twenties, a fact she’d made him aware of plenty of times - but he didn’t expect _pain_ . “She told me a while ago that her and Iris never got along. I mean, she’s been _nice_ so far, _polite_ even, but it’s always felt…”

“Performative?” Cecile finishes for him, that motherly look on her face that literally wraps the whole team up into a comfortable ball. 

“Yeah. Did you feel anything else? Like, can you tell why or even what type of pain it is? I mean, she said Iris was still alive but...”

“It’s not grief, it’s…” She takes a minute to think. “It feels like a betrayal.”

Barry nods, taking a deep breath and placing a hand on Cecile’s arm. “Thank you, Cecile. I’m gonna check up on her.”

When he finally gets the chance, it’s after Nora is once again forced into the field (which he can tell she doesn’t like, by the way) and for some reason, he ran all the way to Las Vegas without remembering a damn thing. When everyone’s leaving the coffee bar, he asks her to stay back. She remains seated on the bar stool and he fiddles with his coffee cup from the other side of the bar, trying to think of the right way to approach it. “So, after the game today, Cecile wanted to talk to me about you. Specifically, you and Iris. She said she felt a few things off of you and I know that you and Iris haven’t always been close but I was hoping you could explain it to me.”

“Trust me, Dad. You don’t wanna know.” He notices in her body language that she’s closing up again, but he pushes forward, determined to get her to talk to him, despite how new and awful he is at the whole ‘dad’ thing.

“Try me. I know you said that you don’t get along but I can tell it’s more than that and so can Iris. Cecile told me today that you were in _pain_. We can’t go on like this.”

She rubs her hands over her face in frustration, clearly getting worked up and emotional and it almost makes Barry feel bad for pushing, but then she speaks. “The worst thing about being in the past, even despite everything that’s happened, is having to look her in the face. You’re lucky you’re getting out of me what you are.”

“Yes, but I don’t understand _why_. I mean, what could she have possibly done to you?”

“That’s because she’s your wife! But the woman I know is a widow. She is nowhere near the same person she is in this time.”

He notices her getting angry and tries to appeal to her logical side, but it only makes it worse. “Okay, so using that logic, shouldn’t you be giving _this_ Iris a chance?”

Her eyes well up in tears, this being the second time he’s seen her on the emotional brink in two days and he sort of wishes he never started this conversation, so he could get that look off her face. “Oh my god, Dad! You don’t even understand how much I’m _trying_ . All I do is _try._ I’m giving you my best, but that’s all I have. Please, _don’t_ ask me for more than that.”

She’s out of the room before he can say anything else and he literally has to sit down. He can’t imagine how Cecile felt if even _he_ can feel the emotion radiating off of her. He sits there until Iris comes to get him so they can find out if Spencer Young is behind whatever just happened and he basically just tells her that he and Nora aren’t seeing eye-to-eye without giving too much detail, and he can’t even pretend to laugh at the joke she makes about him joining her club.

Nora’s completely silent the whole way there, even when they’re explaining what she has to do. She puts on a show for Spencer Young though, flirting back with her a little bit although it gets Barry thinking about the thing Sherloque said about a past divorce. The way she gets flustered is adorable and Barry’s sure Joe would say something about Barry acting similarly when being in a flirty situation, but Nora’s so distracted that she’s not pressing the watch. When Iris goes in, it gets even more awkward and eventually, the watch declares that Spencer isn’t a meta and then the look on Nora’s face gets Iris thinking that’s exactly what Nora wanted.

“Nora, no. No, no, no. Look, I don’t care that you think she’s cute. She’s dangerous. You need to stay away from her.”

“She _could_ be dangerous.” Nora corrects.

Iris frowns. “Nora. I’m trying to protect you, here.”

Nora scoffs, walking away, muttering. “Hasn’t that been your _thing_ , like, my whole life?”

Iris turns around, scoffing herself. “What does that even mean? Is this why you can’t stand me? Because I’m trying to be a good mom?”

Her daughter raises her hands in surrender. “I’m not talking about this.”

“Well, I am.” Iris says, putting her foot down, finally. “I’ve had enough of this. I wanna know why.”

Nora sniffs, turning around and shrugging, wordlessly moving her top to reveal the now even bigger scar on her collarbone. “You did this to me.”

Iris looks completely taken aback, literally stepping backwards, her mouth open slightly in shock. “Nora, I would _never_.”

“But you did.” She cries. “You put a power-dampening chip inside of me for my whole life and up until the day before I got here, I didn’t even know I had powers. I didn’t know Dad was the Flash, I grew up _without_ Caitlin and Cisco. And the worst part is you had _every single one of them_ lie to me. Papa Joe, Mama Cecile, Aunt Jenna… My fiancé.”

Her voice breaks on that last bit, shattering Iris’ heart into pieces as her own eyes start to sting, trained on her daughter’s heartbroken face as she speaks once again. “You know what? I’ve already had this confrontation, so let’s just forget it, okay? I’m done.”

Like the pattern both of her parents have been noticing, Nora’s gone without letting them get a word in.

They’re both silent on the way home and it’s not until a few hours later, when Barry’s taken some time to think, that he finds his wife in the Cortex, trying to force their daughter to accept their calls, and they finally talk about it. “I don’t know how I could do that to her, Barry.”

“You haven’t done it yet.” He replies, and she give him a look that tells him that was a stupid thing to say, so he sighs and pulls up a chair, assuming they’ll be talking for a while.

“But does that take away the fact that she still lived it?”

He shakes his head, certain that they just need time to blow off steam and then they’ll come to a stage of forgiveness. “You can’t be so hard on yourself about this. Everything you do for our family, you do out of love. You had a good reason, I know it.”

She grabs his hands in hers and squeezes, looking him in the eyes. “Barry, I love you. And I love how much you love me, but right now, I need you to stop being my husband and start being a father. Or even just… a _person_ . Try and put yourself in her shoes. I took away the biggest part of who she is _and_ the only thing that connected her to you, her dead father. Not only that, I made _everyone_ in her life lie to her about it. That thing Sherloque said about a past divorce, I would _bet my life_ that this is the reason there isn’t a ring on her finger anymore. She’s been here _two weeks_ , Barry. This only happened _two weeks ago_ for her.”

He understands that. He really does. And maybe he’s biased and also somehow gets a sick free pass because he’s dead and wasn’t there, but he _knows_ his wife. And yeah, he’s got sympathy for her because Barry hasn’t been able to stop thinking about the word ‘widow’ since Nora said it earlier and he can’t imagine who he’d be if he lost Iris and then had to raise their daughter alone, but there’s a good reason. There is. He doesn’t have to go to the future to know that. “Iris… Look, it’s like Nora said: Cicada’s still killing in the future. Targeting meta-humans. He wouldn’t go after Nora if she didn’t have powers, right? You had to be protecting her.”

“It doesn’t matter, Barry. _It doesn’t matter_ . You’re probably right that I had a good reason and that I was doing the best I could given the circumstances but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t _wrong_ . That it didn’t hurt her. That it didn’t ruin parts of her life she’ll never get back. I _need_ you to understand that.” She says, so sincere with a gaze piercing straight into his soul that he realizes how insensitive it is to blindly support his wife when his daughter is on the other end. Somehow or other, he has to find a middle resting place. One that supports and loves the both of them, and makes sure they’re both heard, though Iris seems like she’s completely on Nora’s side with this.

He nods, pulling his chair closer to her. “I do understand. I get it. She… she’s in pain. We can’t ignore that. I just… I’ve been only your husband for so long and I _just_ met Nora and I’m sort of realizing I’m not great at this parenting thing.”

“I know that you’re trying to believe in me and I love you for that. But babe, I can make mistakes, too. And it’s important that I recognize them and grow from them. And I know for a _fact_ that when we have Nora, I am _never_ going to take away her powers. _Ever_. Not with what I know now.”

He nods, smiling at her conviction and fully believing every word she says. He leans up and places two long kisses on her forehead as she says, “And you’re not a bad parent. What the hell is that? Nora’s literally attached to you, even when she’s being all angsty.”

He sighs, leaning back in his chair and shaking his head, trying to find the words to explain himself. “I don’t know. Joe said that it would be natural and second-nature and like, yeah. I’m constantly thinking about her but I don’t think that’s a parental thing, she’s just the biggest thing that’s happening in our lives right now. I literally always thought that I’d be a great parent, like it would just be _easy_ for me. Like, I just _felt_ it. But even just now, you asked me to think like her father and… I struggled. It still doesn’t feel right and then you’re swooping on in there with _honey_ and _sweetheart_ and… I don’t know.”

“That _does not_ make you a bad parent. We’re both still learning. I mean, this pretty much just got dropped in our laps just last week. Not to mention, she’s an adult. It’s an entirely different parenting style than if she was a baby, or a toddler or a teenager. She still needs us but she also _doesn't_. And when she was freaking out about the timeline, she was reminding me a little too much of the handsome speedster I married, so I just sort of did whatever I would’ve done with you. I’m winging it too, babe.”

As per usual with Iris, his wife lifts all the weight off his shoulders and makes him feel much less alone in his parenting struggles. He really shouldn’t be complaining to her considering Nora’s literally blocked her calls at the moment, but he’s never dealt well with the feeling of failure. And feeling like you’ve failed your kid? That’s a whole different, much more therapy-aimed story.

When they arrive back at the loft, there’s a note from Nora that reads: _staying at Joe and Cecile’s_. His wife sighs, saying something about Cecile maybe getting more information out of her and while Barry’s typically the hopeful one, he seriously doubts it.

He spends the next week that Nora spends at her grandparents’ keeping himself and Iris as busy as possible. They haven’t seen her at all since the blowout and he’s surprised at just how worried he becomes about her, constantly asking Joe and Cecile for updates, though apparently she mostly sleeps and takes care of Jenna. Since he’s got quite a bit of free time on his hands, he finally goes to visit Oliver in prison, which he’s been meaning to do since he found out the truth about what happens to them in Crisis. 

He looks like total shit, but he supposes it’s just like him to not go down quietly. He looks surprised when he steps through the doors, and any tension he had at the thought of getting a visitor disappears when he sees Barry’s smiling face through the glass.

He sits down, bringing the phone to his ear and Barry snorts at the sight of him. “You look like hell.”

Oliver lets out a chuckle, what must be a rare occurrence for him now. “I feel even worse. What are you doing here?”

Barry shrugs, nonchalant. “I figured you’d be getting lonely. If it makes you feel any better, I had Cisco do his best to find Felicity and he’s had no luck. She’s hidden pretty well.”

He hums, not buying that there’s nothing else Barry wants to talk about, though he’s sure there’s at least some truth to just wanting to see him. “What else? You’re itching to tell me something. It’s written all over your stupid face.”

He gives him a look at the face comment but relents anyways, careful with his wording. “My daughter’s here. From…” He waves his hand in some weird gesture that’s supposed to mean future, but it’s so bad that he’s lucky Ollie picked up on it.

“Huh. How’s that going?”

“I’m a terrible father.” That sparks a laugh out of the inmate, no doubt thinking about his own son.

“Yeah, well. That’s what happens when you get a late start.”

Barry gets serious, feeling all too unprepared to inform Oliver of their apparent deaths. “That’s not all. You remember that newspaper article?”

Despite how cryptic Barry’s being, to Oliver’s credit, he catches on quickly. “Yeah.”

“I’m not getting out. Ever. And neither are you.”

Barry’s certain that this is the last thing Oliver needs right now, but it doesn’t feel right to keep this knowledge a secret. Oliver rubs a hand over his face, wincing when he brushes a cut. “How long?”

“Still 2024.” He whispers the next part. “The good news is you won’t be in here for much longer. Two years at most.”

The vigilante huffs, shaking his head in almost disbelief as Barry continues, trying to reassure him. “Look, with this new knowledge, the team and I are gonna do everything we can to get a better understanding of it all. Oliver, I’m really not liking the ‘Big Guy’. He brought my daughter here to ‘spend time with me’ but he won’t let her go back. The longer she stays here, the more things will change.”

Oliver groans, letting his eyes slip shut as if debating if he should say what he wants to. “I can’t believe these are words that are leaving _my_ mouth, but maybe that’s a good thing.”  
  


“I’ve been trying to believe that. I have. But the truth is, I have no idea how to do this Oliver. I’m not a father, but now I have the responsibility to be one and I’m not ready.”

“You think I was? Barry, I’ve made more mistakes with William than I can count. That’s why I’m here.” Oliver has slipped into his all-knowing-mentor tone very easily and Barry feels sort of guilty that he’s the one out of the two of them that has to be consoled. But the way Oliver’s talking, and the four years they’ve spent as friends tells Barry that Oliver wouldn’t have it any other way. “The good thing about having a kid that’s older is that most of the time, they’re teaching you how to be a parent. I have a feeling your daughter will tell you what she needs. I believe in you. I always have.”

Barry nods, taking in his words. They’re eerily similar to what his wife said to him and he’s starting to realize he might be overthinking this whole thing. Nora’s his kid. But, she’s not a child. “Thank you.”

“Thank _you_ … for the Felicity thing.”

Barry smiles, nodding softly. “Of course. We’ll all be there at your ‘welcome home’ party. I promise. You stay tough in there.”

Oliver smirks, just as the guard tells him time is up. “You stay tough out there.”

\--

It’s exactly a week of staying with her grandparents that Cecile finally gets Nora to open up about how she feels. She tries for days to make Nora feel comfortable and supported enough to open up, but she can still feel all this pain and betrayal and anger off of her, but mostly a deep sadness that Cecile wishes she could shut herself off from feeling. They’re sitting on the couch watching the Diamonds play and as much as Cecile would like to pay attention, she keeps glancing back to that somber look on her granddaughter’s face.

“Nora?” She says softly, snapping her out of her daze.

“Sorry, Mama.”

“It’s okay.” She keeps her tone light, but makes sure all her attention is now on Nora, easing her into opening up. “But sweetheart, you haven’t said a word about what happened since you got here. If you need to talk about it, I’m here to listen. Always.”

Nora shakes her head. “I don’t wanna get you involved. You shouldn’t have to choose sides.”

Cecile laughs a little. “Honey, I’m a lawyer. I can be objective.”

She waits a while for Nora to speak, just pretending to pay attention to the game before she finally speaks. “You know I was engaged before I came here?”

Cecile is surprised, to say the least. She’s still so young, though Cecile knows better than most that there certainly isn’t an age limit on love. “Really?”

Nora nods, sniffling a little. “Her name was Mia. We grew up together. She’s Oliver and Felicity’s kid.” Cecile hums along, waiting for her to continue. “Mia knew that her father was the Green Arrow and she knew that my father was the Flash. But when my mom decided to take my powers away, it meant that no one could tell me that. And so she lied about it for _years_ . I called off our engagement, and I’m so _so_ angry about it. But I also can’t stop thinking about her.”

Cecile knows the jist of what has happened. Iris and Barry had been out to lunch with her and Joe while Nora stayed at home, watching Jenna and they’d both been so distraught, explaining the tricky situation as best they could, but they obviously didn’t have all the variables. They definitely didn’t mention anything about a possible ex-fiancé, and the way Nora’s talking about her now, has Cecile thinking this didn’t happen too long ago.

Joe comes down the stairs then, reading on Cecile’s face that she’s finally getting somewhere with their grandkid and he walks into the living room quietly, voice soft. “Mind if I join you? I’m a great hugger.”

Nora lets out a laugh, scooting closer to Cecile to make room for him on the couch. “I know, Papa Joe.”

Cecile runs a hand through Nora’s hair, hugging her close as Joe’s arm flings around the both of them. “How long ago did this happen?” She asks.

“I found out about the power-dampener, about everyone lying to me and about Dad being the Flash, all on the same day that the Monitor came and brought me here.”

Cecile frowns, rubbing a comforting hand up and down her arm. “Sweetie, that was only three weeks ago. You can’t expect yourself to be totally okay this quickly. She hurt you.”

“I know, but it’s not like there’s anything I can do to work through it. I’m here.” She shakes her head, sniffling again. “With my mom, I can rationalize it if I try hard enough. I can list all of these factors that would lead her to make that decision. But I was supposed to spend my life with Mia, and she was prepared to marry me _knowing_ she’d been keeping the biggest secret from me and she still would’ve done it if I hadn’t found out. I don’t know how she could do something like that. I don’t know how anyone could.”

Both Joe and Cecile are quiet for a minute, wishing they had answers for her. Truthfully, it was hard for them to believe Iris would take away Nora’s powers at all, let alone get her fiancé in on it. But it’s easier for them, because they haven’t lived it, to just assume Iris had good intentions. “Did we lie to you, too?” Joe asks, continuing on when he notices the nervous look on Nora’s face. “You can tell us. It’s okay.”

“Everyone did. That’s how mom wanted it.” She admits. “Neither of you really agreed with the way she chose to parent me and so whenever I saw you after you came out of hiding, it was mostly just me while Mom was at work. Honestly, I haven’t seen you in a while.”

They don’t know what to say. There’s not really much they _can_ say.

Barry shows up a few hours later when Nora’s all cried out and decides to go out with Joe on his daily walk with Jenna, though something tells Cecile the young speedster with new-found powers will get bored of walking at a normal pace _very_ fast. “Let me guess, you’re here to check on Nora again?” She says, after he makes some comment about the excessive amount of locks on their front door.

He looks at her sheepishly, sitting on the back of the couch, scratching the back of his neck. “Is she here?”

“Out on a walk with Joe.”

“Sorry.” He mumbles, wringing his hands together nervously. “I know me constantly pestering you has gotta get annoying at some point.”  
  


Cecile just shrugs. “You’re worried about her. Where’s Iris?”

“At home. She’s uh… not dealing with this very well. Not that I am, either. I don’t know how to fix any of this.” He sounds so defeated and helpless,

Cecile shifts in her seat to face him. “Well, it might make the two of you feel better to know that I’m not entirely sure this is just about Iris. Now, there _is_ such a thing as grandparent-confidentiality, but Nora’s pretty broken up over some other things, too. She hasn’t had any time to deal with how she feels. This all just happened the day before she got here. I have faith that she’ll come around.”

Barry seems grateful for the small piece of insight and the certainty Cecile has that this will all work out. “What am I supposed to do in the meantime?”

“Try not being Mom and Dad for a while and just be Barry and Iris. Whenever something’s up with Joe and I and we don’t know what it is, we go on a date. Reconnect.” He’s not entirely sure his wife will be super receptive to the idea but it’s better than anything he’s come up with so far so he just thanks Cecile, kissing her on the cheek and heads to the crime scene he’s already late for.

The pieces weirdly fall into place from there when he spots Iris at the crime scene and somehow convinces her to team up for the case, though she’s skeptical at first. He has to put his persuasion skills to the test multiple times throughout the day just to try and get her mind off of Nora, and as per usual, there’s been a number of pointless conversations about what they’re supposed to do.

Date Night turns into a Day From Hell when he wakes up on a rooftop with Peter Merkel and his creepy ass powers threatening his own wife. He’s just lucky he doesn’t know Nora exists. He’s saved in the knick of time when Iris literally jumps off a building to uncuff him, so he’s able to land them both on the ground. She’s insane.

He points at her and tells her so. “You’re crazy. Thank you. I love you.”

“I love you.” He kisses her quickly, just as Nora appears, having witnessed the whole thing.

“Mom!” Before either of them can say much, Nora’s arms are wrapped around Iris’ waist, head tucked into her shoulder, the force of the hug making the both of them stumble. “Are you okay?”

Iris gives Barry a surprised look before hesitantly wrapping her arms around her daughter, rubbing a hand up and down her back soothingly. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. Not even a scratch.”

Nora just squeezes her tighter and doesn’t let go until Ralph lands loudly on top of a car, startling all three of them. When they get back to Star Labs, Nora remains mostly silent but both of her parents make sure to keep an eye on her while the rest of the team compliments Iris on her badassery. Nora slips out silently and once everyone’s calmed down, Iris goes after her.

She finds her sitting on the steps of the Speed Lab, twisting over that notebook she carries around in her hands. Iris walks in but stops at a distance, not wanting to overstep any boundaries. “Hey. So, I’m sorry if I freaked you out earlier. You seemed pretty upset.”

Nora smiles and shakes her head, still looking down at the book. “It’s okay, Mom. If you hadn’t jumped off that building, Dad would be dead six years early and that would’ve _sucked_.”

Iris chuckles. “You know, weirdly, you just reminded me of Felicity.”

“The bluntness? Yeah, I picked that up at a young age.” Nora smiles. “You and I used to spend weeks at her place. She lost Oliver, you lost Dad and neither of you wanted to be alone… Mia and I used to literally take baths together.”

Iris notices her daughter’s hand go down to her ring finger. “Was Mia your wife?”

She looks up at her for the first time, quickly removing her hand. “She was my fiancé, actually.” She pauses for a minute as Iris nods in understanding. “Do you want to sit?”

Iris nods, a little surprised and sits down carefully beside her, remaining quiet until Nora speaks. “I’m sorry, for ignoring you. I mean, I wasn’t ignoring you when you called about Dad. Cecile and I were out to get food and I left my phone at the house, I promise. But the other times… I’m sorry. I just wasn’t ready to talk and I really didn’t want to say something I didn’t mean.”

“It’s okay.” Iris is sincere in her response. “I understand why. If I were in your position… I’d hate me too.”

“I don’t hate you. I could never.” Nora responds immediately, seemingly appalled that her mother thinks that. “I’m angry about a lot of things, but you’re still my mom. You still raised me.” She takes a pause and then reaches for her mom’s hand, a bold move. “I do love you, Mom. But, it’s complicated. There’s always been this secret between us. And even when I was a kid, It was hard for you to be my mom, because you had to do it alone. Pappy Joe always used to tell me that your grief for Dad took up every aspect of your life, and you had nothing left to give me.”

“Nora…”

Nora lets go of her hand. “You don’t have to explain yourself.”

Iris moves closer, grabbing her hand back so she knows she’s genuine. “No. You need to hear this. _Whatever_ reason I had for taking away your powers, it was a _mistake_ . And it was _wrong_ . And you didn’t deserve it. I’m so sorry. I can’t take away the pain you’re feeling from it now, but I can promise that when you go back to your time, it will be a very different future, because I will _never_ dampen your powers. I promise. And I want you _now_ to know _this_ me. Without any boundaries or secrets.”

Nora gives her a watery smile, nodding her head and whispering, “Okay.” before she moves closer, letting her mom wrap her in a side hug. Iris can’t wipe the smile off her face, all giddy that she’s now gotten a total of two hugs from her daughter, both of them having been initiated by Nora. It’s not long before Barry walks in, hand in his pockets and a grin on his face.

“How come I didn’t get a hug when I was the one who was _pushed_ off the building?”

Nora doesn’t remove herself from her mom’s embrace. “Uh, because you’re pretty much already dead to me?”

Iris chokes out a laugh, shifting them over the make room for Barry on the other side of Nora. “Way to dampen the mood, kiddo.”

“Sorry.” Nora giggles, clearly not apologetic at all.

“I’m sorry, too.” Barry says seriously, once he sits down, placing a hand on Nora’s knee. “I know I tend to get a little defensive over your mom.”

Nora rolls her eyes as if to say ‘obviously’. “Well, judging by what I just witnessed, I think the feeling’s mutual between you two.”

Barry nods, smiling. “Still. We’re your parents. We support you and your feelings. And we’re grateful that you were able to express how you felt to us. Even if it took a little while.”

Nora smiles back, reaching a hand out and beckoning him closer so that they’re joined in a group hug, what Iris would suspect is probably her first one ever. “Okay, what do we say to family dinner and you can finally occupy your bedroom at the loft?” Barry says, once they’ve pulled away.

“Deal and deal. As long as it’s not Mom’s cooking.” She says, turning to Iris quickly. “Sorry, but also I’m completely serious. I’ve been feeling like puking since I watched Rag Doll do his creepy clown crawl and your cooking is just gonna force it out of me.”

Barry lets out a loud laugh at the offended look on Iris’ face and the comment that he’d never have the balls to make. “We’ll get Big Belly.” He says, standing up and extending both hands to help his girls up.

_His girls_. Huh. He supposes it is becoming natural.

They say goodbye to the rest of the team and as they’re walking out to Iris’ car, his wife’s arm is wrapped around Nora’s shoulders the whole way there, and their daughter just nuzzles in, making no moves to push her away.

Barry’s sorta jealous.


	4. gone was any trace of you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thanksgiving rolls around, as does some father-daughter tension as Nora realizes her plan to save Barry is not guaranteed, while the team finds the satellite core and Cicada's daughter, as well as comes up with a time-travelling plan to retrieve the mighty dagger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> today, we cover episodes 6, 7, & 8!

Nora’s completely glued to Iris’ side and it’s almost starting to feel like she came here to spend time with her mom instead of Barry. And yeah, he’s a little jealous. But he’d also much rather give up some time with their daughter than have her not get along with Iris, so you win some, you lose some. It does, however, give him and Cisco some time to help the third member of their original trio with her mission to find her own father, which surprisingly isn’t that difficult. 

The part that’s hard is walking the fine line between supporting Caitlin and believing Cisco. Which, he’s not saying he doesn’t believe him. He does. But Cisco’s also right when he tells him he needs to stop thinking of the situation as Nora’s dad would, and start thinking like a CSI. The second he does that, the pieces fall into place quickly, and he starts to realize just how much having Nora in his life has impacted his way of thinking. His way of _being_. 

They fail at stopping Icicle, but they realize Killer Frost never left in the first place, and that’s a piece of Caitlin she’s wanted back since the second Frost left. Again, you win some, you lose some. After they go see the core of the satellite that Iris, Nora and Sherloque found, and Ralph and Cecile announce that they found Cicada’s daughter, Barry puts his hand on his daughter’s back, leaning into her ear to whisper, “Come with me. I’ve got a surprise for you.” 

He winks at Iris and leads their daughter out of the Speed Lab, stopping in the workshop and getting her to sit down in a chair. He unveils the mannequin, revealing the suit he and Cisco had been working on and says, “Ta-da! I know you’re not a big fan of going into the field and I respect that, but there are times when you’ll be helping us and I just thought it’d be nice if you had a suit of your own so you don’t have to stay in phase all the time to hide your identity.”

The smile on Nora’s face is enough to indicate that she likes it and she gets up, walking towards the mannequin and feeling the fabric. “Mom’s jacket. She showed me photos of it at the dock today. I had no idea she was a speedster.”

“Runs in the family. Literally.” Barry jokes.

Nora grins, turning around and leaning up to give him a tight hug, whispering. “I love it, Dad. Thank you.” He squeezes her back just as hard, staying there for a moment.

He knows this won’t make her want to go into the field any more, but he figures it’s a little piece of the time they’ve spent together that she can take back to the future with her. Plus, he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t looking for an excuse to get another hug out of her.

\--

Thanksgiving rolls around in no time, and as per usual, spirits are running high amongst the team, and Barry’s not ashamed to say he’s been counting down the days to the first real thanksgiving they’ll be having as a family - at least, one that Nora will remember. That’s been what’s mattered the most about the few months she’s already been here; making normal, everyday memories that Nora never got to have in her present. 

It helps that her mood has lifted exponentially since her and Iris have patched things up. She’s been opening up in ways that seemed completely impossible when she first got there - giving them little tidbits about her life as time goes on, letting them get to know her instead of just her asking questions about them. Their family dinners remind him so much of the ones he used to have with Joe and Iris when they were first starting to get him to come out of his shell after his mother died, and it seems like perfect irony that he named Nora after her. 

It seems like she’s excited for the holiday, too. She’s been collecting the few photos that the team have given her (they made copies, of course) and her favourite seems to be one of his parents, on a thanksgiving from when he was a kid. “They looked so happy together.” She says from her spot on the couch, him leaning over her shoulder from behind it. 

“They really were. They taught me what love was.” He responds, still mesmerized by the matching looks on his parents’ faces, even after all these years.

Nora hums, a little sadly and he looks at her from the side, no longer a smile present on her face. “Yeah. I never really had that. It sounds nice.”

He frowns slightly, pressing a kiss to her temple - it’s something he’s never done before but hey, it’s the holidays! He took a risk! “You keep that one, then. Caitlin’s going to be here in a few minutes. Do you wanna help us with the pies?”

“I would but Mom and I are going to get mani-pedis.” She says with a lighter tone than earlier. “Speaking of, Mom! Let’s go!”

Iris comes out of their bedroom just in time, pulling her coat on. “I’m here. Sorry, I’m not as fast as you speedsters are.”

“Well, you two have fun. I’ll be here, royally screwing up some pies.” Barry laughs as Nora gets up off the couch, following her mother out the door as they both say goodbye, Caitlin walking in right at the same time.

“Are you ready?” She asks, overly serious.

“Born ready.”

By the time they return, laughing and sporting matching fingernails, thanksgiving is starting out to be pretty great this year.

\--

When there’s an electrical surge at a power station downtown, Nora’s needed in the field and despite her nervousness, she gets to wear her new suit for the first time, and it sends an excited thrill up her spine. Not to mention, running alongside her dad is something she doesn’t think will ever get old. When they get there, she’s told to evacuate the block, but she really doesn’t want to listen. She’s got a gut feeling that something’s really, really wrong, but her father’s voice is insistent and so she listens to her mother. When she returns, her father’s on the floor, the cold-fusion core wrapped in his arms.

She runs over to him, flipping him over and she instantly knows he’s not breathing. Caitlin gives her instructions to revive him, but even after four tries, nothing’s happened. The tears fall before she can stop them, and all she can think about is Lia. She’s not having another person she loves die in her arms. She won’t survive it. “No. This isn’t happening. You’re not dying.” She says, even though she heard Caitlin’s words over the comms. _We lost him._

She rubs her hands together and pounds on his chest. Again, and again, and again. “Come on, Dad.”

Again, and again, and again. And then he wakes up.

She lets out a shaky breath of relief and lets him catch his, holding him in her arms and telling herself over and over again that he’s okay. She didn’t lose anyone else.

He tries to tell her the entire way home that he’s fine, but she doesn’t want to hear it. It’s become achingly clear that even if she saves him from Crisis, he faces danger everyday that could kill him. This danger literally did. 

She’s in way over her head here. 

“Nora, I promise. I’m okay.” He says very clearly, trying to reassure her and get her to listen.

“Caitlin?” She asks.

“His vitals are stable. Speed healing to the rescue.”

She mutters under her breath with an annoyed tone, unable to help herself. “Yeah, this time, maybe.”

Iris places a hand on Barry’s arm, also trying to calm her daughter while grounding herself with the fact that her husband’s alive. She knows first-hand what it’s like to witness Barry’s rough experiences in the field. “Honey, I know you’re upset, but if that core would have exploded, it would’ve caused a lot of damage.”

“Yeah, I know. Life of a hero.” She says sarcastically, though she really hopes her mom doesn’t take the way she’s acting the wrong way. She’s not angry at her mom at all. She’s angry at herself and her naivety in thinking she could ever save her father from the dangers of this life; it’s just not plausible. “This is my last case. I’ve experienced too much death for one lifetime.”

She directs that last comment at her dad and then leaves without another word, taking her sweet time to get changed, needing to collect her thoughts. Even if she saves his life in Crisis, there’s no telling how much time she’ll get with him. He could just die in the field any other day. Maybe he’d make it until she has her first run, maybe graduates from kindergarten to first grade, maybe he’ll even get to middle school, but that’s being generous. It seems that every few weeks, she gains more reasons to believe that this plan of hers was stupid, naive and pointless. She should’ve asked Mar Novu more questions, she should’ve done her research, she should’ve used her fucking _brain_ for once. Her dad was supposed to be the one protecting her, not the other way around. 

The whole ride to Iron Heights, Nora stays silent. Her parents talk amongst themselves and let her know that she’ll be given a clip tag that says she’s a CSI assistant, but other than that, she doesn’t let them get anything out of her. Once they get there, they realize there was no way Mardon could’ve gotten out to create those wild weather patterns and her father huffs. “This was a bust.”

She laughs dryly. “Yeah. Looks like you died for nothing.”

He places a hand on her back to bring her to a stop. “Nora, hey. This has been a rough day for you, I know that, but you can’t go blaming Iris for what happened.”

She scoffs, starting to walk again. “I’m not blaming Mom. I’m not a total asshole.”

“I didn’t say that.” He defends himself, grabbing her arm to stop her again. “Hey, hey, hey. What has gotten into you?”

“What’s gotten into me? Do you seriously have to ask me that?” She snaps, wondering how he’s not seeing the issue here. “When this case is over, I’m going back to the future. I don’t wanna be here anymore.”

She sees a look of hurt flash across his face but before he can say anything, they’re blown off their feet and a girl is breaking into Iron Heights, trying to breakout Mark Mardon, who’s apparently her father. It seems that family squabbles are a whole thanksgiving ordeal. Barry acts fast, taking Mardon to the pipeline and changing into his suit, Nora doing the same. Joss makes them a threat and then jumps through the ceiling, and Nora thinks there was kinda no point in her getting her suit. “God, why do all the villains just jump into the air like that? How does that even work?”

Her dad sighs heavily, turning to her and she already knows what he’s going to say. “Nora…”

“You’re not going to change my mind.” She cuts him off, running all the way back to Star Labs.

Her dad interrogates Mardon and she stays in the Cortex with her mom, who very clearly thinks Nora’s mad at her. She reassures her immediately. “I’m not mad at you, Mom. I’m mad at a lot of things, but you’re not one of them.”

“Okay.” Iris lets out a sigh of relief, sending her daughter a soft smile. “I know that what you went through today must’ve been really hard…”

“‘Kay, I love you, but I don’t want to talk about it. Alright?”

“Alright. I can respect that.” Iris agrees, raising her hands in surrender and turning around in her chair just as Caitlin and Cisco stroll in, insulting thanksgiving like it offended them personally. “Uh, since when are you guys so anti-thanksgiving?”

“Since a bunch of guys wearing hat buckles fed us some old bull, wrapped in lies, stuffed in propaganda. It’s a deception turducken.” Cisco replies, way too passionate about this new-found hatred for someone who loved thanksgiving just yesterday.

Nora chimes in seriously. “Actually, I think the hat buckles weren’t real either.”

“Don’t encourage him.” Iris whispers to her as they continue their spiel. Though after a minute or so, she notices Nora’s face fall. She grabs her hand, her voice soft and comforting. “You okay?”

Nora takes a breath in. “Um, I just realized that this’ll be the first thanksgiving in seven years that I spend without Mia.”

Iris frowns, face twisted in sympathy and squeezes her daughter’s hand, Nora squeezing back instantly. Her dad arrives back in the Cortex and they go over everything they found on Joss, realizing that the weather vane on her van looks an awful lot like her staff, and Cisco allows the name Weather Witch, though he’s skeptical. 

She’s not overly confident in the hologram plan, but she supposes with the time limit they’re under, it’s their best option. What she didn’t expect was for Joss to want her father only to kill him. When she realizes Mardon was a hologram, she does her weird lightning-thing and disappears, only for a stroke of lightning to come down from the clouds and almost strike Barry, if Nora didn’t save his ass. “Thanks. I’m gonna go after him.” Barry says, after they get up.

“Are you kidding me?”

“What?”

This is all way too much for her. Way too much. “I just had to save your life again! And you don’t even care!”

He shakes his head. “Where’s this coming from? You know how dangerous our job is!”

“YOUR job!” She yells. “I’ve had to watch you die _twice_ today and you somehow wonder why I don’t want to be in the field. You don’t even care enough to protect me from seeing it!”

“That’s not true!” He says, trying to defend himself, but Nora’s too far gone. Too overwhelmed and just now realizing that she’s never dealt with her dad’s death on this scale before, mostly because she’s been angry at him, but he’s been dead. Hard to reach, to say the least.

“Yes it is! Your JOB was to protect me but you’ve almost died THREE TIMES in my life so far. And every goddamn day that I spend here, you’re just making me forget that you’re ALREADY DEAD!”

His face softens, hand reaching out to comfort her, but she shakes it off. “Nora…” He says softly, not even bothering to run after her once she scoffs and leaves.

He finds her on the balcony of the lounge when he gets back, head resting against the railing, staring out at the city. He has to physically prepare himself to talk to her, shoving his hands into his pockets and coming up beside her, careful not to look her in the face, too scared to see what look she’ll have in her eyes. “How long have you been holding that one in?”

“My best guess? My whole life.”

He takes a deep breath, rubbing his hands over his face and then mirroring her position against the railing. “I’m sorry. You were right back there. You’re my kid, you shouldn’t have had to see any of this.”

Nora shakes her head. “That’s not it. I mean, yeah. It was awful, but I’m no stranger to death, Dad. I’ve seen it. People I loved more than _anything_ , just gone. Leaving nothing behind. And I couldn’t save them. That includes you.”

He waits patiently for her to continue, hands clasped together in front of him as she speaks. “Of all the things I’ve been through… death, lies, betrayals… the worst thing that ever happened to me was losing you. And I didn’t even know you. I didn’t remember anything about that day or any day before it, and no matter how much I begged Mom to tell me _something_ , I could count on one hand how much I knew about you. And yet, it _still_ ruined my life. Every part of who I was, was determined by the fact that you were my dad, and you were a dead hero.”

He nods a few times, still looking ahead. “I understand.”

Nora sniffs, trying to get a hold of her emotions so she can explain logically. “Look, we’ve all been avoiding it, because I think we don’t really have anything pleasant to say about it, but I have to go back. And when I do, I’m gonna go back to a world where you’re still dead.”

“Nora, you gotta remember, you’re talking about a future that we might be able to avoid. We still have time to find a way to a solution, and we will.” He’s so certain about it; she can see the conviction in his eyes, but he doesn’t know what she does.

“You alone saved fourteen billion people across the multiverse in the Crisis. Are you willing to trade all of those lives just so I get to grow up with a father?” She says, knowing his answer already. He shifts awkwardly, averting her gaze. “That’s what I thought.”

She runs a hand through her hair, finally turning to him with tears threatening to fall. “It hurt _so much_ losing you when I didn’t even know you. The more time I spend here, the more you become a part of life… it’ll break me. I know it. One of these days, you’re still going to have to say goodbye to me _knowing_ you’ll never see me again, and I’ll have to do the same. That’s not fair to either of us. We’re just breaking our own hearts.”

He nods, wiping his own tears away. “At least stay for thanksgiving.”

Nora figures she can at least agree to that. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He shakes his head, grabbing her shoulders and pulling her into a tight hug. “I’m just going to miss you.”

“I’ll miss you, too. I already do.”

\--

She goes to see Eobard. Of course, she does. It seems that when things go to shit, he’s the first person she turns to. She wishes it weren’t that way, but she doesn’t know how to change it. Her cheeks are still wet from tears but she can’t bring herself to care to seem tough in front of him, not right now. “The plan’s over. I quit.” She says, nose stuffy.

“And why is that?”

She shrugs, sniffing. “It’s not like it would work anyway. Even if I save him from Crisis, there’s no guaranteeing how long he’ll live after that. He’s a hero. He’ll always choose the mission over me.”

“That’s not the reason. I think I know you a little better than that.”

“It’s a lot of things.” She shakes her head, arms crossed over herself defensively. “I’m lying to my parents everyday. I’m getting to know them only to have to say goodbye to them when I die, but who knows if I’ll even get to do that. I’m stuck in a different time, completely alone because I can’t tell my parents about any of this. And I won’t survive this.”

“You’re not giving yourself enough credit, Little Runner.”

She spits her words, angry that she’s being forced to explain herself. “I’ve given myself _too much_ credit. That’s how we got here in the first place.”

He smiles at her, starting to walk around his cell instead of just staring at her like before. “You are your father’s daughter. Although, you definitely didn’t get your cowardice from him.”

“I’m not a coward.”

“Oh, but you are. _You_ came to _me_ , Nora. You said this mission was bigger than you and bigger than your father. That it would save lives. And now, you’re giving up because it’s taking a little bit of time. But that’s exactly what you have, Nora. Time. In fact, it’s all you have. There’s nothing left for you here. No friends, no fiancé. Your mother is… insufferable, if I do say so myself. And your best friend is _dead_. None of these things you can get back. Unless…” He tilts his head to the side, coming to a halt in front of her, the thin glass the only thing separating them. “You continue the mission. You wake up in a future where you’ve grown up with both your mother and father, they’ve caught Cicada, your powers are never dampened and hey! Maybe, you could’ve taken on Godspeed and Lia would still be alive. Maybe, you would’ve grown up with Mia without a wall of lies to tear you apart.”

She scoffs, wiping a tear from her cheek. “You are _so_ manipulative.”

He grins. “Well, that is my M.O. But, you know I’m telling the truth.”

She pauses, thinking before she runs a hand through her hair, pulling at it and blinking a few times to stop the tears. “What if you’re wrong?”

“What was it I said to you the last time you doubted our plan? Oh, yes. _You’re dead anyway._ ”

\--

She’s pulled back into the field once again when she returns and she’s realizing it’s something she’s going to have a hard time straying away from. She goes down to the Starchives, grabs the weather wand and meets her dad at the airport, the brief conversation between the two of them painfully awkward until it’s broken up by Joss, creating a literal tornado of lightning that Barry has to run into and conduct to the wand in order to stop. Except, he hesitates. Because of her.

She smiles at him sadly, slightly overwhelmed by the fatherly look in his eyes that she’s only just now been able to put a name to. “Go, it’s okay. You’re a hero.”

That’s all he needs to run into the storm. There’s a flash of light and smoke, and a flicker of panic starts up in Nora’s heart, but then he’s walking towards her with Joss in cuffs and she knows she’s made up her mind. Any time with him is time worth spending together. No matter how painful it is. She can take it.

“He’s okay.” She breathes into her comm and then she’s practically running to him, grinning as he scoops her up in his arms like he’s been doing it his whole life. 

Once both Mardon’s are locked away and the meta-tech is stored in the pipeline, thanksgiving at the West-Allen’s kicks off, Caitlin setting the table as Iris tells a story about Grandma Esther’s yams. “I take it, this was also the year you stopped eating Grandma Esther’s yams?”

“I didn’t say that.” Iris responds to Cisco, a chorus of gross sounds erupting from the rest of the group, and Nora hopes that future-Iris didn’t take up any of Grandma Esther’s old habits. After a tragic toast from Sherloque, everyone starts making their way to the table, but her dad stops her in the living room. 

“Hey, so… Can you just let me know before you leave? I know saying goodbye will be pretty terrible but I don’t want to _not_ say it.”

“Actually, I was thinking about sticking around for a while.”

The look of surprise on his face is enough to make Nora want to take a photo of it. “What changed your mind?” He asks, after he’s composed himself.

“Uh, I went back to the future. And well, I won’t explain the long painful backstory, but I realized that there’s not much left for me there. Except for Mom, but you don’t know the half of how complicated that is. So, I figured until Mar Novu tells me my time’s up, I guess I can handle a few near death experiences if it means I can live in this little fantasy world for a bit longer.”

He tries to hold back an excited smile. “Well, I’m glad you’re staying. And I know, you’re finding it hard to believe that the future isn’t set in stone, but I’m gonna do everything I can to save the multiverse _and_ still be in your life. I promise.”

She looks up at him, a soft, peaceful smile on her face. “I believe you.”

He places a hand on her shoulder as his phone buzzes in his pocket. He brings it up to his ear as Nora makes her way over to the table, Iris’ arms going around her shoulders once she gets there. “Hey, John.”

“Hey, man. So, we just found out a few hours ago, but Oliver’s getting out of prison today. Felicity and I are on our way to pick him up right now.”

Barry grins, letting out a surprised laugh at how fast his friend was released. Barry literally _just_ told him it could take two years. “Wow, that’s amazing. Well, tell Felicity to let me know when he’s feeling up to it and I’ll come down for a visit. Thanks for letting me know, John.”

“I’ll tell her. Talk to you soon.”

“Bye.” He ends the call, slipping his phone back into his pocket and joining everyone at the table, picking up the tools for cutting the turkey. “So, that was John. Oliver’s out of prison. They just found out today.”

There’s a chorus of cheers around the table and Iris’ hand goes up his back. “Well, look at that.”

He smiles down at her. “Yeah, I told Felicity to call us when they’re ready for a visit. I know we’ve got a lot going on here, but…”

“We need to be there for our friends.” Iris nods in understanding. “In the meantime, can you _please_ cut the turkey? I’m starving.”

After dinner, when everyone who doesn’t live at the loft has left and they’ve received a call from Joe and Cecile, Nora curls up under a blanket on the couch, Barry finishing off the dishes and Iris pouring more wine, handing her daughter a glass before plopping down next to her. “I knew you’d be a wine type of girl. I just knew it!”

Nora giggles, taking a sip. “That’s only because it’s all we had at the house. You refused to buy anything else.”

Iris snorts, nursing her own glass. “I doubt I _refused_.”

“Oh, I don’t know.” Nora teases. “I was somewhat of a rebellious teen, I think you were pretty terrified I was gonna get wasted and flash a cop or something.”

Iris’ eyes widen. “Please tell me you’ve never been arrested.”

Unable to answer that question, Nora quickly changes the subject. “Uh… so! First thanksgiving with both parents is over. That was pretty cool.”

Iris goes soft, tilting her head to the side. “Yeah, but you also mentioned it was your first one without Mia. How are you doing with that?”

Nora shrugs, mouth twisting downwards. “It’s been a hell of a day, to say the least. But, I’ve been through breakups before. This is just another one of them.”

“Yeah, but you’ve loved Mia your whole life, baby. No matter what, this is gonna be different.”

Nora nods, swirling the wine around in her glass. “I know. But I don’t want anything that happened in the future to paint a dark cloud over my time here. We said we’d have a fresh start, remember?”

Her mother presses her lips into a slight smile. “I remember. So, your thanksgiving was okay then?” Nora nods a few times, just as Barry walks into the living room, having heard most of the conversation from the kitchen. “What about you, handsome? I know it was a rocky start, but how did your thanksgiving end up?”

Nora shifts wordlessly, making room for him beside her and he smiles, plopping down beside her and spreading his arm across the back of the couch. “Pretty great. It led me here, didn’t it?”

Iris smiles softly, watching the happy exchange of smiles between her husband and their daughter. “So, you two have patched things up, then?”

Nora laughs lightly, leaning ever so slightly into her father. “Yeah. We had our first fight. I feel like we should be checking it off of some to-do list.”

That sparks a laugh out of both her parents, Barry’s hand brushing through her hair and Iris shaking her head, mumbling something like, “You are a wonder, Nora West-Allen.”

Nora just silently spreads the blanket out so it’s across all three of them, her entire body now snuggled against her father, her mother squeezed tightly beside her. She’s probably a bit too old to be getting couch cuddles from her parents, but she can’t bring herself to care in the slightest that she’s in her twenties. She feels like a little kid again in the best way possible.

  
  


\--

Nora’s plan to go into the past and steal a few items that will help them make a supercharged magnet to attract Cicada’s dagger is good. Genius, actually. There’s a surge of pride in Barry’s chest once she’s finished explaining it all and the boyish look on Cisco’s face tells him that this is the plan they’ll all want to go for. Only, it requires Barry to go back to some times he’s tried desperately to forget. He doesn’t want Nora to see that. Ever.

“No. I’ll go.” He tells Cisco to figure out the best times to go back and then leaves the room, immediately certain that his daughter is following after him. “You’re not coming with me, Nora.”

“Well, are you gonna explain why?”

“It’s dangerous.”

“So is everything else we do!” She says and he finally stops walking, turning to face her. 

“Nora.” He groans, fumbling a little with his hands before deciding to place them on her shoulders, trying to sincerely and calmly get his point across. “You’re safer here. Please, don’t fight me on this _one_ thing.”

He hates the sad little look in her eyes more than anything, but she nods, walking away from him after mumbling a small, “Fine.” He sighs, rubbing his eyes as Iris rounds the corner, a look in her eyes he knows all too well.

“You think she should come with me?”

She steps closer to him, not understanding why he doesn’t want their daughter to come along on this one. “Yeah, Barry. I do.”

He scoffs, getting a little frustrated that he’s had to explain himself twice. “Iris, if I do this, I’m going back to some crazy times. Savitar, Zoom, Thawne, speedsters.”

“Who you’ve all outsmarted and defeated. Nora can hold her own, I think we’ve both realized that by now. And this was _her_ plan. It’s the best one we’ve had so far. Things have been going _so_ well for us. Let’s not ruin it by suddenly telling our _adult_ daughter what she can and can’t do.”

Iris leaves without another word, indicating that she knows she’s right and there’s no point in him arguing with her - a trait their daughter has very clearly inherited. 

He really has to think about it for a while. He won’t be able to shield her from seeing the bad things that happened back then because they’ll be too focused on getting the items they need, so she’ll have to watch him go through things he’d never willingly tell her about. There’s also the chance that they get spotted. If it’s just him, he can act like his younger self fairly easily, but she doesn’t exist yet. They won’t be able to lie their way out.

Though, as he thought he would, he comes to the conclusion that Iris is right. Risking messing up the bond they’ve built over the last three months of Nora being here because he suddenly starts acting all controlling is gonna set them back quite a while in their father-daughter development and honestly, it’s not worth it.

In the Cortex, when Cisco’s telling him all the dates he has to travel to, she’s sitting in a spinny chair with her head resting on her hand, looking all pouty and every bit like Iris. One look from his wife, glancing towards their daughter, and he knows he’s done for. “Come on.” He says softly, tilting his head to the side and smiling at the excited look on her face as she leaps up from her chair, high-fiving her mother and kissing her on the cheek quickly, as if the two of them are sharing an inside joke. “I saw that.”

She just smiles, nudging him in the side and then they’re both at the entrance, wearing all black. “Follow my lead. Don’t go off book. If anything goes wrong, do exactly as I say.” He says, placing a hand on her arm.

“Promise.” She grins. “No one ever told me you were so uptight.”

“I’m not u-” He goes to defend himself, but ends up shaking his head. “Let’s just go.”

Almost immediately, a time wraith finds them before they can get a piece of Savitar’s suit and while he hates to leave her there, it’s a better option than letting her get chased by the wraith. The next stop is 2016, and they hang outside the door of the workshop and watch as past-Barry gets thrown around like a ragdoll, ending in Zoom taking Caitlin. He keeps his eyes on his daughter throughout most of it, trying to decipher how she feels, but he’s got nothing. He tells her to stay put while he gets the Speed Force Transmitter, though he has a little run in with Harry that almost ends terribly. When he gets it and Harry’s gone, Nora pops up beside him and as they’re about to leave Zolomon shows up. Nora grabs onto his arm tightly and he covers her entire body with his, backing up from him slowly.

When they’re pushed out of the Speed Force, he drops the transmitter to the ground and gets overly worked up, he knows. But that was a very close call with Hunter and he knew it was way too dangerous to bring her here. She brings up asking Thawne for help which only angers him more, until he realizes what time they’ve ended up in. The first time he ever asked Thawne for help. He doesn’t like it, but he also doesn’t take signs from the universe lightly. It’s too much of a coincidence for them to end up here.

Thawne, in that ultra creepy way of his, ends up guessing exactly who Nora is. “At least you still have one.”

He’s ready to kick his ass right there, but he can feel the tensity radiating off his daughter beside him, so he remains calm. Relatively. And by that, he means that he at least doesn’t pummel Thawne into the ground. He does get into a screaming match with him, but it could’ve been a lot worse.

He’s just as much of an asshole as he’s always been when he’s fixing the transmitter; talking directly to Nora when Barry’s standing right there. Though he does give her a weird look when he learns it was her plan that Barry can’t decipher the meaning behind.

When they go back to the night of the particle accelerator explosion, they stick to the sides of the crowd, trying to make their way to the basement, though Nora can’t stop looking for the past versions of the people she knows. She hits him on the shoulder when he spots him and Iris, pointing. “Oh! It’s you!”

“I know.” He says, smiling at her antics. “I experienced this, remember?”

She snorts. “Sorry. It’s weird enough seeing Mom in 2018. 2013 is a trip if I’ve ever had one.” He gives her a look. “Which I have not.”

When the elevator pings and they step out, she almost gasps at the sight of Gorilla Grodd. “Why are we going this way?”

“It’s a big moment, Nora. Thawne’s been planning this night for fourteen years. If we use our speed, he’ll feel it.”

“Feel a disturbance in the Speed Force…” She says in her best old wicked witch impression, reaching out to touch Grodd’s cage.

Her dad pulls her away. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

When they finally make it into the time vault, leaning against the wall and listening for Thawne to finally give up on following the weird feeling he had that someone was there, her dad jumps straight into action, knowing exactly what to say to Gideon - who to Nora, is the coolest thing in the multiverse, by the way. When she’s staring at the Reverse Flash suit, he glances at her quickly and says, “Nora, get away from there.”

She frowns, but does as she’s told. “You really hate him, don’t you?”

“Do you not know what he did?”

She looks at him as if he should know better. “Why would I?”

He takes in a breath, face permanently stuck in a grimace. “He killed my mother. In our home. When I was eleven years old. An eleven-year-old boy. Do you know why he did it? He thought, if I suffered a tragedy horrific enough, I’d never recover and never become the Flash.”

Nora blinks a few times, staring at the ground before finally looking up at him. “I’m so sorry, Dad. I had no idea.”

“Like you said… why would you?”

She thinks for a moment, suddenly filled with realization. “This is why you didn’t want me to come with you. So that I wouldn’t find out all these terrible things happened to you.”

He shrugs, crossing his arms. “You were right at thanksgiving. My job is to protect you from this stuff. I’m your father.”

“I was _angry_ at thanksgiving. I was letting out feelings I’d bottled up for my whole life, but that doesn’t mean I was right. Sure, if I was a little kid, I’d get it. God knows, there’s things that have happened to me that I’m not keen on letting you see either. But we can’t afford to waste time picking and choosing what we tell each other. Not with these circumstances.” 

He shakes his head, feeling an overwhelming need to protect her, lock her in a room and keep everyone else out. The longer she stays here, the more Joe’s words about natural instinct and ‘not a day goes by you’re not thinking about your kid’ ring true in Barry’s head. “You’ve been through so much, Nora. You’ve seen enough trauma.”

She steps closer to him, grabbing his wrists. “If you’re gonna keep it from me because you don’t feel like talking about it, I can understand that. But if you’re doing it for my sake, _please_ don’t. I wanna know _everything_. Even the bad stuff. Because it’s all a part of you. If you had the choice between never learning anything else about me ever again, or only learning bad things about me, which option would you take?”

He nods slowly, understanding where she’s coming from. “You’re right. Come here.” He pulls her in, wrapping his arms around her shoulders, one hand in her hair as hers go around his waist, head pressed against his collarbone. “You know, you make this whole new-father thing pretty easy.” He hums.

He feels more than hears her laugh against him. “We’re learning together.”

There’s a loud rumble, and he knows the particle accelerator is exploding as they stand there. He doesn’t let her go until it’s over, and the dark matter’s infused into the transmitter.

\--

Later, when they’ve narrowly escaped a fight with Cicada after the dampener plan fails, she’s sitting in the lounge, unable to stop staring at the photo her father had given her of his parents. They’re so carefree, Henry’s arms wrapped around Nora from behind, wide smiles on their faces.

Nora’s really tired of being betrayed.

He’s lying down on his hard bed when she visits him, one eye cracking open once he hears her arrive. He gets up walking towards her nonchalantly. “What is it this time? Have you come to try and back out again?”

She wordlessly places the photo against the glass, using a single finger to hold it there, her eyes filling with angry tears. “You killed her.”

If she didn’t know any better, she’d say he looks remorseful. “That was a long time ago.” He whispers.

“So was World War II.” She spits out. “But people still died. Children still grew up without parents.”

He looks down at the ground. “I’ve been honest with you about the monster I am. I don’t see why you’re surprised.”

“I guess I shouldn’t be.” She says, removing the photo, waiting until he looks her in the eyes to continue. “When I complete the plan, my dad won’t be putting you back into prison.”

“And why is that?” He whispers.

“Because I’ll have already killed you.”

—

Barry finds her outside of his parents’ house, the night they were killed. Weirdly enough, he had no idea she’d be here; he was just coming here for himself. “Hey, you.” He says, coming up behind her and wrapping an arm around her, chin resting on top of her head. She sniffles, bringing a hand up to clutch his arms tightly. “You okay?”

“Why does history have to repeat itself? It’s not fair.”

He hums, letting out a little breath. “I don’t know, Nora. I wish I could answer that for you.” They’re silent for a while, taking in the sight of Nora and Henry, wrapped up in each other on the balcony, laughing about their son’s brawl from earlier in the day. “Maybe, I should be taking a page out of your book. Travelling to the past and spending a few weeks with my parents.”

“Well, if you want some pointers, I’d suggest you don’t punch out any satellites.” She says, earning a laugh out of him as they sort of sway in their weird hug-thing. It’s actually quite similar to the photo she was looking at earlier. “Do you ever think about stopping what’s about to happen?”

“Every damn day.” He replies with no hesitation, staring at his parents with a longing look, one he would’ve seen on his daughter throughout her whole life if he could somehow see it all.

“I wish I got to know them.” She whispers, brokenly. Barry smiles a little, turning so his cheek is resting against her temple.

“Me too. They would’ve adored you, I can feel it in my bones. You remind me a lot of my mom, actually. I was thinking about that today, when you were doing that… I don’t even know what it was… impression in the basement of Star Labs.”

Nora laughs out loud. “That was my evil queen… wicked witch… hybrid impression. Did you like it?”

“It was perfect.” He laughs, still staring ahead at his parents. They go silent for a while, just watching until his parents go inside, and Nora can feel her dad getting antsy. She elbows him in the stomach, pulling away from him and starting to jog.

“Hey, old man! Come on!” She giggles, picking up speed.

He smirks, watching her go with a lighter expression on his face. “Old man?” He questions, shaking his head as he chases after her, still able to hear the sound of her laughter from all the way up the street.


	5. elseworlds... ft. Mar Novu The Dick™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> barry is oliver... and oliver is barry. and nora is.... nowhere to be found? i wonder who's doing that is?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we have a short, 4000 word chapter detailing the elseworlds crossover!! while this chapter is short and mostly filled with fun, nora makes a big, important decision that literally changes the course of the future. you're welcome, oliver!

Every time he tries to make time to visit Ollie, something comes up. Unfortunately, he blinks one day and everyone suddenly thinks he _is_ Oliver, so he’s closer to him than he ever wanted to be.

Not having his speed is weird, but gaining the reflexes Oliver has is a trip itself, and though he doesn’t have the same knowledge, he can admit he’s proud of himself for helping Dig take down the Bratva vs. Bertinellis. When Oliver saves Dig’s life and speeds them out of there, Barry’s gotta say he’s relieved it’s not just him. Oliver thinks he’s enjoying it a little too much and when Barry’s told that he woke up in bed with Iris, he knows he needs to take this seriously. He convinces Oliver that his team is more equipped to figure this type of thing out, though when they get to Star Labs, no one believes them. 

“Let me get this straight.” Sherloque says, pointing between the two, starting with Oliver. “You believe you are not Barry Allen, but in fact, he is.”

Caitlin gives Oliver a knowing look. “Barry, did you time travel again?”

“No, I didn’t.” Barry replies, only to be met with voices telling him they’re not talking to him. “I _am_ Barry.”

Cisco snorts sarcastically. “Yeah, and I’m Wild Dog.”

Caitlin and Cisco proceed to run their quick tests, both coming back normal and Barry groans, as Iris declares how crazy the whole thing is. “Guys, there is no way I could be married to Oliver Queen. Sorry, but babe, you know he’s not my type, right?” She says, looking at the entirely wrong man.

“Iris. You really don’t believe me?” Barry asks, though he can see it on her face. He shakes his head, certain that even if Iris doesn’t, Nora will. She’s got a knack believing the craziest of things, especially _when_ she comes from. “Where’s Nora?”

A look of shock displays across her face, slowly turning into a mix of confusion and guilt. “I don’t know. I haven’t thought about her once today.”

Cisco nods, eyebrows furrowed together. “Neither have I, but now that you’ve said it, we were supposed to have a ping pong match today. She should be here right now but I didn’t even notice she was missing.”

“See? Something is _really_ wrong here.” Barry tries to convince them as Iris takes out her phone from her back pocket, no doubt calling Nora as she mutters something about needing to find her. As she holds it up to her ear, Nora’s phone rings from the counter across from them. 

“Okay, Team Flash meeting. Not you, Barry.” Sherloque says, leading the rest of them out.

Later, when Oliver fails to make Iris see that they need help, Barry wakes up in the pipeline and starts to realize that he kind of hates this thing. “We just need to convince everyone that we’re not crazy!” He yells upwards, though he’s sure they probably have the sound turned off. 

“How? How do you suggest we do that? Because everyone on Earth thinks we’re each other.” Oliver says, clearly annoyed, though he gives Barry an idea.

“That’s it. Maybe it’s just Earth-1 that’s been affected. If we can get an extrapolator, breach to Earth-38 and find Kara… If she remembers us, then maybe she can help fix whatever’s happened?”

After some more arguing and Barry being forced to dislocate a limb to fry the dampener, Oliver phases them out and they go to the worship to find the extrapolator, only to be cornered by Iris, holding it in her hand. “Do you remember when I first moved in? Joe brought me to the house after my mom was killed. I looked at you and I said, _my dad didn’t do it_. Then, you said-”

“I believe you.” Iris replies, and he knows he’s won her over. “Go before I change my mind.”

She hands him the extrapolator and he opens a breach, Oliver walking up beside him, ready to go through. Barry gives her one last look. “When you find Nora, keep her far away from this.”

She nods, as if that’s what she was going to do anyway and then they’re jumping through the breach, appearing in a barn in front of some crazy woman with a hammer. Kara’s there in seconds, explaining that they’re friends and then they meet Superman (superman!). 

After they’ve failed at trying to train each other and figured out that they work best in this new reality when they act like the other, Cisco breaches in. “If you feel like forgiving us and coming back to Earth-1, we’ve got a little bit of a sitch back home. Like a, ‘please, for the love of God, there’s a killer robot destroying the city’ kind of sitch. We could use some help.”

Defeating Amazo is tough, but with the added skills of Flash, Arrow, Supergirl and Superman, it’s finished without causing too much damage to the city or civilians. Besides, they all make a good team. Barry’s been saying that for years. When it’s over, and they’ve seen Clark off, he finds his wife on the balcony of the lounge. “Are you okay?” He asks.

“No.” She admits, though he’s not sure why that’s her answer. She explains, though. Bares her soul to him like they’ve come so accustomed to over their years of being in love; shares her deepest fears. He promises her that he won’t become Oliver Queen after this is all over and she sighs deeply, nodding like she believes him. She hesitates for a second, before speaking again. “I can’t find Nora. The team and I have looked everywhere.”

He hangs his head, letting his eyes slip shut as he tries to think. There’s a million possible reasons why she may not be here, but he can’t tell how many of them are good. He’s called into the Cortex by Cisco before he can say anything else and Iris follows closely. Oliver’s quick thinking to speed-draw what they see in Cisco’s vibe is what sets the next part of their plan in motion; to go to Gotham. But first, they have to recruit Team Arrow. 

Barry makes some comment about the possibility of being knocked out and placed in a prison that Oliver really doesn’t appreciate.

The realization that something between Oliver and Felicity has frayed during their time apart, honestly kind of puts a damper on Barry’s mood, though finding out that Oliver doesn’t think Batman’s real works fast to bring it back up. 

The entire trip to Gotham is way too eventful for any of them and after getting arrested and then bailed out by Batman’s cousin and fighting each other on hallucinogens while Kara finds the book, they’re finally back at ARGUS and all they have to do is figure out how to unlock it. There’s a not-so heartfelt greeting from Felicity and then an actual-heartfelt talk between Barry and Oliver and then a breach is opening in the middle of the room, Nora appearing through it, looking to be out of breath - which really, should be impossible for speedsters. “I have been running for SEVEN HOURS.” She yells, bending over as if she might puke.

Barry walks over to here, reaching a hand out to touch her shoulder, clearly forgetting he doesn’t look like himself at the moment. “Nora, are you okay? We’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

She nods, standing up straight and pats a hand on his bicep. “Yeah, I’m good. Although, you guys clearly aren’t. Why are you wearing each other’s suits?”

Both of their eyes widen in realization. “Wait, so you know _I’m_ Oliver and _he’s_ Barry?” Oliver asks.

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I?” Nora says nonchalantly, before it dawns on her. “Oh my god. I remember him talking about this.” Eobard had told her this would happen, but she didn’t think _now_. They’re a little far out from 2024 in her opinion. Her dad asks her who and she doesn’t respond, only asking, “Are the skies red by any chance?”

She receives two nods and it finally becomes clear why she wasn’t present for the first half of whatever’s going on. Barry sees it on her face and coaxes out some answers. “Nora, what do you know?”

“The Monitor. This is all one big test. He’s going through every world and giving a random person this reality-morphing book to try and figure out who’s good enough to beat Crisis in a few years. This happened in my timeline, too.” _Only not now_ , she doesn’t say. “That’s why the sky’s red. It’ll look exactly like that when the real crisis occurs. I saw it in your goodbye video, Dad.”

“Okay, that’s weird.” Oliver mutters at the word, Barry sending him a look that says ‘not important right now’. 

Barry runs a stressed hand through his hair, mumbling to himself before looking up at his daughter again. “Okay, you go run to Central City and tell your mom that you’re okay.” He turns to Oliver. “You, go fix things with Felicity. Our line of work… you never know how much time you got.”

Nora grins. “Back in a flash.” Oliver smirks, looking like he’s about to repeat her words and Barry just shakes his head, Oliver walking out like a regular person would. He walks into the main room as Caitlin, Cisco and Curtis (or the Geek Squad, apparently) pass by Oliver, giving him and Felicity some space in their work room. “Found Nora.” Barry announces.

He gets confused looks from them briefly before his daughter appears beside him. “Done!”

“Hey, girl. Where the hell have you been?” Cisco says, surprised.

“Stuck in a space-loop dimension. I think the Monitor sent me there so I wouldn’t be affected by the reality changes.” She clarifies, hands on her hips and all too calm for the situation at hand.

Caitlin tilts her head to the side. “Wait, so you can tell who’s who?”

Nora nods, just as a flash of light comes from the room Oliver and Felicity are in. Everyone runs inside to be met with Barry Allen from Earth-90, who generally goes over everything that Nora had told Barry and Oliver, but whatever. Soon enough, Cisco runs in, only briefly distracted by the sight of the Earth-90 Barry and shows them news footage of the Monitor.

Both Barrys, Oliver, Kara and Nora make their way to the street, the SWAT team moving to the side immediately, seemingly understanding that this god-like being has too much power for them to be able to seize him. Her dad and Oliver start making demands for the Monitor to end this, though Nora knows that’ll do them no good. Mar Novu makes some comment about not intending to set reality right and Nora scoffs before she can stop herself. “I forgot how much of a dick you are.”

Before Nora found out that her father was the Flash, she knew of the god-like being sworn to watch over Mia as per her father’s request. She’d heard stories of how he was the reason Oliver had died, how he had _chosen_ his death with no regard for the people around the heroes. Of course, this was partly tainted by the anger that had always lived in Mia’s heart, but there was truth to it, too.

Before she can register it, she’s falling into a blue breach and then she’s face-to-face with Mar Novu, back in the space-loop dimension, which is pretty much just a never-ending hallway she could run down forever, even with her abilities. “What the hell?”

“Relax.” His voice booms, echoing around the halls. “I will send you back to your father after he changes the reality again.”

“You mean _you_?”

He nods. “A different version of me, yes. He doesn’t know about you yet.”

A light flickers on in Nora’s mind. “So, he doesn’t know why I’m here… Which means this is it. This is the reality when Mr. Queen strikes a deal with you. The one that made him leave Mia. What was it?”

“He would fight and die in Crisis so that Barry and Kara would survive this test.”

Nora takes a minute to think. Oliver sacrifices himself so that Barry and Kara would survive _today_ . Not Crisis. Which means he’s playing with two different world-changing events. Both Novu and Thawne told her it was possible to save her father _and_ Oliver without killing anyone else. She’s got a feeling the part that involves Mr. Queen includes stopping him from making that deal in the first place.

When she’s forced through another breach, she’s not back on Earth. She’s in another starry dimension with the Monitor she knows, his younger counterpart, Barry and Oliver. “You alright?” Her father asks as she gains her footing, walking over to stand in between them,

The Monitor she knows turns to his younger self, stating, “Nora West-Allen is under our protection. We are bound.”

He only gets a single nod from his younger self and then he’s gone and the three of them are back on Earth, outside a janitor’s closet. “Okay.” Barry sighs. “Nora, go back to Central City and stay with Iris until we figure this out.”

Nora lets out a dry laugh, shaking her head. “No way. I’ve seen enough versions of my mother for one lifetime. I’m sticking with you.”

“We don’t have time for this. We need to find Cisco.” Oliver says, Barry relenting in letting his daughter tag along, although both of the others can tell he’s not thrilled.

“Well, if us good guys are bad guys, does it stand to reason that our good guy friend is now a bad guy?” Barry suggests and Oliver nods, shrugging his shoulders.

“Sure. You’re CCPD. Where do criminals hang out in this city?” He asks, Nora jumping in before her father gets the chance to answer.

“I know.” She gets a concerned-yet-surprised fatherly look from Barry and immediately tries to retract her statement. “ I mean, no I don’t. Uh, anyway. Let’s go, slowpokes.” She grabs both of their shoulders and speeds them over to the underground bar, her father still sending her weird looks as Oliver mutters something about her at least having her speed.

Barry grabs her arm on their way in, asking how she knows about this place and she tells him he really doesn’t want to know. Truthfully, in her teenage years, she’d fallen in with the wrong crowd and spent some time with people who weren’t exactly criminals, but they weren’t on Santa’s nice list either. They find Cisco soon enough and Nora speeds him and her two counterparts to Cisco’s office, proposing they teach him how to breach between worlds. He’s not really a hard fella to convince, though she expected otherwise.

When they make it to Earth-38, she’s a little ashamed to admit that she kind of geeks out over Superman and Lois Lane, having read almost every comic book ever made about them when she was a little kid, although on Earth-1, people think they’re made up characters. Seeing them as the real thing puts a little kick in her step, reality-morphing problem aside. 

They breach to the Earth-1 Star Labs just in time, landing in front of Kara and her sister (or this reality’s version of her?), face-to-face with John, Frost and Deegan, though he’s masked as a Superman. The real Superman flashes a smile at him, saying “Nice suit. Could I have a word, please?” and Nora grins, nudging her dad in the side.

“Oh my god. He’s just like the comics.” She can’t contain her excitement, grin only growing wider until both Supermans’ are gone, as well as Cisco through a breach, leaving John and Frost, who Oliver takes care of in the elevator as the rest of them are tasked with finding the book. They find it in the Time Vault - Nora’s literally just finding out that’s the name for it _now_ \- and then Kara’s gone immediately, taking it to her cousin. 

Before they know it, her dad’s back in his suit, powers restored and they’re rushing outside, only for Barry to be put in a headlock by Deegan, threatening to snap his neck if he’s not given the book back. Oliver raises his bow, kryptonite arrow aimed at Deegan’s head and for some reason, Barry’s telling him not to do it. Nora’s honestly very confused by the whole thing but until they get to the point where Oliver’s trying to make a Crisis deal, she’s not going to interfere. Deegan gets the book and then flies away, everyone reconvening in the Cortex. She tells her dad that he could’ve just phased, but he argues that there was no plan for after that and they wouldn’t be able to take on Deegan without a much better plan than they’ve had the past few times.

He does come up with the idea of slowing down time with Kara and even when Clark tells them they’ll die, he squeezes Nora’s hand tightly and tells them they have to try something. Then he’s gone before anyone can stop them, probably because Nora didn’t protest, just gave him an encouraging nod. Oliver starts to leave and it all clicks in Nora’s head, just as Clark asks him where he’s going.

“Get the book.” Is all Oliver says.

Nora looks to Clark, nodding. “You get the book, I’ll protect my dad and Kara. _And_ Oliver. Trust me.”

Clark nods and then he’s gone and Nora’s catching up with Oliver in the hallway. “Hey, stop! I know what you’re about to do and I’m telling you not to. Let _me_ rewrite their destinies. Not you.”

Oliver looks at her like she’s crazy. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“All due respect, Mr. Queen. I’m from the future.” She says, trying to find the right words to convince him and deciding to just go all in. Screw the rules of time travel. “Okay, in a month from now, Felicity will tell you that she’s pregnant and in approximately eight months, you will have a daughter called Mia. But in 2024, you’ll die in Crisis just like my dad, and just like _me_ , Mia won’t remember anything about you. Look, _when_ I come from, Mia and I grew up together. We practically raised each other and eventually, we fell in love. We were engaged to be married at one point. But no matter how much she loved me or how much I loved her, there was always a piece of her missing. A hole she couldn’t quite fill, and that was because of you.”

Oliver’s face is an array of different emotions as she speaks, clearly never thinking he’d get the chance to have kids other than William, and he was born out of an accident _years_ ago. Nora continues. “You can rewrite timelines all you want but the universe _always_ remembers. There are remnants everywhere of what _should’ve_ been. Both of our lives have been defined by our dead fathers, so I gave up the life I had to come back here and save you and my dad. If you make this deal, you’re killing yourself and ruining any chance we have at a good future.”

Oliver shakes his head. “Barry is one of my best friends. I can’t sit back and let his daughter die for me.”

“You’re not _letting_ me die, you’re just not getting in the way of a plan that’s already been set into motion. Besides, this is bigger than you and bigger than me. This is for the sake of everyone we care about and the person we have in common. Mia.”

He frowns, clearly confused and clearly wondering about his future daughter’s life. “So, you ended your engagement to come to the past and save Barry and I from Crisis?”

“No.” Nora shakes her head. “I ended it because she broke my heart. We could never be together in this timeline. That’s why it’s so easy for me to come here and trade myself in. There’s nothing left for me where I’m from. But I have faith that in another timeline, a _better_ one, Mia won’t make the same mistake with me.”

“And I’m guessing I can’t tell Barry any of this.” Nora shakes her head in response and Oliver sighs, the weight of this decision a heavy one to carry. If Barry let William die for him, Oliver would hate him for it. But then again, Nora seems to have it all figured out, so is she really dying or just creating a new timeline? Oliver decides to hope it’s the latter. When Nora takes him to see Novu, he’s surprised at her confidence and her will to stand up to him, even when he looks his most intimidating and tries to trip her up.

“The universe is a complex piece of machinery and balance must be maintained.”

“I know.” Nora says confidently. “You need manpower. More people to fight in Crisis; people to buy time. I can give you that. In the case of a life for a life, I think you know how much my life is worth. This year, I will die and in doing so, I will move the Crisis up to 2019. Earth-90 Barry Allen will sacrifice himself for my father and I will die in the place of Oliver Queen. Do we have a deal?”

December 10th, 2019. That’s the day Nora knows Crisis will be moved to. In the timeline she’s from, Earth-90 Barry Allen dies on December 11th of the same year, suffering heart failure. It’s a terrible thing; to trade lives. But of all of their options, she has a feeling that having been given all the facts, E-90 Barry will take this one. 

“Yes. We have a deal.”

Before they can say much else, they’re back outside of Star Labs and Oliver has a glowing blue arrow in his hand. Time is slowing down and Nora can’t seem to move as fast as she wants to, stuck in her place beside Oliver as he lets the arrow fly straight into the book. Deegan falls to the ground, face morphing into a grey texture as Clark catches Lois just in time. Nora speeds over, grabbing the book and closing it before it can do any more damage. Clark and Oliver have a little conversation about their faith in Kara and Barry, and Nora doesn’t miss the look Mr. Queen gives her; one of gratitude. She just smiles, nodding once and then her dad returns with Kara, seemingly out of breath (again, should that be possible?). Brainy’s dropping a powered-off Amazo in front of them in no time and her dad pulls her into his side, arm swung around her shoulders, laughing.

After they see the other-worlders off and everything’s back to normal, Nora makes sure to give her mom a big hug, smiling as a kiss is pressed into her hair. She pulls away only slightly, nuzzling her head into Iris’ neck as her mom’s hand rubs up and down her arm, looking at the rest of the team. “Where’s Barry?” Caitlin asks.

“He and Mr. Queen went out for drinks. Honestly, after spending that much time in each other’s bodies, I think they need to talk it out.” Nora responds, thinking about how weird that must’ve been. 

Iris laughs a little, hand carding through Nora’s hair. “You know you can just call him Oliver, right?”

Nora makes a weird ‘yikes’ sound. “Yeah, uh… I was engaged to his daughter, so I don’t think I could refer to him as anything else.”

The rest of Team Flash just eats some Big Belly in the Cortex, still monitoring CCTV for Cicada to show his face, though Nora doubts that’ll be soon after the encounter at the hospital. They do, however, get an alert for another meta-sitch and Nora runs all the way to the bar to get her dad. She finds the two of them sitting on the stools, each sipping on beers. “I hate to interrupt date night, you two,” She jokes, “but we have a meta-sized problem in Englewood we gotta go deal with.”

Barry laughs at the joke while Oliver doesn’t look too impressed, his phone starting to buzz in his pocket. He pulls it out, looking at the caller ID and then gets up from his seat. “I have to take this, anyway.” He says, extending a hand for Barry to shake.

Nora gets a confused look on her face at the interaction. “You’re not even going to hug?”

“Oliver’s not a hugger.” Barry smiles, getting up from his own seat and placing a few bucks under his bottle.

Nora points at the father of her ex-bride. “One of these days. I can feel it.”

Her dad just smirks and swings an arm around her shoulders, chuckling out a “Bye, Ollie.” and leading Nora out the bar, the both of them unable to use their speed without being noticed. Though, the second they’re outside, they look both ways and then race to the scene, Barry a little _too_ happy to be back fighting crime in his own suit. The Green Arrow was fun while it lasted, but this is what he’s best at.

Besides, he just started running with his daughter alongside him. He’s not giving that up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ps. there's a little oneshot that comes up next in the series, set immediately after this chapter that details oliver going home to felicity and trying to deal with the guilt he feels knowing nora signed her own death warrant for him. it's up next in my 'happy endings aren't overrated' series and it's titled 'always dealing with the devil, always into taking those chances'. check it out, if you want <3


	6. the water filled my lungs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joss Jackam & a life-threatening injury.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter's a little bit shorter, simply because the next one is the memory machine episode and that will likely be the longest chapter of this entire story yet. This chapter is still needed however, as there are small changes made that I didn't just want to brush over by skipping writing about these episodes. I'm working day and night on the next chapter, so expect a banger coming very soon.
> 
> Thanks for all the love everyone!

With CCPD stationed outside of Grace Dwyer’s hospital room, the whole team isn’t optimistic that Cicada will show his face anytime soon, which leaves quite a bit of downtime outside of stopping the regular everyday meta-villains. Like, Joss Jackam, who’s been awaiting trial ever since thanksgiving. Nora speeds into the Cortex, her dad’s favourite suit in hand just as people seem to be asking where she was. “Right here!” She announces, continuing to make the Green Arrow joke she’d thought of on the run over here. “I just stopped by the loft to pick up your blue suit. I figured you’d had enough of green.”

Barry smirks, taking it off of her gratefully. “Hey, I made that green suit work, though.”

Nora reminds her mom of the trial today, as well as Mama Cecile’s first day back in the courtroom, her mother suggests she comes with them to support her, since Joe and Jenna are with Wally. Nora grins widely. “Yay! A family day.”

Though their ‘family day’ takes a turn for the worst when she and her dad have to stop a meta in the middle of court, resulting in her dad being stuck in phase and locked in the pipeline until further notice. She testifies for her father and Joss Jackam is sent to Iron Heights, though she never makes it. She’s broken out by an ex-military woman, the same one who stole the Lambo earlier.

When Joss Jackam creates a fake hurricane, Nora’s totally confused and unsure of what the heroic call is to make. She’s not sure she believes that Joss is suddenly a good or honourable person, but she lets her turn herself in any way, saying nothing about vouching for her. When she gets back to Star Labs, she runs.

“Your father does the exact same thing. When something’s on his mind, he runs.” Iris walks in, Raya’s DOD file in hand. “Come here.”

Nora steps up beside her mother, looking over her shoulder as Iris explains what she found. “So, there doesn’t seem to be a connection between Joss and Raya.”

Nora’s a little surprised. Iris thinks that the DOD used Raya as a scapegoat, and it makes sense, given her next to perfect service record. Though, Nora’s not sure if the call she made was the right one. “Nora, why are you so certain that Joss is a bad person?”

Nora shakes her head. “It’s not that, Mom. I just don’t want to take any chances. This isn’t my timeline. It’s not my right to make calls that end up hurting people. Even if it means giving someone a second chance.”

Iris smiles, finally understanding. “You should go see your dad. He’s the king of second chances.”

When she does, he’s reading some book the Legends sent him. “It’s surprisingly well-written.” He says, before noticing the look on her face as she slides down to sit on the floor. “What’s the matter?”

She sighs, shrugging her shoulders though she knows exactly what it is. “Just not sure I made the right call today.”

“How come?” He asks, leaning against the glass wall.

Nora crosses her arms, looking at him. “Joss told me she would tell us everything about Raya and then turn herself in if I vouched for her. I let her turn herself in, but defending her... I don’t know. I’m not really one to believe that people ever change.”

“Well, you should.” Barry frowns. “Think about your mom. I mean, do you really think that after everything we’ve been through now, Iris is still going to dampen your powers when we have you? She’s not. She changed and that came from knowledge and acceptance and some serious self-reflection. That was change.”

“That’s different.” Nora argues. “Mom was never evil. Even when I’m from, she’s just…  _ sad _ .”

“How do you know that’s not the case with Joss?”

“Because she’s a criminal. She tried to kill her own father.” Nora says with no hesitation. “I mean, what if Thawne showed up right now and told you that he’s changed and regrets killing your mom? Would you believe him?”

Barry shakes his head at her point, huffing. “No, I wouldn’t. But I also wouldn’t be able to look at the situation objectively because of what he did to me, my parents, the team. Maybe, some other person would be able to see something in him that I don’t. Just because he almost ruined my life doesn’t mean he isn’t capable of change. Anyone can change. They just have to decide to.”

Nora sighs, sort of wishing she got a different answer out of him, though this one seems the most like her father. “You know, you are terribly optimistic for a guy currently stuck in a pipeline cell.”

He smiles, letting out a small laugh. “Life of a hero.”

When she speeds to Joss’ cell, making sure no one sees her and the security cameras are wiped, Joss is sitting down with her head against the wall, frowning when she sees her. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here, hoping to god that I’m not about to make a big mistake with you. Look, you asked me for a second chance and I didn’t think I was in any position to give you one, but then I realized that we’re more alike than I originally thought. I know what it’s like to be compared to your father your whole life. To be constantly running from the expectation that you’ll be like him. Maybe, in a different way than you are, but…”

Joss connects the dots in her head, standing up and walking towards the bars separating them. “Your father’s the Flash.” She takes a pause as Nora nods at her. “That must suck.”

“It does, at times. The expectation that I’ll never be as good as him has me  _ terrified _ that I’m going to make a mistake. It’s why I didn’t trust my gut earlier when it said that you were telling the truth. But I’m  _ choosing _ to trust it now. I’m choosing to trust  _ you _ .” Nora says, well aware of how bold a move this is. “I’m gonna vouch for you with the CCPD. I’ll do my very best to convince them that you’re remorseful. But please, Joss. Just try everyday to escape those expectations that follow you around. You don’t have to be your father and I believe that you won’t be. That’s all I ask.”

Joss looks a little surprised, unsure of what to say other than to mutter out, “Thank you.”

Nora smiles. “It’s not your fault no one believed in you, Joss. But as long as you’re making an effort, I promise to be that person.”

She’s gone in a flash.

A few hours later, there’s a break-in at ARGUS and Nora just knows it’s Joss and Raya, though she was sure her West-Allen speech had stuck. She steals Frost, who makes a blockade of ice and Nora stands right in front of the stolen car, asking to speak to Joss. She hears Raya say they’ll pass but before she can realize it, Joss has thrown herself out of the car and there’s a missile heading Nora’s way that she can’t avoid. She’s tossed to the ground and then hears Joss running her way helping her up, staff in hand. “I swear to god, she roped me into this. I had no choice.”

Nora grabs her hand. “I believe you.”

She’s told through comms that the car literally  _ phased _ through Frost’s ice wall and that something happened when she did, because now they can’t see it or track it. “She’s invisible.” Joss clarifies. “I saw it on the touch screen. The car’s WayneTech.”

Nora repeats it into her comms and then before she knows it, her mom’s telling her to get out of there because the car’s heading straight to them, but Nora can’t see it to know where to go; she could run right into it. “I have an idea.” Joss says, using her staff to ice the roads, sending the stolen car into a line of other ones. Nora sends Joss a smile before cuffing Raya, sitting her down on the ground and then appearing beside Joss again.

“You saved my life. Thank you.”

Joss shrugs nonchalantly. “Nothing to it.” She says, handing Nora the staff. “Here. You should probably take me back to CCPD.”

Nora takes the staff, smiling. “This whole situation will make it a lot easier to defend your case. You did good today.”

When it’s officially been twenty-four hours since her dad was locked in the pipeline, they stand outside of his cell, waiting for the countdown to end before Cecile opens it, Barry stepping out cautiously, taking a breath of relief when he realizes he’s not still phasing. “Man, it feels good to be out of there.”

“We definitely missed you, Dad.” Nora reassures. “And you may not have been able to help me catch Raya, but you were right about Joss. She saved my life and chose to not be her father.”

“And she did that because you connected with her. You believed in her when no one else did.” Iris adds, a look of pride on her face.

“And after helping you today, turning herself in,  _ and _ giving information to the CCPD, I’m pretty certain she’ll get a reduced sentence. Two or three months is my guess and then she can build a life for herself.” Cecile says, placing a hand on Nora’s arm.

Barry grins, nudging her side. “Looks like you found your own Leonard Snart.”

Nora looks at him confused. “Who’s that?”

“He was a criminal. But I always believed there was some good in him and he ended up proving himself, eventually became a Legend. Died a hero.” Barry replies, smile going soft at that last bit. 

“I guess I did.” Nora smiles, matching his. “Time might prove me wrong, but I hope I did.”

Barry grins again, swinging his arm around his wife and kid as Cecile announces she has to find Cisco, needing his help to fix an extrapolator. “I’m proud of you for the way you handled yourself today.” Barry says to Nora.

Nora giggles as Cecile leaves the room, the three of them walking down the ramp. “You weren’t even there to see it!”

“No, but I heard all about it and I know I’m right.” He argues, laughing along with her as she extracts himself from their embrace, ready to go help Cecile out. Though she turns around in front of them, eyes all soft.

“Thank you guys. For always believing in me. Not everyone has that.”

Iris smiles, leaning into Barry slightly, a look of awe on her face at just how perfect their daughter is. They  _ made _ that. “You are very easy to believe in, babe.”

Nora just sends them a smile and then speeds out of the room.

Having two doting parents is new for her, and now that she knows for sure she’s going to die here, every moment with them is a blessing.

\--

With Nora officially instituted as Barry’s CSI assistant, she follows him around at work, having virtually nothing else to do since Cicada won’t show his face. She’s only been doing it for a few weeks, shadowing him as he does his field work when a body shows up with incisions that match those on Cicada’s previous victims. After a tip from Iris, it’s easy to tell that Cicada is finally back and on a killing spree.

They’re all in the Cortex when the meta-alert goes off, satellites picking up a dark matter flare and they know it’s him. Nora, Barry, Frost and Ralph all suit up, heading to the sight of the flare, only to see Cicada slice his magic dagger across the victim’s stomach. Barry throws a lightning bolt, stunning Cicada as Ralph shoots him a few times, followed by Frost icing him to the brick wall. Nora runs over to the victim, yelling out that they need Caitlin and Frost leaves, Caitlin announcing they need to get the meta to a hospital.

Cicada breaks out of the ice, Barry only noticing at the last possible second, and he slams his dagger into the cement, releasing a wave of dark matter that throws them all to the ground. Cicada goes straight for Nora, his affection for father-daughter duos presumably disappearing in his anger as he lifts her up, driving his dagger into the bottom of her spine. She lets out a heart wrenching scream at the same time Barry does and then she falls to the ground, knocked out. Frost returns, making moves to ice Cicada but he uses his powers to jump away, as he usually does when he thinks he’s finished for now. Barry runs over, careful not to put his hands on her in case he makes it worse, but her name is falling from his lips over and over as he stares down at her seemingly lifeless body, unmoving.

She doesn’t wake up the entire time they’re carefully moving her to Star Labs, even when Caitlin puts her in a neck brace and moves her around in their med bed, trying to get her as comfortable as possible. Iris is already waiting there when they arrive, having heard it all over comms and she grabs Barry’s hand tightly as they watch Caitlin do her thing. They leave the room while Caitlin changes Nora out of her suit (as much as she can without removing the neck brace she already placed on her) and then they’re back in there, sitting beside their unconscious daughter as Caitlin runs tests.

Iris sits closer to her, hand in Barry’s as she just stares, Barry’s hand covering his mouth, deciding to look at the floor. When they hear Caitlin’s footsteps re-enter the medbay, they both turn their chairs around as she pulls up x-rays on the monitors. “Cicada caused an axial burst fracture in her L3, L4, and L5 vertebrae. He also severely displaced her fourth thoracic vertebrae. It’s not good.”

“But her speed-healing is gonna kick in, right?” Iris asks, eyes all too hopeful for their friend having to deliver this bad news.

“Cicada’s cut flooded her body with dark matter. It’s affecting her powers. Her speed-healing should kick in, but for now…” Barry turns his chair back around, nodding as he takes in the information Caitlin’s given them with a heavy heart. “I’ll keep monitoring her progress.”

Iris does the same, eyes landing on their daughter again as Barry places his head in his hands, trying to calm himself. He hears a strangled ‘Barry’ come out of his wife’s mouth and he quickly removes it, taking her hand in his and reassuring her as best he can, as she runs a hand through her hair. “It’s okay. She’ll heal. It’ll be alright.”

Just as Iris is blinking away tears, Nora starts to groan as she gains consciousness, her hand coming up to feel around her neck brace. “What happened to me? Why does it hurt to breathe?”

“It’s gonna hurt for a little bit.” Barry says, hand holding hers as he leans closer so that she can see both her parents.

Her eyebrows furrow together in both confusion and pain as she asks him why, before suddenly realizing she can’t feel anything below her waist. “I can’t move my legs. Why can’t I move my legs? Mommy… Mom, why can’t I move my legs?”

Nora starts to get flustered and Iris squeezes her arm, leaning over her and trying to console her the best way she can. “Honey, look… you can’t move your legs because Cicada broke your back.”

Nora’s eyes widen in fear and she turns to look at her mom as much as she can, eyes filling with tears. “What, so I’m paralyzed? Forever?”

Barry jumps in and starts to tell her no without thinking about it, only for her to ask him how long. He looks down at their hands, placing his other one on top of them and sighs, admitting, “We don’t know.”

Her face contorts at the realization, though no tears fall as she looks up at the ceiling, remaining silent for a total of three minutes, while her parents just sit there, holding her in their own ways. Finally, she sniffs loudly, speaking. “I can handle this. This is fine.” Iris frowns, starting to say her name but Nora interrupts. “No, I’m good. I’m strong enough. I can handle it. I could be dead and I’m not, so…”

She gives them both a weak smile, her two parents sharing a knowing glance as they nod defeatedly, Iris telling her that she’s right and she’ll be okay. After sitting there for a few moments, Barry tells them that he’s going to go give the team an update, kissing Nora’s knuckles and squeezing Iris’ shoulder and then he’s out in the hallway, feeling like he can’t breathe although he knows he can.   
  


He leans against the wall for a minute, tears falling down his face as he wipes at them frantically, trying to remain as calm as possible. As  _ strong _ as possible. When they finally stop flowing, he lets out a big breath, wiping the last of them away and stepping into the Cortex, only to be met by Cecile just arriving. “Hey, I got here as fast as I could. Joe’s still in Tibet, I left him a message to get back ASAP.”

“Hey, that’s alright. He should stay with Wally.” Barry says, pulling Cecile in for a hug. He knows if Joe shows up, he’s totally gonna lose it and he just can’t afford to be emotional right now. He’ll curl up like the little boy he was when his mom was killed if Joe’s here giving him that fatherly look of his.

“How is she?” Cecile asks and it’s all Barry can do to whisper out, “Not good.”

He rubs a hand over his face, squeezing Cecile’s once and then he’s barking out orders, knowing he needs to focus on getting Cicada, especially with what he’s now done. They can’t fuck around anymore. “Okay, I don’t care how we do it. We need to stop Dwyer  _ now _ .”

Sherloque and Ralph get to work quickly, finding a common connection between Dwyer’s last three victims and Barry pulls up a meta-human arrest log from 2018, figuring out that all of the victims are on that list,  _ in order _ . 

Barry gets more than a little worked up at CCPD and he typically would never speak to Singh like this, but he knows in his bones that Dwyer got this list from someone in CCPD, and not being able to just swoop in as the Flash and figure it out himself is a torturous waiting game. Cecile follows him out to the elevators and he’s certain she’s gonna try and get an emotional talk out of him, but she only suggests that she calls in as many favours as possible and gets the feds to offer meta-humans protection. It’s a good plan, and it means he can stay busy.

When he arrives back to Star Labs, Iris is outside of the medbay, sneakily peeking in the window of the door to watch over their daughter. She sends him a small smile when she sees him. “How’s she doing?” He asks, peering through the window himself.

“No change. She still can’t feel anything.” Iris says, crossing her arms. “She’s still doing that weird thing, though. Pretending it’s not as bad as it is. I’ve been trying to figure it out since you left but she won’t open up.” 

“Why would she do that?” He mumbles, genuinely concerned over this clearly unhealthy coping mechanism his daughter’s taken up. It’s not like her at all; she’s easily the most dramatic person he knows - last week, she’d screamed so loud from her bedroom that he was certain Cicada had shown up to kill them, only to find out she’d felt a hair on her arm and thought it was a spider. She’s not an overly optimistic person either.

Iris shakes her head. “I don’t know. She’s barely cried, she hasn’t gotten discouraged, even when Caitlin told us there was no change. She’s literally telling stories about what classes she took in fifth grade to pass the time.” His wife pauses, looking up at him. “She asked for you, by the way.”

Guilt washes over him and he huffs, fidgeting with his hands. Iris must be reading it off his face because she continues, asking him to talk to her. He shakes his head, looking back through the window. “I can’t do an emotional talk right now, Iris. Okay? I can’t.”

She moves closer to him, running her hand down his arm and then interlacing their fingers. “Okay. Relax, honey.” She says softly, following his gaze into the room, Nora’s eyes closed tightly as she sleeps. “I don’t know what to do, Barry. I feel so helpless. I’m just… sitting here.”

“You’re helping.” He reassures, recalling the many times when he’s been at his worst and Joe’s been there to make it all better in any way he could. “When Zoom broke my back, just having Joe there made me feel safe. Protected. That’s what you’re doing in there. Doing what I couldn’t. Protecting our daughter.”

He knows he’s running away from his own guilt by diving head first into Team Flash work, but he can’t help it. He’s not ready to face how it made him feel, watching Cicada almost kill Nora, watching her fall to the ground, knowing there was nothing he could do to save her.

Iris squeezes his hand again, getting him to look at her. “You should see her before you leave. She’ll want to know you were here.”

He takes a deep breath and nods, opening the door and stepping inside, making his way over to her bed. He sits on the side of it, running his hands up her arms softly as she shifts slightly, wincing in pain. “Dad?” She says groggily.

“It’s okay. You can go back to sleep. I just came to check on you.” He says softly, smiling down at her as best he can, even though happy is the last thing he feels right now.

“Where were you?”

“We found out where Dwyer’s getting his list of metas, so we’re about to evacuate whoever’s next on the list.” He admits softly as she hums out a response. “I can stay if you need me to?”

He offers it, but he hopes to god she says no. He knows he’ll go stir crazy if he sits here with nothing but his thoughts. Luckily, she squeezes his hand, groaning out a response, sleep still evident in her voice. “No, I’m all good. Just tired. Besides, I have Mom. You go do your superhero thing.”

He leans down to kiss her forehead, whispering against it. “Go back to sleep.” He leaves immediately after, kissing Iris once before he speeds to the Speed Lab, eager to forget the darkness he feels when he thinks about what happened and his daughter lying in a med bed - for any reason. 

Even once they get all the metas on the list to the waiting location, they’re a very impatient bunch and Barry himself doesn’t care enough to be nice to them, too much on his mind to keep up his heroic facade. When there’s one meta-criminal left, Shauna Baez, Cicada shows up just as he’s struggling to get her to come with him. Truthfully, he could’ve used the extrapolator himself to get them out of there, but he’s wanted to kick Cicada’s ass since the second Nora fell to the ground.

Of course, Cicada gets the upper hand fairly quickly and then Barry’s pushes Shauna through the breach, running after her himself, leaving Cicada behind. 

Cecile corners him when she arrives, instigating the serious talk he’d been trying desperately to avoid. “You need to get a handle on this anger. It’s the same kind that drives Cicada. I understand it, Barry. I do. That man hurt your  _ child _ . But you can’t let yourself be consumed by this. This isn’t you.”

“I’m different now.” Barry seethes. “I’m a father. That’s changed everything about me. How am I supposed to let this go?”

Cecile looks like she’s come to a realization and touches his arm. “I don’t know. Figure it out. I have something to take care of.”

Cicada shows up to their drop spot, dagger ripping off the landing skids of their helicopter before it takes away all their powers. Ralph leads the metas out the back to try and find a way to get them on the helicopter while Barry and Frost stay behind.

“He’s mine.” Barry mutters, hand already closed in a fist and all he’s seeing is red.

It blinds him completely, though Frost is more than happy to let him take the lead until he’s overpowered. Frost ices the dagger, so much so that he feels the electricity running through his veins again, and he knows he can finish this. He’s moving faster than he ever has before, everyone around him stopping as he delivers blow after blow, fucking around with Cicada until he’s on his back, Barry standing over him. “You almost killed my daughter today.” Barry says slowly, fist grabbing onto the collar of Cicada’s jacket. “You’re never gonna get that chance again.”

Cicada’s done for, Barry ready to let loose one final lightning-filled punch, and then Nora’s there. She’s in her suit, purple flickers of lightning bouncing all over her body. “Dad!” She yells, and his mouth drops open, fist letting go of Cicada as he takes in the fact that she’s  _ standing _ . Not only that, but she must’ve  _ ran _ here.

“Oh my god.” He mumbles and then he’s walking over to her like he’s on autopilot, a small smile playing on his lips. “You can walk.”

Nora smiles, a little crooked, before her eyes widen, staring at Cicada. Barry turns around quickly but there’s no use; he jumps away. “Oh, I’m sorry.” Nora frowns. “I let him get away.”

Barry shakes his head, eyes filling with tears as he tugs her in, face buried in her neck. “It doesn’t matter.” She holds onto him just as tightly as he’s holding on to her and he lets out a sigh of relief, the rage he’s been feeling all day suddenly melting, as if it was never there in the first place.

When they’re back in the Cortex discussing Dwyer, Barry finds it hard to pay attention. He’s mentally exhausted and using up all of that power to get to Cicada also knocked the wind out of him, so he’s distracted, lost in his thoughts. “Dad, are you okay?” Nora asks softly, and he forces himself to put a smile on his face, pulling her in for a side hug and running his hand up and down her arm. 

“I’m good. What matters is that you’re okay.” He replies, keeping her stuck under his arm as she wraps her own around his waist. She hums, leaning her head against him as Ralph asks her how it feels to be up and running again.

“Super frickin’ schway.”

“Uh, wanna know what’s  _ not _ super frickin’ schway?” Frost chimes in. “Cicada knowing exactly when and where our ‘secret’ transport was taking place.”

They discuss it for a minute and Barry confirms that Cecile’s already on it, and they all know how scary she can be. Everyone pretty much goes their separate ways, Nora running Iris home while Barry picks up food for them. As they’re laughing about how many tacos they both ate, Iris shifts in her seat, suddenly getting serious. “So, I wanted to ask you something, honey.”

“Uh oh.” Nora smiles, though she indicates that she’s listening.

“The way that you were acting today… it was like the possibility of being paralyzed barely phased you. You were so optimistic, I just… I don’t know. I can’t seem to wrap my head around how you were so  _ calm _ .” Iris asks, leaning her elbows against the table.

Nora shrugs, admitting. “I wasn’t, Mom. I was  _ terrified _ and the whole thing was horrible and sad, but I think with everything I’ve been through in my life I’ve just realized, shit happens. It’s the progression of time. There are two ways you can react to an event: you can stop and sit in it, or you can move forward. Even before I had my speed, I was never really one to slow down.”

Barry shakes his head, arms crossed over himself as he huffs, a little astonished by his daughter’s mindset. “I don’t know how you do it, Nora. I never fully understood what you meant at thanksgiving until today. But, you’re right. One way or another, we’re going to have to lose each other.”

Nora nods in understanding. “Part of the reason I reacted the way I did was so that you guys would be okay. I don’t have a single regret about the time I’ve spent here. And even if Cicada had killed me today, I still wouldn’t. If that’s the price I pay for coming here and spending time with both of you, I’m okay with that. That doesn’t mean I want to die, I just know my priorities.”

“You are not dying anytime soon, Nora West-Allen.” Her mother warns, pointing a finger at her which gets a laugh out of Nora, who stands up from her seat, walking around the table.

“Stop with the concerned-parent looks. You don’t have to worry about me. Dinner again tomorrow?”

As she’s about to leave, her dad stops her, also getting up from his seat. “Nora?” He says, looking awkward with his hands shoved in his pockets. “Uh, I just want you to know… how much we love you.”

Nora smiles, tilting her head to the side and staring at him in awe as her mother now stands, too. “You know, I’ve only ever heard you say that in a video message. This is better.” She nods, smile growing wider as she steps into their embrace, squeezing them both and nuzzling herself in between them. “I love you guys, too.”

She speeds out of the room and Barry watches her go, a wistful, loving look in his eyes as his wife tries to reassure him. “See? She’s back to her old self. And so are you.”

  
Barry lets out a laugh, knowing in his bones he’ll never be who he was before. Even when Nora goes back to her time, there will be no ‘normal’. He’s a father now, through and through. “No, I’m not. In fact, I don’t think I’ll ever be the same. I never knew I could love someone as much as I love her.” He turns back to Iris, who smiles at him warmly.

“I know. She’s only been here a few months and I can barely remember what it was like to  _ not _ be a parent.” She mumbles, looking up at him with the real-life version of heart eyes as she grabs his hand, pulling him closer. “Hey… I’ve never met anyone with a bigger heart than you, Barry. So, it’s no surprise to me that you are a fantastic father and an amazing husband, too.”

It takes a moment, but then it clicks. What makes Cicada so different from all of the other metas they’ve faced, is that Barry and him now share one of the biggest emotional experiences; being a father. “Cicada’s a father, too. What if the key to defeating him is appealing to his heart?”

“How do we do that?”

“By saving his child. We need to wake up Grace.” He says with clarity.


	7. that this pain would be for evermore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nora uses the memory machine by herself in hopes that her dad wouldn't accidentally see any of her memories, only to have her parents go in after her and see... a lot more than they ever should have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so, this is a long one but also was so so fun to write. i personally love this episode from season five though i wish we were able to see more of nora's future and maybe get a better explanation about certain things (ex. why was she running away at that age to the flash museum? i get that she knows her dad loved the flash but there are some deep rooted issues there tbh)
> 
> the italics mean that this is the memory playing out and the regular words are barry and iris watching it and talking about it themselves, that way you can differentiate between our iris and future iris !!
> 
> happy reading :)

Barry can admit that he got a little… _frustrated_ when Nora was hurt, but their plan to appeal to Cicada’s heart has put a pep in his step and the air around their little family has been much lighter. He’s realized that for most of the time Nora’s been here (aside from their trip to Happy Harbor), they haven’t really done anything _fun_ together. It’s mostly just been dealing with Cicada and his fallout. So, he springs for game night and ice skating and Nora’s grin is enough to suck the sore loser attitude right out of him when Iris tells him schway isn’t technically a word in 2019.

She’s unbelievably adorable while ice-skating, clinging to him and Iris like they’re just thrown her into the deep end, and he can’t help but imagine if it would’ve been like this had Crisis not occurred. Would they have taken her ice-skating as a toddler and lifted her up before she could fall? Would he hold on to her bicycle seat as she takes her first ride without training wheels?

When she’s mostly got the hang of it and is skating just fine on her own, he moves up beside Iris, grabbing her hand tightly. “Look at us.” He says, grinning. “This parenting thing isn’t so bad.”

Iris snorts, swinging their hands between them only slightly, to ensure they don’t fall. “Well, I’ll tell you one thing: she’s got your dramatics.”

He frowns at her, “Hey.” and then Ralph and Caitlin are skating beside them, Ralph explaining that there is now an office space opened up beside him. Rest in peace, Larry Bloomenthal. After a long winded Zamboni story that no one asked for, Sherloque gets an alert on his phone and announces that they must go, running on his skates to get off the ice. Nora already had that idea, sitting on a bench and pouting as she rips her skates off, clearly giving up on becoming a decent skater. 

When they’re back at Star Labs, Sherloque unveils the memory machine and explains the process of going into Grace’s memories and therefore waking her up, volunteering Barry and Nora to go in so they can use their speed to get it done faster. There are a few tweaks Caitlin wants to make and she still needs to assess that it works well enough, so they agree on the next morning to go into Grace’s memories and wake her up. The next three hours are spent taking down an attempted robbery, two muggings and an almost-shootout and then Barry’s returning to the loft, Iris just hanging up the phone.

She tells him she’s not sure it’s the right time to turn her blog into a real newspaper and he just _knows_ something must’ve happened, considering she was so eager to purchase the office space this morning. When he goes to ask her about it, he gets an emergency call and answers it, face contorting into worry as Sherloque explains that Nora, for some reason, decided to use the memory machine herself and Caitlin isn’t able to take her out of Grace’s consciousness. He speeds himself and Iris over to Star Labs, Iris immediately moving towards Nora and placing a hand on her scarily still body.

“My working theory is that Grace’s unique brain damage has caused her brain to act defensively, so when it sensed an outside presence, it moved all of its neural nexus pathways to seal the exits, like a quarantine procedure.” Caitlin explains as Barry runs a stressed hand through his hair, leaning against the bed his daughter’s on. Caitlin and Sherloque both explain the risks of Nora being in there and what Grace’s brain will try to do to her, and Barry’s sure he almost faints at the word ‘brain-dead’. 

“Why would she go in there alone? We had a plan!” Iris huffs, though not angrily, more confused and worried.

Sherloque looks at them as if it’s an easy answer. “Well, I did tell her it was a possibility that travelling in pairs means you might see your partner’s memories. Perhaps there is something she did not want you to witness, like multiple years of the strained relationship you two had, yes?”

Iris frowns in realization. “She was trying to protect me from what I did. We have to go in after her, Barry.”

Him and Iris going into Grace’s consciousness now that they know her brain damage is unique and unpredictable is risky, but neither one of them hesitate. This is their daughter. 

Caitlin hooks them up to the machine as they lie on two med-beds beside Nora, ready to go in. “Remember, if you die in there…”

“We die out here. I remember from Devoe.” Barry finishes for Caitlin, before grabbing his wife’s hand. “We’ll save our daughter. I promise.”

As usual, Iris seems to believe him.

\--

When their consciousness (which feels weirdly like their physical being - he’ll never be used to this) jumps out of a portal, they’re in the bedroom Nora’s currently staying in at the loft, though it looks nothing like the guest room they’d set up for her when she first arrived. It looks like… a _nursery_ . “What the hell?” He mumbles, as Iris steps away from him, looking around. She calls his name and he turns to see her holding up a photo frame of the two of them and a _baby_. “I don’t think we’re in Grace’s memories.”

She gives him a look that says ‘obviously’ and then the floor’s shaking beneath them, a loud cry coming from the living area. He grabs Iris’ hand and rushes out, only for the both of them to stop in their tracks at the sight of _them_. The large windows that display their typically bright, hope-filled city now clearly show off red skies, with heavy winds and lightning too low to the earth. 

_His older, memory-self stands by the windows, staring at the city and taps his ear once. “Gideon, text Oliver and tell him I’m on my way. The wave’s already hit Central City.” The other Barry then turns to the memory-Iris, holding who must be Nora, though she’s only a year or so old. “I have to go.”_

_She lets a tear slip out at his defeated tone, nodding. “I know. It’s okay. I love you.”_

_Barry shakes his head, rushing over her and planting a long, goodbye-kiss on her lips. “I love you so much.” He says, before reaching down and taking Nora out of Iris’ arms. “And you, my sweet girl. I love you more than anything. I will find my way back to you, baby. I promise.” He presses his face against her small, infant one, pressing a kiss to her nose and sniffing as he hands her back to her mother. He gives them one last look and then he’s gone, Iris breaking down the second he’s sped out the door._

“Barry, she’s just a baby.” His Iris says in almost disbelief at the scene that just played out in front of her. “How does she remember this?”

“She doesn’t.” Barry whispers, not taking his eyes off his infant daughter, curled up into her mother’s chest. “She has this memory but she can’t access it because she’s too young. But I guess we can see it through the machine.”

Iris wipes her eyes, turning to him. “Okay, so how do we get to _our_ Nora?”

Barry takes a deep breath, prying his eyes away and looking at the version of his wife that’s beside him. “I think we just have to wander through her memories until the portal reappears.”

Iris shakes her head, wishing that weren’t their best option. “This is a total invasion of privacy. This is exactly why she went in by herself in the first place. We have no idea what we’re going to see.”

“I don’t like it either. But I’d rather keep our Nora alive than waste time sitting here just so we don’t see a few memories we’re not going to like.” He replies, and Iris nods, grabbing his hand as he leads her through the front door of the loft, only for them to both end up back in the nursery, though the crib is gone and it’s decorated a little differently, a toddler sized bed set up right under the window. They turn around just in time to see a young Nora in footy pajamas creeping out of her bedroom door and they follow her down the hall, tensing as they hear the loud voices that probably woke their daughter up. When they reach the kitchen, they realize the voices belong to an older Iris and Joe, the two clearly in a tough argument. 

_“I’m done with this, Iris. I’ve given you three years to grow the hell up and become Nora’s parent. He’s been dead_ three years _. You’ve had your time to grieve.” Joe spits, his voice rough and shaky with old age._

_Iris scoffs, hostility lacing her words. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize there was a time limit on ‘getting over’ the death of your husband!”_

_Joe’s voice breaks, tears springing to his eyes. “You think I don’t miss him, too? You think my heart doesn’t break all over again every time I have to go home to that house! Every time I see that empty chair at my dining table. His chair. He was my son, Iris. My boy.”_

Barry whispers out a soft, “Joe.” as he takes in the heartbroken look on the face he knows too well. The worst thing for a child is to watch your parents cry, but knowing this is over _him_ … it’s all he can do to keep watching.

_Joe continues. “The only thing he asked us to do was take care of Nora and you can’t even seem to do that.”_

_“I take care of her just fine.” Iris cuts in, looking almost offended by the comment._

_“Maybe for now, while she’s too young to understand what you’ve done.” Joe agrees. “This is wrong. All of it. She’s gonna grow up and hate you for it.”_

_“So let her hate me.” Iris shrugs, completely not fazed and unmoving in her decision. “She can love everyone else. These powers do no good to anyone. It’s better this way.”_

_Joe shakes his head, clearly not believing a word she says. “Barry did good with it.”_

_Iris snaps, hands flying up in exasperation. “Yeah, and look where it got him! Look where it got all of us!”_

Joe then looks their way and Barry’s sure he’s seen them, before he remembers that little Nora is standing right in front of them, having escaped her bed and been watching this entire fight.

_Iris follows her father’s gaze, a look of regret flashing across her face before she smoothes it out, Joe speaking with a kind, fatherly smile on his face. “It’s okay, sweet pea. Go back to bed. I’ll come tuck you in, just give me a minute.” He flicks his wrist, motioning for her to go and she takes a few steps down the hallway, out of sight, though she returns a second later, continuing to eavesdrop._

_Iris sighs, seemingly calmer than she was before they noticed Nora. “You can’t come back here and immediately start telling me how to parent my kid.”_

_“You’re not parenting her, Iris. You’re ruining her life and you’re making all of us accomplices.”_

_Iris shakes her head, shoulders tense as she seems to stand taller, arms crossed over her torso. “You’re not changing my mind about this. It’s already done anyway.”_

_Joe smacks his lips together, frown lines looking almost permanent. “Well, that’s a damn shame. But that means that I’m not going to be a part of this. From now on, you’re in this alone. It seems Caitlin and Cisco had the right idea when they left you, too.”_

They watch as Joe exits the kitchen, their daughter running back to her room to pretend she’d listened the first time and Barry tugs on his wife’s hand, trying to get her attention. “Even my dad knew, Barry. He knew I was making a mistake and he couldn’t stop me.”

Barry swallows, looking back to the kitchen to see that the other Iris is gone, probably because Nora wouldn’t have seen what happened after. “Look, as hard as it is, we have to keep moving. We can’t get distracted by her memories, it’ll only take us longer to find our Nora.” Iris nods sadly and they go through the front door again, this time ending up in a kitchen they’ve never seen before, Iris and Felicity sitting at the table and a little Nora, and who they assume is Mia, chasing each other around.

_“Honestly, I almost fell out of my seat when I heard from you. I was so certain you were dead.” Iris admits, holding a mug of coffee._

_Felicity nods, taking a sip of her own. “That was intentional. I couldn’t take any risks with the ninth circle. That’s why Oliver and I went into hiding in the first place. Telling everyone I was dead made it easier to believe that Oliver quit being the Green Arrow and then fucked off to grieve. We had a good four years here until the… red skies.”_

_“Yeah.” Iris whispers defeatedly, knowing exactly what she means. Mia runs up to them, Nora at her side and tugs on Felicity’s pant leg._

_  
__“Mommy, can I show Nora my bedroom please?”_

_Felicity smiles, a hand going through Mia’s waves and Iris’ smile mirrors it, looking happier than the last two memories they’d been shown. “Yeah, that’s okay.” Felicity nods. “You didn’t clean up your dolls earlier, so make sure you two don’t trip.” Mia nods excitedly, grabbing Nora’s hand and tugging her down the hall._

Barry and Iris follow, noticing a few framed photos of Oliver, Felicity, Mia, and a few of Tommy, Thea and Laurel, though they’re both surprised to not see any of William. When they get to Mia’s room, the two children are sitting on the carpet, playing with building blocks.

_“My mommy’s really sad because my daddy’s not around anymore. She said your mommy is the same. I think that’s why they’re friends.” Mia says, clearly getting her talkative side from her mother._

_Nora just nods. “Maybe.”_

_“My daddy went away because he was a superhero.”_

_That gets Nora to smile, an excited grin spreading across her face. “Cool!”_

_Mia nods, biting her lip as she struggles to fit two pieces together. “My mommy says that my daddy and your daddy were friends. If you think about it, that means we have to be friends too.”_

_“Okay.” Nora replies simply, taking the blocks out of Mia’s hands and fitting them together easily, before handing them back to Mia, earning her a smile._

Barry nudges Iris towards the door, the cracks of it glowing white. The one they should’ve been looking for since they got into this memory. When they step through it, they’re at a park Barry recognizes from Central City and Nora’s a little bit older, sitting in a kid swing with Iris on the phone a few feet away.

_“Mommy, come push me!” She yells, Iris only turning around for a second to look at her._

_“In a minute, honey. I told you I’m on the phone!” Iris says, turning back around and using a few harsh words to argue with the caller on the other end, Nora completely out of her eyesight._

As they’re looking for the white light that’s been guiding them through the memories, Iris tugs on Barry’s sleeve, muttering, “Holy shit.” and Barry turns around, almost tumbling over when he notices a figure beside Nora. Though, it’s not just any figure, he realizes. It’s Eobard Thawne.

“No fucking way.” Barry seethes, speeding over to them and going straight through Thawne, only then realizing that it’s only a memory and they can’t interfere. Barry’s words come out half-frustrated, half-scared as he stands closely, afraid to take his eyes off Thawne for a second. “What the hell is he doing here?” His Iris comes over to him, shaking her head in disbelief.

_“My mommy’s busy again.” Nora tells Thawne, pout on her face._

_“Well, it’s a good thing I’m here, then.” Thawne hums with a soft voice they’ve never heard on him. He pushes her swing and she giggles, Iris turning around just as she’s finishing up her call. Before she can notice Thawne, he’s already sped away._

_“How’d you get that moving all by yourself?” Iris asks, not bothered in the slightest as Nora grins cheekily, shrugging her shoulder in an exaggerated manner. Iris places her hands on her hips, voice light and joke-y. “Was it your imaginary friend again?”_

_“He’s not imaginary, Mama.” Nora says pointedly. “And I think he’s a lot nicer than whoever you were talking to.”_

_Iris laughs, making her way over to the swing and pushing Nora lightly. “That’s actually not too hard, honey.”_

Barry’s still seeing red, eyebrows furrowed together as he breathes heavily. “Nora’s never mentioned anything about this. What the hell was Thawne doing with our daughter when she was a child?” Iris doesn’t have any answers for him.

“I don’t know, babe. I mean, at least all he did was push her on a swing.”

Barry shakes his head. “No, there’s gotta be more to it. This is Thawne. He’s got a plan.” Barry says, and then the portal appears and he’s gone before she can say much else.

In the next memory, Nora’s much, much older. Most likely a teenager judging by the flask she’s filling up in the kitchen of the loft and the outfit she’s wearing, her facial features more defined than before, but less than the Nora they know. They step further inside the kitchen, rounding the other side of the island and watching her. “What’s she doing?” Barry mumbles, even though he can tell. 

_A blonde-haired woman appears behind Nora, emerging from her bedroom and grins, wrapping Nora in a tight hug from behind. “Happy Birthday. I came in through the window. Wasn’t sure if your mom would be gone yet.”_

_Nora laughs, patting the girl’s arms so she’d let go and twists the cap of her flask on. “My mom was gone hours ago. Look.” Nora picks up a scrap of paper from the counter and hands it to the blonde. “At least I got a handwritten note this year. Last year, it was just a text.”_

_“Speaking of texts,” the girl starts, pulling her phone out of her back pocket. “Gotta text Jason that the coast is clear. Where is your mom, anyway?”_

_“Detroit, I think. Following a lead.”_

_“Shocker.” Her voice drips with sarcasm and she hops up onto the counter like she’s been doing it forever. “Although, we should be celebrating. If Iris isn’t here, then she can’t ruin your sweet sixteen. Win-win, I’d say.”_

_Nora snorts, leaning one hand against the counter. “Oh, great! Now, we can just leave the ruining to Jason.” The girl shoves Nora a little. “Seriously, Mia. Since when is Jason someone we_ invite _places? You are tiptoeing dangerously on the casual-commitment line.”_

_Mia defends herself quickly. “No, I am not! And lay off him, will you? Jason is a crucial ingredient in making this your best birthday ever. If he thinks me inviting him here suddenly means we’re doing anything more than casual sex, he’s going to be very disappointed. Though, not with the sex part.”_

_“Ew, Mia! I’ve known you since before puberty, I don’t want to hear about your sex life!” Mia just shrugs, biting her lip cheekily as a man bursts through the front door, presumably Jason._

_“Happy birthday, loser.” He skips over, giving Nora a little side hug before he notices the note on the counter, picking it up. “Aw, how sweet. She remembered your birthday.”_

_That sparks a laugh out of both girls as Mia hops down from the counter, clapping her hands together. “Alright, let the birthday festivities commence!”_

_“Okay, before you take me to wherever you have planned, I do need to go see my grandparents first.” Nora points and Mia rolls her eyes, grabbing that same hand and interlocking their fingers._

_  
__“Duh. I made room for it in the schedule.” Nora smiles warmly at the comment, letting Mia lead her out of the loft, but not before Jason hops over the counter, grabbing a random bottle of alcohol from Iris’ fridge._

Barry and Iris follow them through the door to Joe’s house, both a little surprised that he’s still living there, even with how old he must be now. His beard is longer and his hair is a little grayer, but his eyes are the same. 

_Joe sits in his chair, lighting up when he sees his granddaughter, though he makes no motion to get up. Nora grins, hand held tightly in Mia’s, Jason sticking behind them as Nora leans down, kissing Joe on the cheek. “Happy birthday, sweet pea.”_

_“Thank you.” Nora smiles warmly as Mia leans down to give Joe a little hug._

_“Good to see you, Miss Mia.” Joe smiles, rubbing a hand over each of their arms, looking at Nora. “I sure hope you’ve got a call from Jenna.”_

_Nora shakes her head. “Not yet, but I’m sure she will before I go to bed. Where’s Mama?”_

_“Right here.” Cecile’s voice announces as she steps down the last stair, hair a little shorter and eyes a little crinkly. “I was finishing wrapping your gift. Sixteen is a big one, you know.”_

_Mia snorts as Nora takes the small gold and white wrapped box, swinging an arm around her shoulders and joking, “Oh, we know.” which earns her an elbow to the side from Nora. Mia walks over to Jason, tugging him down to sit on the sofa as Cecile rests on the arm of Joe’s chair, Nora still standing, carefully unwrapping the box. Her mouth drops open slightly as she takes out the gift, holding up a silver chain with what looks like an engagement ring attached to it._

_“That’s the ring Joe gave me when he proposed.” Cecile smiles, an arm around Joe’s neck. “Your father helped him pick it out a few months before he died.”_

_Nora blinks a few times, still in awe at the sight of the ring and the meaning behind it. “Really?” She whispers, as if she can’t believe she’s somehow come into possession of a piece of her father._

_Cecile nods, clearly pleased with Nora’s reaction. “I know an engagement is a lot further down the line for you, if you even want that, but we wanted you to have something special. Something Barry Allen Worthy.” Cecile pauses before bringing her hands up to her eyes. “God, I told myself I wouldn’t cry.”_

_“I’m there with you, babe.” Joe says, voice strained as he takes off his glasses wiping at his own eyes before looking at Nora again. “He would’ve absolutely loved to be here. And he would’ve given you something meaningful.”_

_Mia looks down and plays with her fingers from her spot on the couch; a guilty action that doesn’t go unnoticed by Jason, who bumps his arm into hers to get her attention and then raises his eyebrows. Mia just shakes her head, biting her lip._

Iris tugs on Barry’s shirt, staring at the young Queen. “She knows. Everyone here knows and they’re not saying anything.”

Barry frowns, shaking his head. “This is a happy memory, Iris. Her sixteenth. I may never get to see this.” _So, I want to enjoy it_ , goes unsaid as he takes in the scene; tries to memorize the touched look on his daughter’s face, a few tears streaming down it.

_“It’s so perfect.” She sniffs, reaching around the back of her neck to clasp it on. “I’m never going to take it off. Thank you.” She leans down to hug them both with the biggest smile on her face. “So, what are your plans for tonight?” She asks once she’s pulled away and has a better hold on her emotions._

_“Uh, I think we’re going to go for dinner at that place down by the boardwalk. It seems like the perfect night for it. Let us know if you guys need picked up or anything, though. We’ll be out anyway.” Cecile answers as Joe laughs, a look on his face that says ‘don’t need us’._

_Mia gets up from her seat, Jason rising with her. “Well, we should probably get going. big birthday plans and all.”_

_Joe smiles, motioning with his fingers for Nora to lean down and he kisses her on the cheek before turning to Mia. “Take care of my girl today.”_

_“Always do.” Mia hums, watching Nora give her grandmother a hug and then swings her arm over Mia’s, Jason doing some kind of salute thing._

_“Nice to see you, grandparents.” He says, opening the front door and letting the girls walk through it before he follows them out, shutting the door behind them._

When Barry and Iris go through the next door, they’re at a roller rink on what’s presumably the same day. It looks like it hasn’t been used in years and they’re certain the group had to break in to even be able to use it. There’s more of Nora and Mia’s friends now, all squeezing into skates and failing miserably at rolling around the rink, most opting to hang onto the walls. Nora looks happy, though.

She’s also a terrible roller skater, as they should’ve guessed considering their ice skating date earlier. She falls every few seconds, bringing some of her friends down with her until eventually, she just decides to lie down in the middle of the rink, staring at the reflections of the disco ball on the ceiling, humming along to the song playing over the speakers. Barry and Iris walk up to her, sitting on the floor as if they’re really there. The constant bodies literally going through them remind them that they’re definitely not. “I don’t get it.” Barry says, frowning. “Why are we stuck on this day?”

Iris shrugs, reaching out to tuck a strand of Nora’s hair away from her face, though it does nothing. “I don’t know. Maybe we need to see it.”

Barry shakes his head. “It’s a machine. How would it know what memories we need to see?”

“I don’t know, babe. How did it know to show Sherloque that his partner was screwing his wife?” Iris looks around at the people her daughter wanted to be around on her sixteenth birthday and feels a pang in her chest that she wasn’t one of them. “Whatever’s going on here, I think this day is important to Nora. And since I can’t find the light that’s supposed to lead us out of here, I wanna know what happens.”

Barry doesn’t seem to like the idea, but he nods nonetheless just as Mia’s falling down beside them, lying herself right beside Nora.

_“So? How’d I do? Is this the best birthday ever?” She asks, getting a smile out of Nora who just giggles, still staring at the ceiling as Mia continues. “I, for one, think it’s a colossal disaster that all roller rinks when out of business. I haven’t had this much fun since we snuck out that one time and went to Dino’s.” Nora stays silent. “Are you okay?”_

_She nods, and then her face falls, realizing she doesn’t want to lie and move on. “I’m thinking about my dad. It’s weird. These days it’s like he never existed in the first place but for some reason, I just can’t get him out of my head today.”_

_  
__Mia hums. “Well, it makes sense. It’s a big day.”_

_Nora sits up, shaking her head. “It’s just another day, Mia.”_

_Mia scoffs, sitting up too so that she’s facing Nora’s side, a hand coming out to grab a hold of her arm. “No, it’s not. Nora West-Allen, you have done more growing up in the past year than anyone I’ve ever known. You know what you want and who you are, and you’ve come into your own, finally. You feel like_ you _. A you that’s more like the version I knew back before we hit double-digits and life threw all its bullshit at us.”_

_Nora huffs. “That still doesn’t explain why I’m thinking about my dad. I barely knew the guy and now, all of a sudden, I just… it feels like he was meant to be here.”_

_Mia nods in understanding, taking a deep breath, speaking quietly. “So, about three weeks ago we got our cap and gown delivered in the mail for the ceremony in April. My mom was at Mrs. Carver’s and so, I sat in the kitchen and opened the package and… I just lost it. I mean, I seriously just had a total breakdown. I hadn’t cried over my dad’s death in over ten years and on that day, it just felt like he’d left to die all over again.”_

_Nora looks surprised, grabbing onto Mia’s hand. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”_

_“I guess because I didn’t understand it yet.” Mia gives her a soft smile, thumb stroking over the back of Nora’s hand. “Look, we’ve always bonded over having a dead dad. And yeah, they died around the same time and we were both super young, but our situations are super different. My mom mentions my dad every single day. Whether it be in passing, or to tell me he loved me or even just to tell me some ridiculous story I probably won’t remember. And then, we go to your house and it’s like your dad’s name is a bad word. You don’t know anything about him.”_

_“Yeah.” Nora whispers, nodding her head. “Papa Joe thinks my mom’s taken too long to grieve. That she hasn’t accepted he’s gone, even after all these years.”_

_Mia nods, a sympathetic look on her face. “And unfortunately, I think because Iris won’t grieve, means you don’t know how. So don’t act like remembering your father is a bad thing, even if that’s what you were raised to believe. And you’re right, he should’ve been here. And it’s okay if you wish he was. Even without knowing him. He’s a part of you. Don’t hide from that.”_

_Nora laughs out loud, throwing her head back a little. “I can’t believe I’m getting a lecture on daddy issues from you, of all people.”_

_Mia grins, shrugging her shoulders and loops an arm with Nora’s, placing her head in the crook of her neck. “Yeah. Well, you’re not the only one who’s done some growing up. Take it from me; being angry with dead people gets you nowhere.”_

_Nora giggles, her phone buzzing in her pocket and she brings it up to her ear, answering it. “I figured you’d call eventually. Thanks, Jenna. Yeah, Mia took me to some abandoned roller rink. I’m pretty terrible at it, but it’s been fun.” Mia gasps, happy with getting an answer on the success of her birthday plan and Nora just responds by sticking her tongue out, still talking on the phone. “Wait, you’re in Central? No way! Okay, I can be there in an hour. Absolutely. Bye.”_

_Mia raises her eyebrows as Nora hangs up. “Is the best birthday ever about to be cut short?” Nora cringes, starting to apologize but Mia cuts her off, laughing. “Go. You see me all the time. It’s once in a blue moon that Jenna comes back to Central City. I’ll hitch a ride with someone else.”_

_“Thank you.” Nora smiles, squeezing Mia into a tight hug and kissing her cheek. “I love you.”_

_“I love you back.” Mia says as Nora stands, squeezing her hand one last time. “Happy Birthday.”_

Barry and Iris follow silently.

_Nora’s running up the steps to Joe’s house, still on the same day. She swings the door open with an excited smile on her face that drops very quickly, replaced with a look of terror. Jenna is lying on the floor of the living room, blood pooling out of her body as she takes fast, loud breaths, as if she’s hiccuping._

Iris brings a hand up over her mouth, whispering “Oh my god.” as tears immediately spring to her eyes at the sight of her grownup baby sister dying right before them. Barry quickly pulls her into him, trying to shield her with his body so she can’t see, though she can’t bring herself to look away.

“Don’t watch it. Look away.” He says, voice breaking, his own eyes watery as he turns away from the scene, his eyes only going back once Nora speaks.

_“Jenna.” Nora lets out, so quietly they barely hear it. She stammers for a bit, unmoving before she brings her watch up to her mouth. “Call 911. Send them to my location. My aunt’s been attacked.”_

_She drops down, hovering over Jenna, muttering something about applying pressure and then Jenna’s crying out from Nora’s hands on her large cut, hands turning red with blood. She struggles to get a word out and then whispers one thing: “Cicada.”_

_Nora’s face contorts with a whimper, nodding as if she knew that’d be the case. Tears fall down her face as she stares at Jenna’s. “You never should’ve come back.”_

_Jenna takes a few short, hard breaths. “Your birthday.” Is all she gets out and Nora lets out a strangled sob. It’s a few seconds before Jenna’s eyes widen in fear and she quickly tries to get the words out. “You have to tell my parents… you have to tell.. you have to tell my parents… tell them…” Her eyes freeze, trained on Nora’s face and her body goes limp, the blood that had clogged up her throat spilling out the side of her mouth and onto Nora’s pants._

Iris lets out a strangled sob. crying into Barry’s neck, though she goes silent, both of their bodies freezing at the sound of Cicada’s mask, though when they glance down the hall, they only see his back, dagger in hand as he walks out the back door, clearly having only stuck around to make sure the job was done.

_Nora’s seen him too, because her breathing gets more frantic and chokes on her own tears. “What did you do?” She screams, though he’s already gone. She looks back down at Jenna, her eyes still open and scarily still and Nora shakes her head. “You’re not dead.” She says, bringing her hands up to her face, though she only gets blood all over it and has to use her shirt to wipe it from her mouth. She brings both hands down and starts CPR, though it’s useless.. “You’re not dead.” She repeats._

“I don’t want to watch this.” Barry says, letting go of Iris. “Let’s just find the door, okay?”

He opens just about every door he can find but none of them lead to the next memory, not until the paramedics show up. Then, the white light surrounds the front door and he literally has to tug Iris through it.

_The next few memories are of the funeral, blurred and probably altered, they realize, as they watch their daughter not-so-sneakily sip from a flask she’s shoved into her jacket pocket. She’s on her way to drunk when they lower the casket and everyone around her knows it. When it’s over and everyone’s getting ready to leave, she makes some comment as she’s walking past a bouquet of flowers about Caitlin, Cisco and Frost not bothering to show up and Mia, who was sharing her condolences with Joe and Cecile, notices immediately, excusing herself and getting into an argument with her best friend about driving home drunk. It doesn’t end well; Nora making the decision to walk home and basically telling Mia to fuck off and mind her own business, effectively breaking_ Barry and Iris’ _heart at the way she’s handling her grief._

_It doesn’t end there. She spends a considerable amount of time fighting with Iris over anything and everything, mostly when she tries to stop her from going to yet another high school party, trying to escape her grief; something Iris is well-versed in. It only results in various screaming matches, Nora calling Iris a hypocrite and slamming the door on her way out._

Barry and Iris try and push their way through, going through the doors as quickly as they can, hoping they can get to the daughter they know and hug her tighter than ever before.

_She’s a few years older, in what they think is her senior year, when Nora, Joe and Cecile are outside of the West house, the sky dark as they load the car with bags. When they notice Nora walking up to them on the sidewalk, Joe looks surprised, smiling a little. “I wasn’t sure you’d show.”_

_Nora huffs, looking sheepish. “Yeah. Well, I know I haven’t been coming around much lately, but I figured I’d be the worst granddaughter in the world if I didn’t at least say goodbye. I gotta admit, I think you guys have the right idea. Getting out of here… this city’s stained.”_

_Joe nods in understanding. “You know, there was a time when we were certain we’d stay here forever… grow old, I guess. Then, your dad died and now Jenna… a lot’s changed.” He pauses, giving Nora a onceover. “So have you.” He says, though he’s not talking about her physical appearance._

_Nora rubs her hands together, more from awkwardness than the cold, and nods. “I know I’ve been… hard to handle.”_

_Joe gives her a knowing look. “Well, if you know that, then why haven’t you tried to change it?”_

_Nora lets out a breath, shaking her head. “I can’t. Things are different now. We… no one can go back to how things were before.”_

_“No, we can’t.” Cecile says softly. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t move forward. Or that we shouldn’t.”_

_“It’s been over a year, Nora.” Joe starts. “And while there is no time limit on grief, my worst fear is that you become like your mother. She’s… stuck in time. The second your father died, it was like time stopped and she hasn’t changed or grown since. That’s a very dangerous path to go down and I see that in you. In the way you’ve been acting.”_

_Nora sniffs, able to see her breath as she speaks. “But how do I stop? Even before… I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life or where I was going to go. It’s my senior year and I still have no idea what I want to do.”_

_“Baby.” Cecile pouts, whispering softly._

_Joe shakes his head, a little smile creasing his features. “It’s not about a career or what you do or where you go. It’s about who you are. What kind of person you want to be. The relationships you want to have with people.” He pauses, leaning against the car after he shuts the trunk, Cecile coming around to stand beside him. “You know, your father knew what he wanted to do from the time he was eleven. His entire life was consumed by the lead up to him getting his career and then the work he did when he finally got there. And in the end, it didn’t matter. Because the people that loved him, the people that knew him… that’s not what they remember about him. They remember that he could eat any of us under the table, that he had some weird connection to Lady Gaga’s early music, that he was always late to literally everything. The only time he was ever early was his wedding and your birth. What we remember is how he made us feel and the impact he had on our lives.”_

_Cecile gets up from her place leaning against Joe and walks over to Nora, cupping her face with her hands. “I know in my bones that you are going to do some amazing things, Nora West-Allen. And I’m sorry that your dad and Jenna aren’t going to be here to see it. But baby, this is your life. This is the hand you’ve been dealt. And maybe you didn’t ask for it, but it’s yours. You have the control and you make the decisions. For these past seventeen years, you have left it up to the universe. Now, it’s time for you to take your life back.”_

_Nora nods, her eyes watery though no tears fall and Cecile kisses her forehead, pulling her in for a hug, exchanging ‘goodbyes’ and ‘I love yous’ before Joe does the same, squeezing his granddaughter tightly. When they’re getting into the car and Nora’s standing on the sidewalk beside it, she frowns suddenly, calling out to them. “Hey, what_ did _my dad do?”_

_Joe grins. “He was a CSI.” Nora nods, eyes wide in wonder. “Be careful walking home.”_

_Nora nods and waves, not moving until the car’s down the street. She reaches into her back pocket and pulls out her phone, trying to type out a message to Mia, who she clearly hasn’t talked to since the funeral, but ends up erasing it at the last minute, too nervous to actually contact her ex-best friend._

The next few memories they see go by fast, though they’re so meaningful in painting the large picture of Nora’s life over the last few years before she’ll travel back in time to see them. Applying to university, getting her acceptance letter, her high school graduation, Mia crawling through her window randomly and the start of them being friends again. Meeting a few new friends, including John Diggle’s son and William, as well as Lia, a friend she meets at university. 

Her first kiss with Mia, consoling her after her mom leaves. Getting the call that Joe has died, attending the funeral, reaching out to hold her mother’s hand for the first time in years. Mia helps her move in with Lia and they pop champagne, Nora looking happier than they’ve ever seen her.

_“Okay, get together.” Mia says, holding her watch up, champagne glass in the hand of all three girls as Nora swings her arm around Lia, squeezing in close. “Say home-owners!”_

_Nora raises a finger. “Actually, we’re renting.”_ _  
  
_

_“Say, home-renters!” Mia says with the same amount of enthusiasm as the girls smile and she takes their photo._

She has her moments; fights with Mia, stressed-out breakdowns, failed tests, a fire in their apartment building. But then there’s holidays and a proposal and graduation and numerous decent-and-kind-of-civil phone conversations with Iris. For the most part, the memories they see are happy, looking like Nora’s really turned her life around. Until she cuts her hair to the same length _their_ Nora has it and she goes on a Knightwatch mission, only for Lia to die in her arms and they just _know_ this happened recently.

She’s just asked Mia to leave her alone as she sits outside the hospital, head in her hands, clearly trying to get herself together. Iris squeezes Barry’s hand, staring at their daughter and trying to project as much love towards her as she can, even though she knows this isn’t actually Nora’s consciousness. “Why does this keep happening to her, Barry?” She asks, but she doesn’t get a response.

She looks up at him, following his gaze and he mutters, “What the fuck?”, leaving her side and speeding over to a figure she didn’t notice, though he runs right through. When she realizes it’s Thawne, she brings a hand up to cover her mouth, having forgotten about the encounter at the park from Nora’s childhood. “What the hell is he doing back here?”

The anger laced within her husband’s words is exactly how she feels as she watches the scene, Nora declaring that since they haven’t seen each other in so long, they surely couldn’t have anything to talk about. That, at least, is a relief. Iris couldn’t fathom the thought of Nora growing up with Thawne, being _friends_ with him all whilst having no idea who he is and what he did to her father. 

_“It was your mother’s decision. I’ve respected that for years, as have all of your friends and family. But you could’ve died today. And this knowledge, it would’ve protected you and maybe even your friend.” He says and she tilts her head at him, a little annoyed though she gestures for him to continue. “Your father, Barry Allen, was the Flash. I know because I was his Reverse. I was the last one to see him, during the Crisis.”_

_Nora lets out a loud laugh, though there’s no joy in her eyes. “Right. No, my father was a CSI. He died in the fallout of the Crisis. What are you trying to do here?”_

_“Nora, I promise you. I am telling the truth. Your father was the Flash. You have the Speed Force running through your veins. Your mother’s kept details about your father a secret all these years because she dampened your speed.”_

_Nora stammers for a bit, shaking her head in disbelief. “No. No way. My mother is distant and cold, but she’s not evil. She wouldn’t do that.”_

_Thawne breathes out, looking overly uncomfortable. “The scar on your collarbone… she always told you that what you felt under it was just the bone, but no one else has that, Nora. That’s because it’s a chip, put there by your mother’s friends, Caitlin and Cisco, to dampen your powers.”_

_Nora blinks, her eyes filling with tears as she shivers from the cold air. “So, you’re telling me that not only did my mother lie about my father and take away any powers of super speed I may have, but they knew about it?”_

_“Everyone did. Your grandparents, your Aunt Jenna, your friends… your fiancé.”_

_Nora scoffs, getting frustrated quickly and trying to find any reason to doubt that he’s telling the truth. “How the hell would you know? You don’t even know them!”_

_“I’ve been watching over you for years! Protecting you! Once your father died, I realized I had nothing left. All I ever did was try and make him miserable and it got me nowhere. I at least wanted to make sure you had a good life. But if you had known about your powers earlier, you could’ve saved the people you loved. You wouldn’t be in so much pain right now.”_

_Nora starts yelling now, startling the few people in the parking lot, getting to their cars. “And what do you want? A thank you? You lied to me for years. Not just about this, but about who you are. I always thought you were my imaginary friend and now you tell me that you were my father’s arch-enemy? That you tried to kill him multiple times? That you’re probably part of the reason he’s dead?” Nora scoffs, looking at him with pure betrayal in her eyes as she croaks out, “I never want to see you again.”_

_Eobard pauses, looking almost remorseful, and then nods, speeding away._

Barry’s eyes are filled with rage and he clearly doesn’t know where to put his hands, rubbing all over his face and through his hair as he sways on his feet. “I can’t believe she heard it from him.” Iris says, and he can’t formulate a response, just watches as Nora confronts her friends and fiancé. It’s absolutely heartbreaking, but what’s worse is when she goes back to the apartment without thinking, walking through the front door and taking one look at her home, and they watch as the cold, hard realization that Lia’s dead slaps her in the face. He gags a little when she cuts the chip out and then his rage turns to a deep sorrow as he watches her breakdown over his goodbye video at Star Labs. She curls up on the ground, sobs racking her body as he and Iris sit down beside her, leaning their bodies against her even though she can’t feel it.

There’s a flash of light and then she’s making conversation with a weird, god-like being and Barry’s sure that’s gotta be the Monitor. “This is the end, I think. That’s the Monitor. He’s about to send her to 2018.” He says, before the Monitor’s even said that and he leads out of the Time Vault, expecting for them to show up in Grace’s mind, though it seems there’s one last thing Nora does before leaving for 2018.

When they realize she’s back at the loft, Barry knows what it is. “We shouldn’t watch this. Iris, let’s just go.”  
  
His wife shakes her head. “No. I can’t. I have to see this, Barry.”

He relents, though he sits down on the sofa, sighing from exhaustion and wiping at his eyes, his face feeling tight from his previous tears.

_When the doorknob turns, Nora closes her fist and watches as her mom jolts at the sight of her. “Nora.” Iris says in surprise. “Honey… I am so sorry about Lia.”_

_Nora jumps in immediately, staring at Iris intensely as if it’ll force answers out of her. “Why weren’t you there?”_

_Iris frowns, voice somber as she talks like she’s reciting a script. “I was chasing a lead. By the time I got there, you probably would’ve been home already.”_

_“You could’ve tried. You could’ve said ‘I’m on my way, honey. Just wait for me’. You know, I had to go to that apartment alone? The apartment that basically screams her name. You should’ve been there.” She watches her mother glance at her ring finger and she can’t help but cover it with her other hand._

_“Where was Mia?” She asks, as if afraid of the answer._

_Nora blinks, taking a shaky breath, her voice coming out strained. “We’re not engaged anymore. In fact, we’re not anything anymore. Can you guess why?” At her mother’s confused look, she uses her speed to flash directly in front of her, her left hand holding the chip up on display. “How about now?”_

_Iris’ face flashes in recognition as she sighs, nodding quickly like she’s forcing herself to finally talk about it and asks, “How did you get that?”_

_Nora pulls at her shirt and shows her the newly stitched scar. “I cut it out. I wanna know why.”_

_Iris just sighs again, taking her jacket off and making her way into the kitchen to pour herself a glass of water. She takes a sip, and then doesn’t speak, so Nora does. “Come on, Mom. It’s over. I know you love me, I know you’re not evil … so why did you do it?”_

_“I was trying to protect you.” Iris replies, but Nora sees right through it. Her mother isn’t being truthful and it’s clear in her eyes that she really doesn’t want to have this conversation. “From the city, from metas. From yourself.”_

_Nora shakes her head. “It sounds to me like you were trying to protect yourself. But you had a million other options, Mom. I’m twenty-six. You could’ve told me years ago. You could’ve given me the choice once I was old enough. Most of all, you could’ve asked me to give it up. If you’d just explained why, maybe I would’ve done what you wanted.”_

_Iris lets out a dry laugh, shaking her head as if that’s ridiculous. “Nora, you were a nightmare as a teenager. There’s no way you would’ve listened to me.”_

Barry and Iris watch as Nora loses all sense of composure, face turning cold.

_“You know, it’s crazy how differently we remember those years. It actually kind of makes sense, now that I think about it. I always felt like I was missing something, like I was somehow different than everyone else. I thought it was because Dad died, but then again, Mia had a dead dad too, and we couldn’t be more different. Now, I understand. I mean, this is why we never see Caitlin and Cisco anymore, right? Because they knew they were lying to me.”_

_Her mother’s face changes from sympathetic to annoyed very quickly as she huffs out a response. “They didn’t exactly agree. But I’m your mother, Nora. I did what I had to do.”_

_“You did what was best for you .” Nora sniffs, wiping her eyes. “This isn’t just about the chip. You and I have been fractured for a long time. My whole life, I’ve asked every question under the sun, just to scrape at something about Dad that’s worth remembering and all I’ve gotten were footnotes of his story and I didn’t even get them from you! And now, I learn that you’ve taken the only thing that connects me to him away from me and not only that, but you’ve taken away my relationship with everyone that I love. Who am I now, Mom? Who am I if every single relationship I’ve had has been based off of a lie?”_

_Iris crosses her arms, swaying on her feet awkwardly. She seems to finally realize that what’s hurt the most is that her daughter is completely alone now. “I didn’t mean for this to ruin any relationship of yours, I promise. Everyone did what they did because they love you.”_

_“But what’s love without trust?” Nora hiccups, and then brings her hands up to her face to dry her tears again. “I was supposed to get married , Mom._ Married _. I was supposed to be a wife… and now I’m nothing. I’m not even a daughter.”_

_She doesn’t give her mother the chance to respond before she flashes out of there._

Iris looks back and forth between her future self and the door, eyes widening in frustration. “What are you doing?” She groans at the other version of her, standing frozen in the kitchen as the memory must have ended. She feels Barry’s hands grabbing at her shoulders and she pushes him away, eyes watering and her throat going dry. “No! No. I don’t understand, Barry. I don’t understand. What am I doing to her?”

“I don’t know, I don’t know.” He repeats, grabbing at her shoulders again. “But can we _please_ talk about this when we get out of here and _our_ Nora’s safe? This has to be the last memory. She must’ve ran to the future right after this. Please, let’s go get her. Please.”

Iris bites her lip, pausing for a second and then nods a few times, Barry nodding back at her as he leads them out the door, finally landing in Grace’s consciousness, just in time to save Nora from… Cicada? Iris helps Nora up as Barry notices Grace, reaching out to her until Nora grabs his hand frantically. “She’s not coming. Let’s go.” He barely has time to ask before all three of them are running towards a portal and jumping through, waking up in their beds back at Star Labs.

He hears his daughter let out a breath of relief, Caitlin muttering something like ‘thank god you’re alright’ and then he’s pulling the wires off his head, Caitlin immediately taking them to the medbay and checking their vitals.

“Neural oscillations are normal. You three are perfectly healthy.” Caitlin says after running her tests. “Oh, and we think we figured out how you two ended up in Nora’s brain.”

Once her and Cisco have explained the satellite shard in Grace’s brain and how Nora had to fight a defense mechanism while Barry and Iris didn’t because of it, Nora looks to her parents in panic. “Wait, you guys were in my memories?” The look on everyone’s faces says it all and Nora falls backwards on the medbed, hands covering her eyes.

Barry silently thanks the rest of the group as they start to fizzle out of the room, leaving him and Iris to talk to their daughter, though Nora cuts in before they get the chance, not moving from her position. “Whatever you guys saw in there, I don’t want to know.”

“Nora, we had a plan. Why did you go in there alone?” Barry asks and Nora sits up, a little confused at the question.

“Do you really have to ask that? When we went into the past to get what we needed for the magnet, you didn’t want me there because you didn’t want me to see your hardest moments so that they wouldn’t be what I remembered when I went back. I did the same thing here, just a different way.”

“Nora, this _different way_ could’ve gotten you killed!” Barry argues.

Nora shakes her head. “And yet, it’s still a better option than seeing the look you two have on your faces right now.” She looks to her mother. “You’ve been quiet.”

Iris raises her hands in surrender. “You said you don’t want to talk about it.”

“But obviously you do.” Nora waits for Iris to talk and then turns to her father. “Dad? How about you start? What do you want to talk about most?”

He hesitates. “Eobard Thawne.” He says, and Nora’s face drops.

“Figures.” She mutters before starting to defend herself. “We’re not friends or anything.”  
  


Barry interrupts, nodding. “No, I know. He said that he’d been watching over you…”

“He started showing up when I was really young. I always thought he was imaginary because he was always gone before other people could notice him. He’d show up to parks and school plays and trips… sometimes if Mom and I went out to eat and I asked her for dessert but she wouldn’t get me it, one would end up on our table, paid for by some mystery man. I didn’t connect the dots together until I was older. I haven’t seen him since…”

“We saw.” Barry says. “At the hospital with Thawne and Mia… we saw.”

“Is that the last thing you saw?” Nora asks, a little scared.

Iris shakes her head, looking up for the first time. “We saw you confront me at the loft.”

Nora’s face falls and starts off with a sympathetic tone. “Mom…”

“Don’t you dare try to apologize.” Iris says, blinking away a few tears. “All this time… Honey, it must have been so hard for you. I understand it now. Why you were so _distant_ in the beginning, why you were so hurt. It was more than dampening your powers. I was barely your mom, I didn’t talk about your dad, I fractured my own relationship with pretty much everyone.”

Nora sighs, shrugging her shoulders and avoiding eye contact. “You were grieving.”

Barry cuts in, leaning more towards her. “We all know that’s not an excuse.”

Nora sniffs, shifting in her seat uncomfortably, wanting to get out of the conversation as much as possible. “Look, I’m fine. We’re all good. I’ve put it in the past and I’m okay. I’m _finally_ happy. So, let’s not rehash some of the worst moments of my life, okay? Please?”

At the looks of agreement on her parents’ faces, she makes moves to leave but Barry grabs her hand, pulling her back. “Wait, there’s something else I need to say.” She sits back down on the bed and he doesn’t let go of her hand, looking her directly in the eyes. “I love you. And I know you didn’t want us to see your memories and I understand that, but in a way, I’m glad I did, no matter how hard it was because I never got to watch you grow up, Nora. And now I’ve seen you as a baby, and at four, at seven, ten, sixteen. Through your twenties. And even though some things were horrible, they all led to you becoming who you are now, and that is someone I am so, so proud of.”

Iris smiles, getting up from her seat and sitting directly beside Nora, hand on her back. “Me too. After everything you’ve been through, you _chose_ to be the version of you that you are now. You did exactly what my dad and Cecile asked you to, and baby, that is the hardest decision anyone makes. Especially, when it’s so easy to just hand yourself over to the universe.”

The corners of Nora’s lips twitch upwards and she’s a little bashful, staring down at the hand that’s covered with her father’s. Barry grabs her head, pulling it down towards him and kissing the top of it. “I promise you, when you go back to the future, _this_ is the version of you that I’m going to remember.”

“But for the record,” Iris adds. “We love every version of you. Past, present and future.”

Nora grins, leaning into her mom and squeezing her dad’s hand, sniffing a little. “You know, for two people who got their twenty-six-year-old daughter dropped on them a couple months ago, you’re pretty good at the whole ‘parent’ thing.”

That sparks a laugh out of all three of them and Barry climbs up to join in on their hug, squeezing his two girls tightly and closing his eyes, trying to remember this exact moment.

What he’s seen of his daughter’s life won’t leave him; he’ll never forget the screams she let out when Jenna died, the utter look of exhaustion at Joe’s funeral and the catatonic acceptance that washed over her at the hospital, but he has to believe that she’ll never grow up that way. That he and Iris _can_ and _will_ change things. That Nora’s life won’t be plagued by death and sacrifice and secrecy, or by loneliness and expectations she can never exceed. He hopes that it will be filled with stories of their past, mother-daughter coffee dates and an engagement that does not fall apart because of lies it will not be built on. And if he’s honest, he hopes more than anything that this time, he’ll be there to see it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from "evermore" by Taylor Swift & Bon Iver
> 
> also: i know what youre thinking. What's the point of having Jenna die? Is it just to add in another heartbreaking death so we think Nora's life is tragic and we feel bad for her?
> 
> no. there's actually a reason. i swear. stay tuned, friends.


	8. you showed me colors you know i can't see with anyone else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cicada takes the cure, and then a new Cicada's in town, one that has a connection to the West-Allen's. Nora's secret is revealed, Barry hates all of this and it's almost time for the final showdown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so i skipped right up to episode 16 because the episodes in between really don't further along the story, even in the show. on the bright side, we're almost done with this story!! 2 more chapters everyone which i'm expecting to be out within the next two weeks. i've really enjoyed writing this story. it's been something i've wanted to do since s5 came out but i never just sat down and did it until now!! thanks for all your support :)

Nora’s feeling… a little smothered.

Which is something she literally never thought she would say considering her mother was the opposite of a helicopter parent and her dad was literally dead, but weirdly, she can’t get far enough away from her parents lately. Ever since they used the memory machine and watched _whatever_ they had to watch of Nora’s childhood (she stands by her previous statement - she doesn’t want to know), they’ve rarely left her side. Typically, she wouldn’t mind the excessive hugs and the lunch dates and the meaningful conversations with her dad, but man! It’s downright obsessive. 

She’s already been here for six months, and she knows her time here is coming to an end fast, though she hasn’t made any moves to destroy Cicada’s dagger, something that must be done _before_ she dies. Their next plan is for her dad to convince Orlin Dwyer to willingly take the cure and once that’s done, Nora will have to find out how to steal the weapon that can destroy Cicada’s dagger on her own, which means she should start working on that now, while her dad’s figuring out what to say the next time Cicada shows up.

She hasn’t slept much; instead opting to stay up all night and map out everything she knows about where Cicada might turn up. She’s in the Cortex with the team, triple-checking all of their angles when her parents walk in, talking about something big happening at Jitters. She’s a little mad at herself for falling for the trick, but she has to admit that having her own drink at Jitters is a nice little accomplishment to know about before she dies. 

“Think of what could be next. An XS action figure, XS Day!” Her dad says excitedly.

“Guys, you are embarrassing me!” Nora grins, taking a sip and literally groaning in delight.

“We’re just excited.” Iris adds, looking to Barry. “I mean, we haven’t even gone a trip together, or made Grandma Esther’s sweet potato pie recipe…”

Barry leans over, pointing to Iris’ phone. “Did you put karaoke on the list like I asked for?”

Nora furrows her eyebrows together, putting down her drink and taking the phone out of her mother’s hands. “Oh my god. This is what these past few weeks have been about? The two of you going through a bucket list?” Nora shakes her head, smiling. “William made a list when he met Mia. I swear they got through, like, two of them and then she quit.”

It’s getting easier to talk about Mia and she likes the look of gratitude her parents give her whenever she opens up about her time. Her dad gets an alert on his phone and Nora chuckles, asking if it’s a fake alert or real one this time. “No, this one’s real. M-20 at CCU’s chemistry department. Want to come along?” He asks.

Nora shrugs. “Why not. Feeling like a superhero today.”

When they get back to Star Labs after their brief run-in with the acid meta, Nora explains the last photo ever taken of her father at his final confrontation with Cicada, as he was trying to kill this acid meta, his last victim.

“Okay, so that means today’s the day.” Caitlin agrees. “This is the day we stop him.”

“Well, not necessarily.” Nora cuts in. “In my timeline, the only reason Cicada stops killing is because Crisis hit. We had two Cicada-less years and the quarantine laws started to slowly reel in as metas started to think he was never coming back. But while the heroes fought Crisis and stopped the full blown anti-matter wave from wiping out the multiverse, Crisis lasted _days_ . People still died, cities were destroyed. Everyone thought that Cicada’d been killed, or buried under rubble, or injured enough that he couldn’t continue his mission. And to this day, I’m sure that was the case because in 2026, someone else took over. The costume was slightly different, they didn’t have the same body type and some people even swore that they saw _blonde_ hair around their face.”

Cisco frowns, arms crossed over himself as he shifts on his feet, understanding what she’s getting at. “So, what you’re really saying is that after today, every move Cicada makes is completely new. Nothing you know from the future will be able to help us.”

Barry nods, taking a deep breath. “Okay. Then, I guess I have to figure out something that’ll convince him to take the cure. Today.”

Cisco’s already moving around the room, brain working fast. “I am going to start working on facial rec for this Acid Master. Yep, that’s the name I’m going with. Always trust your gut, kids.”

“And we’ll figure out a way for you to talk to Cicada without him killing you.” Caitlin chimes in, speaking for Iris, Sherloque and herself. 

Nora claps her hand together, signalling for everyone to get to it. “Okay, let’s get moving.”

She spends a few hours in the Speed Lab, mostly going over the notes she took when she was visiting Thawne and writing out everything she knows about Crisis into a separate notebook, for her future plans right before she dies. They’ll need all the help they can get while fighting if they’re going to save enough lives that both Barry and Oliver don’t have to die during Crisis. That was part of the deal she’d made; extra manpower.

Her mother finds her, making her way into the room with a tinge of a sad look on her face as she asks what Nora’s doing. “Oh, just trying to figure out the best way to go about this.” Nora replies, closing her books and looking up at her. “Why? What’s up with you?”

Iris twists her engagement ring around her finger, smacking her lips together. “Oh, you know. I just, I guess if we do defeat Cicada today, then that means you’ll be going home. It kind of snuck up on me.”

Nora smiles warmly, grabbing for her mother’s hand and squeezing it. “Yeah, we kinda knew it would. Just this morning, we were talking about your list and now it looks like we’re going to have to cut it short.” Iris hums, squeezing back. “Hey, even if we defeat Cicada today, I promise you that we’ll get a real goodbye, nothing left unsaid before I go. Okay?”

Iris sighs in relief, nodding. “Well, Cicada went after Acid Master. Your dad and Frost are there now.”

Barry royally strikes out at trying to convince Dwyer to take the cure and honestly, Nora’s a little surprised. The Flash Museum always made him seem like he was out of a comic; the perfect blend of badass and optimist. Someone who saw the best in people and knew exactly who was worth believing in, not to mention the motivational speeches.

Everyone in the Cortex feels pretty defeated and her father leaves to go to CCPD, hoping a change of scenery would help him, while Nora just asks her mom to go for coffee in the lounge. They’re giggling together when Barry enters, smiling softly at the sight of them.

“Hey.” Iris greets. “Got anything?”

“We have a location. I’m gonna head there any minute.” He nods.

“Does Flash know what he’s going to say this time?” Iris asks.

Barry looks at Nora, that soft, fatherly look in his eyes. “Actually, I think I’m just going to talk to him… father to father.”

Nora’s heart flutters in her chest and she nods, resting her head on her palm. “That’s a really great idea, Dad.”

She sits with her mom in the Cortex, listening to the conversation and for a minute, she’s certain it won’t work. Dwyer’s voice is filled with rage and it’s scary to listen to, especially knowing her father’s right there, and he can take away his powers at any moment. But then, Barry actually gets through to him.

“I’m a father, too. My daughter… I love her more than I ever thought possible. I would do anything to make the world a better place for her. And I think you would, too.”

Nora lets her eyes slip shut and smiles at the words, feeling her mother pull her in for a side hug. It’s weird to think that there was a time in her life that she doubted either of them really loved her. She’s still locked in an embrace with her mother when Barry shows up, having sped Dwyer to the Cortex. Nora thinks they should’ve gotten a warning (secret identity!), but he’s already there and making threats before any of them can really process it. 

When they’re about to start, Cecile can’t handle the fury she feels from Dwyer and Nora takes her to the lounge to distract her and keep her far away from him. Sherloque joins them, clinking three glasses together as a sort of toast to celebrate the end of their Cicada journey. “It appears your sojourn into the past was a success. Congratulations.”

“You, as well. This is your… thirty-eighth Cicada?” Nora adds.

“Oui. Trente-huit.” He responds as Cecile huffs.

She leans back into the sofa, hand resting on Nora’s back. “I, for one, am so ready for this to be over.” Before they can say much else, the power cuts. They look around confused and Nora gets up to speed to the lab, but Cecile stops her. “Someone’s coming.”

The windows of the lounge break open, Cicada leaping through them and using powers to throw both Nora and Cecile back, and then Sherloque. Nora tries to get up and fight, but she becomes frozen in face the second she gets a good look at this Cicada. This is _her_ Cicada. The one that killed Jenna.

She scrambles backwards in fear, convinced she’s sixteen again and the aura of death tenses up her body, her back hitting the pillar as she struggles to catch her breath, Cicada paying her no mind and just walking out of the lounge with two daggers in hand. Nora tries desperately to calm herself down, but she can’t breathe and her hands are shaking and she hears more than sees Cecile get up and kneel in front of her, telling her she’s okay.

Sherloque seems confused but Cecile just jumps into action, cradling Nora in her arms. “I can feel her. It’s just a panic attack. Find everyone else, Sherloque. Make sure they give us space until I can calm her down.” Sherloque steps out of the room carefully, hoping not to alert this new Cicada as Cecile whispers to her granddaughter. “It’s okay, baby. You’re okay.”

It’s a few minutes of Nora choking on her own tears and hyperventilating before she calms down enough to get words out, but all Cecile gets is an apology. “What do you mean? Why are you sorry?”

Nora sniffs, taking a shaky breath. “That Cicada… that’s the one from my time. The one who took over when the first Cicada went missing. This one… I’m sorry, Mama. This one killed Jenna.”

She closes her eyes, not wanting to see the look on Cecile’s face and it’s a few moments of heavy breaths before Cecile’s gripping her tighter, telling her it’s okay. “We gotta go find everyone else. It’s okay. We can explain it later.”

Nora nods frantically, doing a few breathing exercises to steady herself. “Yeah, I’m sorry. I just panicked. I saw Cicada and I knew… and I felt like I was back there.”

Cecile strokes a hand through Nora’s hair lovingly. “I get it, honey. That must’ve been awful. But you’re okay and we’re okay, and Jenna’s at home, totally fine. We’re gonna figure this out.”

Nora nods again, sniffing and seemingly having a handle on her panic as she squeezes Cecile, letting her grandmother lift her up and they walk to the Cortex, Cecile keeping her arm tightly around Nora. When they get there, the team’s standing around the Cortex, which has been completely destroyed and both of her parents have worried looks on their faces, presumably about her. Joe notices them first and Cecile walks over to him quickly, telling him she’s alright, despite the tear streaks down her face.

Before her parents can ask her the same question, Nora speaks. “The Cicada that attacked us tonight is the Cicada from my time.” Barry and Iris share a look. “And I kind of freaked out when I saw her because _this_ Cicada killed Jenna when I was sixteen.”

Joe’s face drops completely, arms still around Cecile who works quickly to comfort everyone - always good in a crisis. “Guys, it doesn’t matter. Nora’s future is entirely different now. If we stop Cicada in this time, Jenna will never die. Besides, _our_ Jenna is at home, perfectly safe.”

Everyone’s silent for a minute, Joe clearly still taking it in. Barry notices and calls out to him. “Joe. There’s not much you can do here. Go home. Be with Jenna.”

He thinks for a second, looking to Cecile and then nods, pointing at Barry and Iris. “You two better call me.”

Iris makes her way over to Nora as they’re leaving, rubbing her arm and pulling her close. Barry looks to Caitlin and Cisco and says, “You guys should go, too. I’ll clean this up. It’ll be faster.”

They both seem to agree, making their way out as well as Iris pulls Nora into a full hug, Barry joining in and resting his head on top of Nora’s, squeezing them tightly as if he can protect them from all of this. They sway a little, Nora still breathing a little heavy and then Barry says he’ll meet them at home, Nora walking out still under her mom’s arm.

\--

When Barry’s finished cleaning up the Cortex and fixing as much as he can, he returns home to find Iris on the couch, mindlessly watching some movie on the TV and Nora nowhere to be found. She notices the look on his face and smiles, mumbling, “She’s asleep. I think tonight really took it out of her.”

He nods in understanding, taking his jacket off and then sitting down next to her on the couch, arm going around the back of it. “Yeah.” He sighs. “I didn’t get a good look at Cicada in the memory we saw but if Nora says that this is the same one that killed Jenna, I believe her.”

“What are we going to do?” Iris asks, leaning against him.

“I don’t know.” He mumbles dejectedly. “But I have this gut feeling that this new Cicada is going to be a lot more complicated than the old one. Plus, knowing what this one did…”

“Now it’s personal.” Iris finishes.

\--

Cicada 2.0 cuts a hole in the wall of Barry’s lab at CCPD, stealing one single file from 2017. Joe and Cecile follow that lead, while the rest of the team really doesn’t have much else to do. Barry’s hoping to get some family-time in with his wife and daughter since they’ll be waiting around anyway, but Nora seems to have a lot on her mind. He’s asked her about it multiple times, though she just gives him frazzled looks and waves her hands like it’s nothing. Iris tells him she’s acting weird too, but there’s nothing either parent can do about it, other than wait for her to come talk to them when she needs to.

From what Joe and Cecile find, the case is about an explosion that happened at an ATM in 2017. They bring Cisco to the site, asking him to vibe what he can and then he tells them the victims were Grace Gibbons’ parents and it all falls into place. Future Cicada is Grace Gibbons.

Cisco is able to see the last PIN used on the ATM and tells them the card belongs to Vickie and John Bolen, so he calls Joe to meet him and Nora at their daughter’s birthday party, where they know both of them will be.

Mrs. Bolen seems nice enough, thinking no one got hurt at the time and that she only ran away from the scene because it looked like she was trying to rob the bank, completely unaware of the nature of her powers. She refuses to leave, though; too afraid of telling her family the truth about her powers, which Barry heartily disagrees with, though it’s not his place. They stick around to keep an eye on the family anyways, just in case Cicada 2.0 shows up.

“How could Vickie _not_ know that she killed two people?” Nora asks.

“There was a time in Central City where not all meta attacks were public knowledge.” Barry clarifies, arms crossed over his chest.

Joe continues for him. “Former Mayor Bellows tried to keep certain things out of the media. He said he didn’t wanna create a panic. Turns out, he had metas on the payroll and didn’t want the heat.” His phone buzzes and he answers it before walking away, declaring it’s Cecile.

Nora sighs, moving to lean against the railing beside her dad. “Seems like the number one thing to do when you have meta powers is lie about it.”

Barry hums. “Yeah. Well, doesn’t mean it’s the right decision. Lying to your family only puts them in more danger.”

Nora shakes her head, lost in thought. “I don’t know, Dad. I’m not sure if I agree with you on that one.”

He’s a little surprised. “Really?”

Nora lets out a little laugh. “I know. Coming from the person who was lied to her whole life, that seems a little… out of character. But I understand it. Vickie Bolen made a heat-of-the-moment decision _years_ ago because she was certain it was right. And maybe that was the wrong choice, but it was still hers. I understand sticking by that, even if it hurts people.”

Barry tilts his head a little, still a little surprised that this is her stance. “You’re so different than you were when we first met. What’s brought this on?”

Nora gets a sad look on her face, nodding a little. “I have this feeling that our time together is almost over. Which means I’ll have to leave soon. Which means it won’t be long before I see Mia again. So, I’ve been thinking about her a lot.” She pauses, trying to think of the right words. “You know, I would like to think that if the roles were reversed, I would’ve made a different choice than she did, but I could never know that for sure. All this time, I’ve been so angry that I think I forgot that _intention_ matters and _circumstances_ matter. It’s easy for me to say I would’ve done things differently because I wasn’t there and I don’t have the same thoughts or experiences Mia has. All of that factors into the choices you make.”

Barry nods in understanding. “I guess that’s true. I mean, there’s choices you’ve made here that I’m sure would’ve been different if you’d never spent the time with me and your mom.”

“Exactly.” Nora smiles, and Barry’s once again grateful for the little, meaningful conversations he gets to have with his kid. There’s no feeling like learning new things about her, getting to _communicate_ with her. “One of the reasons Mia and I bonded so fast and for so long was because we both had a dead father. But it was always _different_ . Mia actually knew Oliver. They had a life together and then he just left. She literally _remembers_ the day he said goodbye.”

Barry remembers their first meeting from Nora’s memories. The first thing they’d talked about was their fathers being gone. In a way, he’s almost grateful that Nora was so young when he died. He can’t imagine her actually remembering him leaving. Nora continues. “To Mia, it’s always been that Oliver made a _choice_ to leave her. I know now that it’s not that simple and that if he’d stayed, she’d probably be dead too. But ever since, she’s been so _scared_ of losing people. It doesn’t excuse what she did to me, but it explains it. At least a little bit.”

“So, you think that Vickie’s choice was wrong, but that we can’t judge her for it?”

Nora nods. “I’m not saying you shouldn’t judge a serial killer, but I think we’ll never know all the factors that go into someone making a decision and so, the best way to look at it, is to judge by the intention.”

He grins, eyes all soft but then she’s doubling over in pain, eyes turning black. He puts his hand on her back, asking if she’s okay and then it’s over just as quick as it came. “Grace is coming. I must’ve connected to her mind.”

Joe helps Barry get all the kids out of the building just as Cicada II shows up, knocking both Nora and Vickie off their feet. “Grace, stop.” He says. “It was an accident.”

Grace’s eyes are trained on Nora, who rises to her feet. “Well, it seems I’m not the only one in the wrong time.” Grace smiles menacingly. “If I’d known you were a meta, I would’ve killed you along with your cousin.”

“If I were a meta back then, you and Jenna would’ve traded places.” Nora threatens, which only seems to excite Cicada II, as she throws them back into a wall, Vickie making moves to stun Grace, though her daughter is affected by the blast. When their speed is back, they take the Bolens to the hospital before Grace can get herself up. Cecile and Joe meet them there, checking in on the younger Grace and they exhaust all their options; destroying the time sphere, waking Grace up, giving her the cure. Vickie and her husband are clearly dealing with the fallout of her lie, so Barry keeps Nora with him, not wanting her too close since the situation is strangely close to the one she’s tried so hard to get herself away from.

They spend a few hours at the hospital, watching over the Bolen family until Nora gets another pain in her head, indicating that future Grace is on her way. Barry makes it to Alice’s room just in time to save Vickie from the dagger and then tells Nora to take her and run, Cecile taking Alice as Barry walks out to talk to Cicada II. He can see in her eyes that she’s too far gone, obvious years of murder being too much to come back from, even though she realizes her parent’s death was an accident.

Dwyer shows up, certain he can convince Grace to let this go, while Barry’s trapped on the ground. For a second, he thinks Dwyer succeeded, until the dagger’s in his back and his last words to Barry are “Save my Gracie.”

Back in the Cortex, Caitlin’s returned from the Tannhauser offsite, and she explains that the wound in Grace’s head might just be what makes her much more powerful than Dwyer ever was. She also tells them that because of the time Nora spent in Grace’s brain, they seem to be psychically connected, hence the pain Nora got when she felt that Grace was near. Ralph suggests drinks and then most of them are walking out, except for Nora. “Honey, are you coming?” Iris asks.

Nora shakes her head, wringing her hands together. “No, you guys go. I have some stuff to take care of.”

Iris blinks, confused. “What stuff?”

Sherloque turns around, smiling. “Stuff that I assume relates to your secret, no?”

Nora’s face goes cold and she crosses her arms. “What secret?”

Sherloque walks closer to her, tossing his watch over in his hand as he explains. “I _am_ a detective, Miss West-Allen. I have suspected you since I arrived. I was gathering all the variables, but there is still one that I haven’t been able to unlock. What are you really doing here?”

“She’s here to see me.” Barry says, defensively.

“But she didn’t have to punch the satellite to do that.” Sherloque responds. “Someone told her to do it. Someone like… Eobard Thawne.”

The wind’s completely knocked out of him. His eyes are getting glossy before he even realizes it and he hears most of the team take in a breath. _This can’t be true_. Though, his daughter makes no moves to refute Sherloque’s claims. Cecile gasps a little and breathes out, “Oh my god. It’s true.”

“You’re working with Thawne?” Barry whispers a little brokenly.

Nora jumps into defending herself immediately. “No, not anymore. Once I found out what he did, I threatened to kill him and then I never went back. I promise. We’re not working together, I can’t stand the guy.”

“Then why _were_ you working with him?” Barry, having known Cisco for years, can hear the slight anger in his voice as he asks the question.

Nora looks down at the ground, unsure of what to say but Iris speaks for her, whispering. “Because you trusted him. Because he was the only one that told you the truth.” Everyone but Barry looks at her, confused as to why she would know that and she then explains. “When Barry and I went into Nora’s memories, we saw a few with Thawne in them. After Barry died, he started showing up in Nora’s life when she was really young. He acted like an imaginary friend she thought she never grew out of. He was the one who told her about what I did, and who Barry was, and that everyone was lying to her.”

Joe’s eyes darken with that protective, fatherly look Barry’s seen a million times. “You found out from _Thawne_?”

Nora looks up, nodding sadly. “I didn’t want to believe him, but Mia didn’t deny it when I asked.”

“I think we should go back to Cisco’s question.” Sherloque interrupts. “You told us that the Monitor sent you here to get to know your father. Why would you need Thawne if that was really the case?”

Barry’s eyes narrow, still glassy but before anyone can ask any other questions, Ralph jumps in. “I think I know. Look, I’ve been thinking about this Cicada II thing and it doesn’t make any sense. In Nora’s timeline, Cicada was supposed to be David Hersch but Nora, you don’t remember it that way, do you?”

Nora shakes her head and Ralph continues. “Because when she punched the satellite, she changed the trajectory of the dagger shard to go into Orlin Dwyer, therefore creating him as Cicada and Grace Gibbons as Cicada II. But, Nora remembers Grace as the Cicada that killed Jenna which shouldn’t be possible because until Nora came to the past, Grace was never going to be Cicada. Which means, time is looping in on itself.”

  
“Wait a minute.” Caitlin interjects. “If that’s true, then Nora now exists _outside_ of time… which means she can never go back.”

“Or that she dies here. I’d bet on option two.” Sherloque adds, as all the strength Barry’d been using to keep himself up collapses, and he positions himself to lean against the table, hand coming up to cover his mouth. 

Iris seems to process faster than he does, which really shouldn’t be a surprise. “How do we stop that? There’s gotta be a way, right?”

Caitlin gives her a sad look, at a loss for words as she also steps back into the room, sitting down on the chair, Cisco joining her. Sherloque shakes his head. “I don’t think she wants you to stop it. _This_ is the missing variable. She came here to die.”

The tears finally fall down Barry’s cheeks and he shakes his head back and forth. “No. No.” He croaks out, though tries to keep his voice as demanding as possible. “Nora, what is this?”

She smacks her lips together and takes a breath, standing tall, ready to explain. “If I knew that punching the satellite would’ve created a different Cicada or killed all of these people, I never would’ve done it. All of the trust I had in Eobard disappeared. I was told that it would be _my_ sacrifice, not anyone else’s. But I couldn’t change it, so instead I made him tell me everything he knew so that I could do the mission without him.”

“But what _is_ the mission? It made sense before… the Monitor sending you here to get to know your dad…” Joe trails off, shaking his head, unsure of Nora’s motive as the wheels turn in his own head.

“The Monitor _did_ offer William, Mia and I the chance to come back here and get to know our parents without changing any of the past. But I asked him if instead, it was possible to change the outcome of Crisis, and he said yes, but he knew that it would require my death and since he’s sworn to protect me, he couldn’t help me. Only Thawne could.”

Barry shakes his head again, letting out an exasperated breath as every possible mistake comes to mind. “You can’t just change the past, Nora. Have we not taught you anything? You could create another Flashpoint, you could ruin lives!”

Nora scoffs, clearly a little insulted at what he’s insinuating. “There’s a lot more to this plan than me just wandering through the past and saving you. That’s why I couldn’t do it alone!” She pauses, crossing her arms. “I didn’t just go to the exact moment and take you away from the danger. I made a trade. A life for a life, that’s what it took. The only timeline changes will be directly related to you and Oliver being alive. There’ll be no random, unpredictable changes.”

“This is ridiculous!” Barry says, angrily. “It’s not happening. There’s no way I’m letting you die for me!”

“You died for me!” Nora snaps at him, but he’s unmoving in his decision. “You and Oliver _saved the world_. But the world’s better with the two of you in it. Everyone can agree on that. I just… gave us a better option.”

Cisco shakes his head and interjects before Barry can argue further. “Wait, you said _a life for a life_. How does that include Oliver? That’s three lives.”

“Because I’m dying for Oliver and Barry Allen from Earth-90 is dying for dad.”

Iris sighs. “Honey, you can’t offer up people’s lives…”  
  


“I’m not!” Nora defends, scoffing as she’s getting a little frustrated with their lack of faith in her. “Guys, I have this figured out completely. The only reason Earth-90 Barry _didn’t_ die in Crisis was because he was already dead.”

Cecile frowns, pointing at her. “So, you’re saving Earth-90 Barry’s life just to kill him again?”

Nora sighs, realizing this conversation is going to take a while with the amount of questions that are being thrown at her and she flips a chair around, plopping down on it. “I’m not killing him, I’m just moving Crisis up to the day before he died. This year, 2019. The Monitor already talked to him about it and he said yes. _And_ I already made my deal. It’s irreversible. So, take whatever time you need to process this, but it’s pointless to try and change it. No one can.”

Barry can’t accept that.

Ralph shakes his head. “There’s still one thing I don’t get. All any of you have ever said about Thawne is that he doesn’t help anyone but himself. Why would he want to save Barry?”

“He doesn’t. It just so happens that the thing that moves Crisis up can also get him out of prison.” Nora clarifies, leaning back in her chair. “When you captured Thawne, you had the bright idea to use Cicada’s dagger that you kept in storage to negate his powers, keeping him locked in prison.”

Ralph interrupts again, detective brain working double time. “Okay, but Cicada II is here now, with the dagger. Even if we destroy it, Grace just killed Dwyer, so what happens to everyone the two of them killed in your timeline?”

Nora smiles, surprised but also impressed that Ralph’s figured this out. “Destroying the dagger resets the timeline. Cicada II will disappear in the timeline changes and the Grace from this time will grow up differently. Thawne will be released from prison and I’m certain that he’ll run into the negative speedforce to avoid timeline changes. Because we’re speedsters, we have three minutes before we get erased. When that’s up, I’ll disappear too, and it’ll be over. Crisis will be moved, and Oliver and Dad won’t die.”

“If the timeline is what changes, then won’t you just be born again and grow up with different experiences?” Joe asks, arm around Cecile, the two of them looking hopeful.

Nora tries to give a reassuring smile, though Barry can tell bad news is coming. “There’s a chance. But since I now exist outside of time, there’s also a chance that I never exist again.” She looks at him and Iris now. “You can still have kids, they just might not be me.”

“That’s not good enough!” He snaps. He’s angry; angrier than he’s ever been and there’s one single person he knows is responsible for this - someone who got into her head and manipulated her into thinking this was worth it. “You never should have come here.”

He’s out in a Flash and after some running, he ends up in 2048, outside a prison cell.

Thawne stands with his back to him, and Barry hears him take a breath as soon as he arrives, knowing exactly who it is. “So she finally came clean. Or did you figure it out all by yourself?” He turns, and Barry’s eyes are filled with rage, wanting to smack the shit out of him.

“One wasn’t enough? You had to try to take my daughter from me, too?” He steps forward, banging the glass as he shouts, “My daughter!”

Thawne rolls his eyes, only making Barry angrier. “I knew you’d react like this. Always so emotional, which is why I had her keep this from you. You can’t blame the little runner, Barry. She just wanted to save her dad. And considering you know this much, it seems she’s already done it.”

Barry shakes his head, tears threatening to fall. “What is it with you? You showed up throughout her childhood. Why?”

“At first, I went there to kill her.” Barry’s practically snarling, ready to punch through the glass. “But then I saw her. She was… so _light_ for someone who’d lost so much. I was drawn to her. And then as she grew up, there became this… darkness. I saw myself in her.”

“She’s nothing like you!” Barry spits.

“Everybody’s a little bit like me. You, your wife, your friends. Everybody’s got a suffocating darkness. I just got tired of fighting it. And I knew that one day, Nora would too.” He pauses, leaning closer, his side resting on the glass. “Changing the timeline releases me from this hell, that’s true. But that’s not all that’s in it for me. In many ways, Nora’s shown me what it’s like to have a daughter.”

“She’s not your daughter. She’s mine.”

Thawne smiles, walking back from the glass wall and pacing a little, though not nervously, more like he’s certain he has the upper hand. “And yet, you’re angry at her for saving your life. How selfish is that?”

Barry starts yelling now, a single tear falling. “I’m her father! I’m supposed to protect her! Not watch her die!”

“But you didn’t protect her!” Thawne screams. “Not from the horrid life she lived. Not from endless fights with her mother, not from Jenna dying, not from Lia dying, because you. Weren’t. There. I was! When she got low, when she started drinking, I was there! _I_ made sure she got out of it, _I_ pushed her in the right direction. I made sure she didn’t sleep in an _alleyway_ all those times she was wasted!”

Barry shakes his head, watching as Thawne practically throws a tantrum in his cell. He keeps his voice low as he makes his last words. “When you get out of here, I’m not going to lock you up.” Barry says. “I’m going to kill you.”

\--

He runs for a while longer after he leaves, still too furious to do anything else, though when he returns to Star Labs, everyone’s pretty much cleared out, Caitlin telling him that Cisco went to talk to Breacher, Cecile’s relieving the nanny, and Joe’s with Iris. “What about Nora?” He asks.

“She said she had some things to do. I’m assuming it’s to do with her Crisis plan.” Ralph clarifies, leaning against the table.

“How are you doing?” Caitlin asks and he just shakes his head, taking a deep breath.

“I went to see him.”

He feels Caitlin sigh in sympathy. “Don’t tell me he got in your head.”

Barry presses his lips together weakly. “He’s always in my head.” He pauses. “He said that it’s already done. That now, no matter what, Nora will die and I won’t.”

“This is true.” Sherloque replies. “Whatever way we defeat Cicada II, the dagger will always be destroyed and the timeline will always change. And I don’t assume we will just let this Cicada continue to kill in order to prolong Nora’s time here.”

Caitlin walks over to Barry, placing a hand on his shoulder. “You should go find Joe and Iris. I think you need them right now. We’ll keep you updated with things here.”

Barry nods, placing a hand over hers briefly and then leaves the Cortex, finding only Joe by the pipeline. “Where’s Iris?”

He smiles, patting the spot beside him on the side. “Taking a call. Come here.” Barry relents, sitting down next to him and staring ahead as Joe’s arm goes around his shoulder. “How are you?”

Barry lets his eyes slip shut, trying to hold himself together, though it doesn’t last, the tears coming again as he chokes out, “I’m gonna have to bury my kid.”

Joe pulls him closer, hugging him tight and mumbling quiet words.

That’s how Iris finds them when she returns, eyes a little black with smudged mascara. Joe pulls away, planting a kiss on Barry’s head, whispering, “You call me anytime.” and then gets up to hug Iris, kissing her cheek. “Where’s Nora? I’m going to tell her I’m off.”

Iris waves a hand. “Uh, I think she said she was going to the Speed Lab.” Joe nods and then he’s gone, Iris taking his place beside Barry, who’s calmed himself down considerably. “Nora told me that Oliver found out back when you two switched bodies and she asked him to keep it a secret. I just tried to call him, but it says his number’s out of service. Felicity’s, too.”

Barry just hums, not giving much of a response and Iris just sighs, shaking her head. “It’s fine. It’s not the most pressing thing, I know.”

He shakes his head. “I’m sorry. I’m just…”

“I know.” She says quietly. “Me too.”

After a moment, he speaks again. “How did I not know? I’ve spent months with her and she’s every bit like the two of us. This plan to save my life? That’s all me. I did that with my mom. Although, my plan was terrible and clearly not as well thought out as hers is.”

“We couldn’t have known. Even Sherloque didn’t know everything until now.” Iris reassures him, pausing for a moment. “I know we’re both not happy about this, but as heartbroken as I am… I also feel _proud_.”

Barry sniffs, nodding. “She’s smart. I went to see Thawne. He said it’s gonna work. And I know he’s a liar but he’s not lying about this.”

“What else did he say?” Iris asks, knowing there’s something else on her husband’s mind.

Barry shakes his head, wiping a tear away. “That there’s darkness in her. Darkness that’s there because of me, because I _wasn’t_ there.”

Iris nods. “Do you believe him?”

He takes a sharp breath in. “I know he’s right. We both do. We saw it in her memories. He was there for her, for her entire life, and I wasn’t.”

“That’s not your fault.”  
  


“Doesn’t make it any less true.” Iris nods at the statement, pressing a kiss to his temple. “I’m so angry. At him and at her and at me. And I can’t do anything about this.”

Iris blinks away her own tears, rubbing a hand over his back. “Look, I understand why you’re so upset and it makes sense that you’d be angry, but I don't think we have a lot of time left.” She says, her voice breaking. “So, just don’t waste too much time being angry at her, and instead, try to be her dad for as long as you can, okay?”

He doesn’t say anything to that.

\--

Joe comes to get them not long after, explaining that he got a call from CCPD. Nora doesn’t come with them to the crime scene and Barry’s actually grateful for that. Iris’ advice is good, but it’s advice he can’t bring himself to take. How can he bear to look at her when he knows she’s about to die for him? He’s short with everyone as things go on, even when they get a call from Caitlin’s mom saying that her dad - or his frosty alter-ego - broke into Tannhauser and stole a prototype Cryo-Atomizer. Joe tells him that Iris is having a movie night with Nora and Cecile at the house, asking if he’ll join after the Icicle situation’s over.

“I don’t think so.”

Joe sees right through him. “Are you avoiding her?”  
  


“I wouldn’t say that.” Barry says, though Joe raises his eyebrows for him to continue. “I can’t sit there and pretend like this is okay. It’s not okay. And I’m not going to wait around for her to die, either.”

Joe shakes his head, shrugging. “I’m not gonna force you, Bear. But I’m joining them. I want to spend as much time with my granddaughter as I can.”

“Why does everyone keep saying that?” Barry asks, frustrated. “It’s not like she’s been diagnosed with some terminal illness. She’s _choosing_ to do this.”

“But it’s a choice she can’t take back.” Joe says firmly, frowning at him as he speaks with his ‘i’m your father and you better listen’ tone. “Like it or not, we’re on a timer here. And if you’re still acting like this when that timer’s up, you’re gonna have regrets.”

Joe’s look says he’s ended the conversation and then all Barry’s left with is the knowledge that his father’s right but that he still can’t bring himself to listen. As the hours pass, Icicle shows up again, this time taking Caitlin and Carla and leaving Barry nearly dead due to hypothermia. He wants to go after them, but Sherloque and Joe stop him - instead, taking him back to Star Labs and trying to track the nano-cryo-particles from the Cryo-Atomizer, though they have no luck. He eventually relents and calls Iris, even though he knows she’ll bring Nora.

“It occurs to me that hiding a needle in a haystack is good. But hiding a needle in a stack of needles… that’s better.” Sherloque says, implying that Icicle is masking his cryo-signature by hiding somewhere that’s already cold. He’s already sped to the sight of the cold spike when Iris and Nora arrive in the Cortex.

Carla is trapped in some sort of chamber, presumably to give her an ice-persona and Barry keeps half his molecules in phase in order to save her, whilst Frost chases after Icicle. She comes back soon enough, with Icicle being turned back into Thomas and all is well, until Cicada II shows up and accidentally kills Thomas, when she was really aiming for Cait. She steals the cryo-atomizer and then she’s gone.

His heart drops into his stomach as he watches Caitlin and Carla lean over Thomas, who says the heartbroken goodbyes of a father, and Barry can’t help but think about how he had to do that once, in a future that’s now been erased. “Family doesn’t leave family.”

He abandoned Nora. In the future, when he left to fight Crisis and now, when he refused to spend time with her once learning of her death. He’s angry, and sad, and in more pain than he could’ve ever imagined, but she’s still here. She’s still his daughter and no matter what he feels, it’s his job to put that aside and be her father, even if it breaks his heart.

When he gets back to Star Labs, Nora’s not there. The group discuss Cicada II’s motives for a little bit until Iris tells him his daughter’s in the lounge, making tea and then he speeds off, saying goodbye to Joe who’s going home to Cecile and Jenna.

She’s sitting at the bar when he gets there, stirring her drink and he clears his throat. “Hi.”

She looks at him, raising an eyebrow before returning to her drink. “You’re talking to me now?”

He sighs, a little ashamed and makes his way inside to sit beside her. “I’m sorry.” He starts, but she speaks before he can continue.

“I’m not offended, Dad. I’m worried. I knew you’d be angry, but not this angry.”

He nods, interlocking his fingers. “I know. I don’t agree with any of this. Believe me, if there was anything I could do to keep you alive, I’d be doing it.”

“You know, out of the two of us, I think I’m the one that has it easier.” She admits, taking a sip. “I don’t have to deal with the fallout of any of this because in a way, I’m not really here.”

He looks at her then, taking a pause before he asks, “Do you know how long you have left?”

She nods slowly. “I have an estimate. As of today, I actually have a way to destroy the dagger. After we do that…”

“Yeah.” He huffs.

They’re silent for a second, until Nora speaks sincerely. “I _am_ sorry you have to go through this. I’m not doing it to hurt you or Mom.”

He nods, sniffing. “I’m sorry I gave you no other choice.”

“Dad…” She says adorably, putting her mug down and leaning over to hug him tightly. He blinks, tears running down his cheeks and he buries his face in her neck. “I’ll never leave you. Even when I’m gone.” She whispers and he lets out a few cries, not letting go.

When he’s got himself together, Nora lead him into the Cortex and explains to those that are still there - and Cisco, who’s just returned from Earth-19 - that as of today, the prototype weapon needed to destroy Cicada’s dagger has been finished, pushing the final part of Nora’s plan into motion. “Okay, so… G. Simone & Associates is a security company. They mostly do like, casinos and stuff but I know for a fact that they’ve recently started doing off-the-books security for McCulloch Technologies.”

“The weapons manufacturer? What does that have to do with the dagger?” Cisco asks, arms crossed.

“I’m getting to that.” Nora says sassily, earning her a look from Cisco. “The city contracted McCulloch to clean up the shrapnel from the Star Labs satellite.”

Ralph scoffs. “Let me guess: none of that ended up in the dump.”

“Nope.” Nora says, popping the p. “Instead, they used the solar reflector panels from the satellite to build a mirror gun capable of destroying any object down to its atoms and it’s the _only_ thing that can destroy Cicada’s dagger.”

“Well, damn. It’s that easy?” Cisco asks.

“Not quite.” She replies, pointing at him. “McCulloch’s been known to use meta-dampeners to stop anyone from stealing their product, plus the site they’re using to house the weapons made from the satellite is completely off-the-books. I mentioned G.Simone & Associates because they are the only place we can get a copy of the blueprints of the site to figure out how we’re gonna break in and steal that weapon.”

Iris sighs. “So, in order to retrieve this gun, we have to break the law.”

Nora nods, eyes wide. “I technically don’t exist yet, so if you’re more comfortable, I can do it.”

Barry shakes his head, placing a hand on her shoulder. “No, this is worth it. Plus, if we can get these weapons off of McCulloch before they can sell them, that’ll be a win-win.”

“While it’s a great plan, I don’t think we’re going to get it done tonight.” Cisco says, the rest of the group silently agreeing. “Plus, I’m almost done setting up the new satellite system, so tomorrow?”

Barry pulls Nora closer as everyone starts to file out, kissing her head. She looks up at him, raising her eyebrows as if to ask if something else is wrong and he just hums, whispering, “I love you. I’m going to say it everyday until you’re gone.”

Nora nods in understanding, leaning her head against him for a second. “I love you, too.” She pauses, looking at Iris, who makes her way towards them, joining in on the hug. “You too, Mom.”

She’s squished in between her two parents, and it’s the first time she’s finally felt at peace with her death; no longer scared or nervous or even curious. Just ready.

\--

Nora gets up before both of her parents the next morning, running her way to Iron Heights and waiting outside the gates, until Joss walks out, a little surprised to see her. “You’re actually here.”

Nora grins, arms crossed over her chest. “I said I would be.”

Joss chuckles, breathing in. “You know, that mask doesn’t really do much for you. You were better off just doing that… _blurry_ thing.”

Nora snorts, tilting her head as she motions for Joss to walk with her. “It’s called phasing. It’s when my molecules vibrate so fast that I can pass through solid objects.”

“You can do that?” Joss asks, voice all high-pitched, sparking a laugh out of Nora.

Nora stops walking, looking around to make sure they’re far enough away from Iron Heights that no one will see them. “Wanna go for a run?”

She doesn’t give Joss much time to answer before she’s flashed them to the old studio apartment on Sherwood. The grin on Joss’ face tells her that she enjoyed it and Nora spins around happily, motioning to the apartment. “So, I happen to know that this apartment won’t be occupied for at least another few years, which means you should be okay to crash here until you’re on your feet, as long as you’re sneaky about it. And my Mom used to work at Jitters, so I had her put in a good word for you. You have an interview on Thursday. There’s enough in the fridge to tide you over for a few weeks but after that, it’s on you.”

Joss looks around in wonder, dropping the plastic bag with her things they kept at the prison onto the counter. “You did this for me?”

“Like I said, I’m in your corner. You served your time, Joss. Now, you deserve a chance to live a great life. I’m just helping you get started.” Nora replies simply, cracking her knuckles and pausing before she speaks again. “Here’s the thing, though. I’m not gonna be around for much longer. Even though my dad’s here, I’m not actually from here and so in a few weeks, I’ll be gone. But if you ever need anything, just get my dad’s attention. He’ll help you. But also, I told him you were worth it, so please don’t prove me wrong. That’d be _so_ embarrassing.”

Joss frowns, leaning against the wall. “I won’t, but are you ever coming back?”

Nora shakes her head sadly. “It’s complicated. I wish I could keep in touch, but… anyways, you’ll know when I’m gone.”

Joss nods slowly, thinking about what to say next. “Well, before you go and I never see you again, do you want to stay for breakfast?”

Nora grins. “I was hoping you’d ask.”

\--

When she gets to Star Labs, her parents both give her a weird look - probably wondering where she’s been - but she waves her hands, motioning for Cisco to get started. “Okay, people! We’ve got Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha all up and running. I’m _clearly_ the Samantha of this group, right?”

“Yeah, okay. _Miranda_ .” Iris chimes in, earning her an offended look from Cisco.

“Anywho, the quickest and simplest way of retrieving the blueprints we need is for one of our two speedsters to fry the G. Simone & Associates database from the inside out by using a lightning bolt. _But_ since we’re all cursed with a moral compass, I’m assuming we don’t wanna do that.”

Barry frowns, letting out a sigh. “Is there _any_ way to get those plans without leaving a trace?”

Cisco lets out a groan. “Ugh, probably.” He says, walking over to the computer and spending a few minutes there before he literally says, “Bing! Got ‘em.”

“ _Quickest_ and _easiest_ , huh?” Caitlin teases and Cisco scoffs, taking a sip of his blue slushie.

“Uh, excuse me if I’m a little tired of my hacking skills being taken advantage of all the damn time. Why don’t you guys try and pick up the slack every once in a while? Take a college course or something.”

Sherloque chimes in then, face twisted in confusion. “Forgive me, Monsieur, but were you not missing for all of yesterday?”

“I was trying to find our meta-villain serial killer! At least I was being _productive_.” Cisco snaps back until Barry raises both hands, signalling for them to stop.

“Guys! Can we see these plans, Cisco?”

He pulls up the full blueprints and they figure out exactly where the weapons are held, in a sector called ‘The Forge’. “Cecile called me this morning. McCulloch’s having an expo tonight. If we pose as potential buyers, that can get us on the property, but I don’t know how we’ll get the weapons and get out with them without you guys using your powers.” Iris says.

“Yeah, and these dampeners make the ones at ARGUS look like bug zappers. I don’t think I can hack them and it would draw too much attention to destroy them.” Cisco adds, bouncing his leg and slurping his drink loudly.

“Maybe it’s not the dampeners we should be focusing on.” Ralph chimes in, hopping up on the table. “I mean, they’d screw with our powers but they wouldn’t work on meta-tech right?”

Caitlin snaps her fingers, pointing at him with a smile on her face. “Oh! We could use Spencer Young’s phone to hypnotize everyone there into just letting us walk out!”

Cisco nods enthusiastically. “That’ll work.”

Nora leans over, stealing his slushie and taking a sip before asking, “What about our identities? I mean, mine doesn’t really matter, but…”

“Actually, I have something for that in the Starchives.” Barry says. “So, me, you, Iris, Joe?”

Iris nods, “I’m sure my dad will be down.”

Caitlin claps her hands together. “Settled! Ralph and I are gonna follow a lead on Cicada II at one of the Tannhauser sites. Sherloque, you coming?”

“ _Sherloque!_ ” He corrects. “Oui, I’m sure I’ll be of better use there.”

The group disperse and Iris links arms with her daughter as they walk out of the Cortex, Barry sticking back to talk with Cisco about something. “Where were you this morning?”

“I was with Joss, actually. She got released this morning.” She sighs happily, taking a pause. “I wanted to ask you, um… if you could look out for her when I’m gone? I don’t really want to abandon her, but I believe that with help, she’ll stay on this path.”

“Of course I will, honey.” Iris smiles, rubbing a hand over her arm.

When the time comes for the expo, Barry hands them each a pen he got from H.R back in the day that masks their appearances and they all stride into McCulloch like wealthy businessmen, the phone tucked safely in Barry’s pocket. When they near the Forge, he takes it out, flashing the black and white screen at the tourist group and their leader, who all freeze in place. He leaves the phone with Iris and Joe as he and Nora run in, looking over all the tables as they try and find the Mirror Gun. 

The rest of the plan goes quite easily, Cisco wiping the security footage and the group continuing with their tour, while the four of them speed out, arriving back at Star Labs. Barry hands it to Cisco, who inspects it and then declares that if anything’s going to destroy the dagger, it’s this. 

“That may be easier said than done.” Ralph says, walking in with Sherloque and Cait behind him.

“We figured out what Cicada took from my dad’s lab.” Caitlin explains. “It’s your cure prototypes.”

Cisco shakes his head, eyes widening in fear. “Those aren’t just prototypes. They’re failed, broken versions of the cure. If a meta-human takes that without the proper treatment…”

“They would die.” Sherloque finishes. “Cicada’s going to weaponize the cure.

“Cicada’s going to kill every meta-human in the city.” Barry says darkly.

Nora takes a deep breath, speaking clearly and in as much of an authoritative tone as she can muster. “This is it. This is our final shot. We find Cicada, we destroy the dagger, and we destroy her. _Before_ she kills anyone else.” Everyone seems to understand, nodding along, her father taking a breath, looking as if he’s trying to ready himself even now. Nora nods curtly, wringing her hands together as she turns to walk out of the Cortex. “I’ll be back.”

Iris stops her, confused. “Wait, where are you going?”

Nora spins around, stammering. “Don’t worry about it. Uh, there’s just some last minute stuff I have to take care of. You guys focus on finding Cicada II. I’ll be back in time, I promise.” She reassures, and then she’s gone.

It’s time to say her goodbyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from 'Illicit Affairs' by Taylor Swift.
> 
> next chapter: nora gets her ducks in a row and says her goodbyes!
> 
> leave a comment if you liked it!!
> 
> also PLEASE give me a guess on how you think this will all go down, i'd love to read your thoughts!


	9. every scrap of you would be taken from me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nora says her final goodbyes. to everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's a little short, but don't worry.
> 
> the story's not over yet!
> 
> plus this is 4000 words of like. pure sadness. sorry.
> 
> i imagined She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5 playing whilst Nora's assembling the box, but you don't have to listen to it :)

“Novu!” She calls out when she’s back at her parents’ loft, looking around for him to show up. He doesn’t, but the front door creaks open by itself and when she opens it wider, she’s in his plane of existence, the world around her dark and starry as she stands on the platform. “I’m pretty sure the end is coming. Did it work?”

“There is no way of telling until the moment Crisis ends, but it seems you have done everything right, Nora West-Allen.”

Nora nods, sighing in relief. “Okay, what’s next?”

“You offered me manpower.”

Nora frowns, confused. “Yeah. Well, what time did you send Mia and Will to?”

“October 2019.”

“Okay, so they’ll fight. I know they will. What about Connor? Zoe? Jonathan?” 

Novu steps forward, hands interlaced. “I sent Connor Hawke with your friends to the past. Zoe Ramirez died the second I arrived on their plane. I have not yet sent for Jonathan.”

Zoe’s _dead_? “What? No, we need Zoe! Can’t I just run back in time and grab her?”

“No, you cannot. She needs to be present at the moment I send William and Mia back. However, I can return to the direct moment after, save Zoe and then you can ask her to fight.”

It’s not ideal. Time’s already looped so if Nora goes back to a point in time after she’d already left for the past, no one will remember her, unless they were a speedster or a Legend, but they need to pull out all the stops if they’re going to ensure they beat the Crisis with the least amount of casualties possible. “Okay. I’ll get Zoe, you get Jonathan. You’ll also need to go see my parents and Oliver a few months before Crisis. Warn them, let them know they need to train and give their teams the choice to fight or not. I’d bet money that they’ll all say yes. Is that enough?”

Novu pauses for a minute, surely calculating it in his head and then nods once. “Yes, it appears so. Nice work, Nora West-Allen.”

She shrugs. “Nothing to it.”

In seconds, Zoe’s lying on the platform, a wound in her chest slowly closing up, though it still leaves her shirt stained with blood. When she wakes, she takes a second to analyze her surroundings and then she’s standing up in a fighting stance. Nora puts her hands out to calm her. “Zoe, it’s okay. My name is Nora, I’m the Flash’s kid.”

Zoe looks around, eyes landing on Mar Novu and she whispers, “You’re the Monitor.” before instantly getting annoyed. “Hey! Aren’t you supposed to _protect_ Mia? She just almost _died_ and…oh no.” She says, looking down at where her stab wound should be and panicking.

“Mia and William have been taken to the past to prepare to fight the Crisis. I’m here to ask you if you will stand with them.” Nora says, already knowing she’ll say yes if Mia and Will are there. “If you do, both my father and Oliver Queen will survive.”

“And so will I?” Zoe asks skeptically. She smiles when Nora nods. “Alright.”

Easy enough. Nora drops her outside of the bunker a few weeks before Crisis, on November 26th and then flashes away, ending up on Earth-38 in 2048 with Jonathan Lane-Kent, Mar Novu waiting there for her. “Did he agree?” Nora asks.

“Quite quickly, in fact. As much as we need them, the self-righteousness of heroes is rather annoying.” Novu replies.

Nora frowns, sending him a look. “Will you be nice? This entire thing is your fault, you know. You can’t ask us to stop a Crisis you created and then be a dick about it.”

She doesn’t get any response, so she just looks to the super-son. “Alright, Johnny. You’re up.”

\--

After her goodbyes with Mia, Will and Connor, as well as giving them the book that she’d written everything she knew about Crisis in, there’s one last thing she has to do. Well, she doesn’t _have to_ , but she’ll be damned if her parents watch her die and then that’s the last memory they have of her until she’s maybe reborn in 2022 (or not). She goes back to 2048, seconds after she left to go to the past. There’s probably a time remnant of her with Thawne right now actually, and the thought makes her blood boil. She can’t use her speed - she doesn’t want him to feel it now that they’ve been connected - so she has to walk from Star Labs to her apartment to get Lia’s car.

She goes up to their old apartment and frowns at the sight of police tape on their door, probably because Lia’s still dead but no one else lives there, because time has looped and Nora doesn’t exist. Luckily, there aren’t any police in there at the moment and though Nora has ceased to exist, time hasn’t caught up with itself fast enough to erase all of her things. She thinks Novu might have something to do with that but even if he did, he’ll never admit it. She grabs an old box from their front closet and rummages around the apartment, placing in photos and her diploma while she prints out the photos from her phone that she wants to add. She throws in a drawing she’d made in third grade of her, her mom and her dad, though he looked nothing like what he actually looks like. There’s a postcard she adds in there, too. It was from Jenna when she’d taken her year to travel during college. _This is what I’ve been waiting for, Nora_ , it reads. _This feeling of freedom. Running is sort of a trend in our family. I’ve been doing it my whole life. Now, I’m finally standing still and it feels like I’ve found peace. I hope that one day you experience this, too. It’s my greatest wish for you, my little niece._

When she’s done, the photos printed and placed strategically inside the box, she looks around at the home she’d shared with her best friend for four years. They wouldn’t have lived here forever, she knows. She would’ve moved in with Mia when they got married. Lia would’ve found someone who made her head spin and could keep up with her science quips and Nora would’ve loved them just as much as she did. Lia would’ve come around for holidays and probably embarrassed Nora at the Allen-Queen wedding, but Nora would’ve returned the favour eventually. Lia would’ve died first (because speed, duh!), hopefully of old age, but there wouldn’t have been any regrets and William would’ve given a eulogy that would be the perfect mix of heartfelt and funny.

Even if Nora is reborn, the chances of her meeting and becoming best friends with Lia in this new timeline are slim. This is goodbye, for the second time. “Bye, Lia.” She whispers, taking one last look from the doorway and then disappearing down the hall, not bothering to close the front door. No one lives there, anyway.

She sets the box down in the backseat of Lia’s Beetle and drives to the loft, needing a few more things. She takes the photo of her parents and her as a baby off of the counter as it’s literally _glitching_ in and out of reality and decides she has to hurry the hell up. She runs, though without speed, around the loft and doesn’t think too much about what she’s throwing in - she had a general idea anyways. As she’s walking down the outside hall to the elevators, they ding open and her mother steps out, stopping in her tracks as she sees her. Nora doesn’t slow, instead walking right past. She catches Iris’ eye, though. “Sorry.” Iris says. “You just look like someone I used to know. Someone who died a long time ago.”

“I’m sorry for your loss.” Nora says politely, tightening her hold on the box as if that’ll stop it from glitching in and out of reality. “But I just have one of those faces, I guess.”

Iris smiles, and it’s so rare that Nora’s seen that on this version of her mother that she literally has to force herself to step into the elevator. “Yeah, I guess so. Have a good day.” Iris says softly, just as the doors close.

“Goodbye, Mom.” She whispers when she’s alone.

Her next stop is a storage unit not far from Star Labs that she knows her grandparents put some of the stuff they weren’t taking with them in. She types in the code and the wall opens, revealing a few small boxes and a bike she’s sure was her father’s. She takes the photos of her and Jenna, some of her and her grandparents, plus the photo Joe forgot to take of him and Barry, when he was a kid. 

Finally, she’s in the time vault at Star Labs, telling Gideon to download the videos she picked off of her phone onto a chip for her parents, while Nora films a video of her own. When it’s done, she steals a Flash bobblehead and a comic from the Museum and then she’s back on Novu’s plane, asking him to protect this box and the items in it from the timeline changes.

He huffs, which is a little excessive for a god to be honest. “You’re pushing your luck.”

Nora smirks. “Remember that thing I said about all the superheroes fixing _your_ mistake?”

“Fine.” He says.

She grins happily, extending a hand out. “Great! Now, do you happen to have a sharpie and a piece of paper?”

He huffs yet again, though he conjures up both items into her hand. She writes a little note down, wraps the chip in the paper and then writes on the outside of it: _open me first!_ and then places it carefully in the box, closing the lid. The box glows for a second and then he hands it to her as she smiles gratefully. “That’s me.” She says. “You’re welcome, by the way.”

He doesn’t respond to her cheeky remark, just takes her back to Star Labs, 2018. She places the box in the time vault and then takes a deep breath before entering the Cortex. Her mom looks surprised to see her and says, “Well, that was fast.”

“Oh, yeah.” Nora sighs, letting out a breathy laugh. “It was future stuff. I know they’re all going to forget I exist, but I had to say goodbye anyway. It wouldn’t be right not to.”

Iris frowns in sympathy. “Are you okay? That must’ve been hard.”

Nora nods, squeezing her mom’s hand. “It _was_ hard, but I’m alright. I’m happy.” Iris smiles softly and Nora lets go of her hand, turning to the rest of the team. “So, what did I miss?”

“Not much.” Cisco replies. “Although, your mirror gun is the real deal. We tested it on the core and it’s completely gone, as if it was never there in the first place. I hate to say it but Thawne’s plan is actually kind of killer.” He says, and then cringes. “Awful word choice. That’s my bad.”

No one really seems too phased by the comment, though. “Caitlin’s working on making as much of the cure as she can before Cicada releases the virus, Joe and Cecile are at CCPD distributing the cure to anyone who wants it. The rest of us are trying to track Cicada II.” Her dad says.

“Found her!” Ralph says suddenly, staring at the screen.

“It’s Sherloque’s alert.” Cisco explains frantically. “Cicada’s at CCU. Suit up.”

While Nora and her dad are running, she gets that pain in her forehead and she’s able to see through Grace’s eyes, and she’s able to see through Nora’s. When they get to CCU, Grace had expected them and jumped away at just the right time, though she wasn’t able to kill Renée, which Nora’s going to count as a little win. As they’re inspecting the crime scene, though there’s really not much to expect, Iris arrives, clearly worried about Nora. More than usual, she notices. “Mom, I’m okay. I know you’re worried about me dying, but I promised you we’d get a proper goodbye. I intend on keeping that promise.”

Iris crosses her arms, still concerned. “Well, I’m your mother. It’s my job to worry.”

“In other news,” Nora starts. “I think I know how to track Cicada II. While we were running here, I saw through her eyes again. I think we’re still psychically connected. If I can somehow focus in on it, I think I might be able to see her coming in advance, or maybe even notice something about her surroundings so we can see where she’s keeping her younger self.”

“Nora, that’s unbelievably dangerous. There are so many factors we have to consider. What if she uses it to see us?” Her father says, clearly not liking the idea.

“So, I’ll make sure there’s nothing in my eyeline that can give it away.” Nora argues. “Look, it’s really not that dangerous. Mar Novu won’t let me die until the dagger’s destroyed and we can’t stop this virus unless we get the drop on Cicada. This is our best option.”

Barry and Iris exchange a reluctant glance as Barry sighs, nodding. “Fine. I mean, I guess we could use Harry’s mental activity dampener to control your thoughts but if we do this, you gotta do it on your mom and I’s terms. It has to be as safe as possible, I mean it.”

Nora nods. “Deal. Your terms, I promise.”

When they’re back at Star Labs, Cisco’s searching for the hyper-conduit Cicada would need to supercharge the Cryo-Atomizer, but none of them within the CC area fit the bill. Her mother leans against Cisco’s workstation, head in her hands and looking bored out of her mind as he names off companies, only for either Nora or Barry to confirm that they’re not compatible. Ralph stares at the clearboard where Nora’s written down every facet of Thawne’s plan. “Hey, Cicada’s from the future. Nora, where would you find this hyper-conduit in 2048?”

Nora thinks. “Uh, probably Ollins Laboratory. Ollins won a Nobel Prize for quantum engineering.”

“Ollins? As in, Sebastian Ollins?” Cisco asks, a ridiculous look on his face.

“Yeah.” Nora replies simply. “Do you know him? He’s a total genius.”

Cisco scoffs, pacing around the room. “A genius, you say? The guy couldn’t even stay awake through a single physics lecture. In fact, I’m pretty sure if it weren’t for his very smart, _very_ considerate college roommate lending him notes, helping him study, he wouldn’t have made it through his finals. Nobel Prize, my ASS!”

“Yeah, honey. He knows him.” Barry says quietly, a look on his face that says ‘don’t ask’.

“You know what? It doesn’t even matter.” Cisco says, going back to the computer, though none of them believe that he means what he’s saying. “Life’s too short and I’m not about to spend mine worrying about little Sebastian Ollins.” He pauses before announcing, “Found him!”

Barry goes to the warehouse where Ollins is supposedly testing all of his experiments, only to be met with a trap put there by Cicada, and the hyper-conduit nowhere to be seen. “She has it already.” He says into his comms.

“Mom, we have to use my connection with Grace to find her. Now.” Iris takes a breath and then nods, agreeing just as Barry gets back.

“I actually have an idea for that.” Cisco says, pointing. “What if we use the speedster trap we used on Thawne, but I tweak it a little. That way, no matter what happens, Grace can’t get to Nora or control her _and_ she won’t be able to see where we are.”

Nora notices the worry on her father’s face and gives him a soft look, “I know you’re worried I’ll get hurt, but you’ve trained me for this. Do you believe in me?”

“Of course I do.” He says warmly, as if there’s no other way for him to be, nodding.

  
  


Nora smiles. “Then let’s do this.”

\--

“I can’t phase in there if you need me.” Barry says, watching as she steps up onto the platform of the Thawne Trap 2.0.

“But we’ll be here the whole time. We’re not going anywhere.” Iris reassures.

Nora snorts, grinning. “I know, Mom. It’s crazy. Future-You can’t get far enough from me but This-You is a total helicopter.”

Iris scoffs, trying to defend herself. “I am _not_ a helicopter.”

“You’re kind of a helicopter.” Barry mumbles, earning him a shove in his side.

“It’s okay, Mom. I like it this way.” Nora giggles. “You know, being here in this time, I’ve felt like a little kid again. Like no matter what happens, you two always have the answers. Like you’ll pick me up after I fall.”

Iris points at her and speaks sternly. “You are _not_ saying any goodbyes, Nora West-Allen.”

Nora cackles loudly, shaking her head. “No, I’m not. Cisco, start it up.” The blue field around her lights up and she flips the M.A.D over in her hands, taking a deep breath before placing it on her forehead. 

“Hold onto your butts.” Cisco mutters as Nora’s eyes close then open again, though they’re completely black. After a few moments, her body starts convulsing as she’s standing and Barry’s ready to get her out of there, though Iris stops him.

“No, a few more seconds. She’s got this.” Eventually, blood seeps out of her nose and then her eyes open, her legs giving out beneath her as she drops, Cisco turning the trap off as her parents run up to her, catching her before she hits the ground.

“She’s at CCPD.” Nora gasps, clinging to her parents’ hands.

“Why? She could use the Atomizer from anywhere.” Ralph asks as Iris and Barry help Nora to a chair, Iris handing her a tissue to wipe the blood and still keeping a hand on her back.

Iris shrugs. “There’s hundreds of metas there. My guess is she wants to watch it take their lives.”

“Not their lives, their dark matter. She’ll use the metas like a battery.” Nora corrects as Barry wonders aloud what the hell they’re going to do.

Ralph responds immediately, his knack for making light of a terrible situation kicking in at the realization that it’s now or never. “Breach in, lose our powers, destroy the dagger, stop Cicada from Supergirl-ing away and then regroup here for the emotional fallout.”

“Fallout.” Barry snaps his fingers. “That’s it. Cisco, where did you send Fallout’s energy when he was going nuclear?”

“Earth-15. It’s a dead Earth.” Cisco responds immediately.

“Let’s breach the atomizer there.” Barry says, stopping Nora just as she’s about to stand up. “No, honey. You’ve done more than enough.”

To his surprise, she doesn’t protest, just slumps back in her chair and grabs his hand. “Remember, once you’ve destroyed the dagger, we only have three minutes to get to Thawne before the both of us disappear.”

Barry nods, looking at her like he’s trying to take her in for the very last time and then places a hard, long kiss to her forehead. “I love you.” He says against her forehead, kissing her again and then she’s handing him the gun.

“Blast that dagger to hell, Dad.” She smiles.

\--

Barry hesitates.

He can’t do it. He can’t destroy the dagger knowing it’ll kill his daughter, even if it’s for the greater good. He’s a hero, but he’s also a father. “Come on, Dad.” He hears Nora tell him through the comms. “It’s okay. You have to do this.”

“I can’t.” He whispers, a tear falling down his cheek as he shakes his head, trying to will himself to do it.

Luckily, Ralph stretches his arm and steals it off him, Cisco throwing the dagger and then it’s destroyed, Cicada II letting out a scream as her hands start flickering, then she fades away into blue dust and Barry’s heart drops to his stomach. He darts back to Star Labs, staying in Flashtime to buy as much time as possible.

“Dad…” Nora mumbles sadly at the broken look on his face. She steps forward, grabbing his wrists tightly. “We have to go. Now.”

When they arrive in 2048, they get all of the guards out of there and then Thawne’s standing with his back to them, a little confused until it hits him. “Well, well… it seems someone’s figured out how to reverse time. You always were an expeditious learner.”

“I was keeping that one in the back closet. Thought it’d be a nice surprise for you.” Nora replies, face angry and cold.

He turns, smiling wide. “Hmm, how sweet. Now, it appears the student has become the teacher. Is that so?”

Nora shakes her head calmly, knowing that no matter what, even if Thawne miraculously gets away and hides himself in the speed force, she has the upper hand. She won. “I wouldn’t say that. We’ll both be dead in two minutes, anyway. You’re going first, by the way.”

Barry stays silent, fury clear in his eyes and the way he’s clenched his fists, though he doesn’t move. Thawne chuckles, grinning at her in a sickening way. “And why is that? What, are you gonna kill me, Little Runner? You don’t kill. Neither does your father. It’s such a… _weakness_.”

Nora smiles for the first time, purple lightning flickering in her eyes once. “But that doesn’t matter anymore, does it? Because I’m… what was it you said the last time I was here? _I’m dead anyway_.”

With that, she’s chasing him through the empty streets of 2048, Barry following close behind. Just as Thawne’s got the upper hand and running at them, he runs straight into the time sphere, Iris, Ralph, Cisco and Frost climbing out to help them fight. Their plan works for a little while, Barry grabbing Thawne by the suit and pinning him against the back of a sign, ready to end it until Thawne brings up his hand, flickering blue and Barry hears his wife’s terrified voice say his daughter’s name. He turns his head, still using all his strength to hold Thawne in place and sees his daughter is also flickering blue as she falls to the ground, Iris trying to catch her. “You can still save her, Barry. It’s not too late.” Thawne says and Barry snaps his head back, applying more pressure.

“How?” He seethes.

“The negative speed force.” Thawne replies, his voice strained. “It’s where I’m going. You take her there, wait five minutes and then you bring her back to your time. She can stay there forever, you can just make up some story about how you know her. Say you adopted her or something. You can save her, she doesn’t have to die.”

He knows he shouldn’t and that this is what she wants. She’d probably resent him if he did, but he’ll be damned if he stands by and watches his kid die when he knows something could save her. He gives Thawne one last glare and then speeds over to Nora, forcing her to run with him despite her protests. It doesn’t last long though, because he can’t convince her to keep going and save herself. She runs back to where Iris is and Barry has no choice but to follow her.

“Nora, please.” He cries. “Please, I’m not ready for this. I can’t lose you.”

She grabs a hold of him and Iris, who’s sobbing loudly and clinging to Nora as tightly as she can muster. “I know, I’m sorry. But this is how it has to be.” Nora says, turning to Iris. “Okay, Mom. I promised we’d get a goodbye. I hope you practiced your big speech.”

Iris shakes her head, eyes closed tight as she cries. “I love you.”

“Eh, five out of ten. Kind of basic.” Nora jokes and both her parents laugh through their tears, before it makes Barry cry even harder. Nora reaches a hand up, cupping his cheek, though he can barely feel it due to the flickers. She wipes a tear away, smiling up at him as he tries to remember the feeling. “The timeline’s changed. Cicada doesn’t exist so Jenna won’t die. You have to tell Papa and Mama that.”

Barry nods, pulling her and Iris closer so they’re wrapped tightly together. “We all love you. So much.”

Nora sniffs, squeezing him. “Don’t waste time being sad over me. At least until you know whether or not I’ll exist again.”

“I love you.” She says, and then Barry and Iris are stumbling into each other, the feeling of Nora’s body gone and they open their eyes, only to see a few flickers of blue dust blowing in the wind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't worry!! this isn't the last chapter!!
> 
> i know it was a little shorter and seemed to end on a rather sad and abrupt note, but i promise there will be closure in the final chapter. 
> 
> goodbye nora west-allen <3 you have saved the multiverse sweet girl!
> 
> if you'd like to see the scene i cut out of nora reuniting with mia, it will be in a new story that's a part of this series, titled 'if my wishes came true' and it's out now!
> 
> up next: barry and iris attempt to find peace and our doorway to the upcoming crisis is opened. 
> 
> chapter title from 'marjorie' by Taylor Swift


	10. i think i'm finally clean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the epilogue!
> 
> our doorway into crisis has been opened :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Final Chapter!!!!!!!!
> 
> i've absolutely loved writing this series so i just want to say thank you to everyone who read it!
> 
> this story will be continued in an upcoming work that will be the next part in this series, following mia, will & connor's trip into the past and crisis itself, PLUS what my version of a post-crisis world will look like; not only for the arrow clan, but for our saviour nora and her family as well!
> 
> be on the look out :)

They can’t stay in 2048 for long, no matter how hard it is to stand up from their place on the ground, still embracing. The buildings start to flicker, a few of them dusting away and it’s Frost and Ralph that force the two of them up, cramming them into the time sphere and taking them back to 2019. They land in the field just outside Star Labs, but none of them force the two grieving parents to come inside until they’re ready. 

When they return to the Cortex, hand in hand with Barry’s face still red from the tears, they’re all standing in a circle waiting for them, Joe and Cecile included. Joe notices them first, stepping forwards and kissing them both, pulling them in tight. After a moment, he pulls away slightly, leaving a hand on both their faces. “We have to believe that we’ll see her again.”

Iris hums in agreement, eyes teary as Cecile steps forward, hugging them both as well. “Somehow, even though you were in the future, I _felt_ her. I think she was extending her consciousness to try and say goodbye to me. She was at peace, she wasn’t in any pain, and she was _happy_.”

Barry nods, letting out a breath as he wipes at his nose. “She wanted us to tell you, um… now that the timeline’s changed, there’s no Cicada. Jenna will be okay, she made sure of it.”

Cecile squeezes her eyes shut, a tear slipping down when she opens them again. “What an angel. Thank you.”

They pull away as Ralph speaks, leaning against the table. “Nora saved _thousands_ of people. I mean, not just today but in the future, too. Cicada doesn’t exist anymore.”

“She gave Grace a new future.” Caitlin nods.

“She gave all of us one.” Sherloque says, smiling softly. “Without Nora, I never would’ve met the love of my life, Renée. She’s waiting for me on my earth. So my friends, I must go.” He tips his hat, picking up his bag and extends his hand to Barry, shaking it. “An honor, Flash.”

Barry sighs, looking at him sincerely. “We never could’ve done this without you.”

Sherloque smiles, shaking his head. “Don’t be so sure. And don’t be so sure of your daughter’s fate either. She’s a resilient one. I’m sure she’s pleading her case with the universe right now.”

Barry smiles a little, pulling Iris into his side and kissing her head as Sherloque opens a breach, turning to look at the one last time and saying, “Mes amis. Good luck, Team Flash.” before he steps through, disappearing. Joe and Cecile’s phones beep and they pull them out of their pockets, telling the group that it’s Singh.

“He wants us at CCPD. And to bring Barry.” Cecile says, both her and Joe giving them sympathetic looks. Iris tugs on his shirt and tells him to go, no doubt understanding that they both need to be apart from each other for at least a little bit to really process. She wants to be alone, Barry needs to keep busy. He kisses her once and then walks alongside Joe and Cecile outside the Cortex, turning back once to see Iris locked in a hug with Caitlin and Cisco, Ralph’s hand on her back. 

When they get there, Singh tells them that the interim CSI found a woodchip within the broken glass from Cicada’s point of entry and traced it to a cabin in the woods, where they found the younger Grace Gibbons. She’s back in the care of the hospital and when she wakes up, David will see to it personally that she gets in with a good foster family. “Look, I won’t keep you long, but I wanted to say thank you for being at the forefront with Cicada.”

“Just doing our job, sir.” Joe replies, smiling easily.

“You went beyond doing your job, and I know you did it because you care about the people of the city.” David grins. “Which is how I know I can leave it in your capable hands. The Mayor’s offered me the job. Chief of Police.”

Everyone smiles, congratulating him. “That’s amazing.” Joe says, shaking his hand.

“Thank you. Of course, that leaves me responsible for finding my own replacement, and I would like that to be you, Joe.” Joe stammers for a bit at the statement, Barry clapping him on the shoulder happily.

“Captain Joe West. I like the sound of that.” Says Cecile.

David chuckles, reassuring Joe. “Don’t worry. If things get dicey, as they tend to around here, you’ll have plenty of help.” He turns to Barry with a smirk. “Isn’t that right, Flash?” Barry tries to deny it but Singh tells him to give him a little credit as a detective and Barry’s just left stunned.

As David’s leaving, Barry gets a text from Iris that just reads: _time vault_. “Guys, it’s Iris. I have to go.”

Both Cecile and Joe nod before he runs to Star Labs, finding Iris leaning against the wall of the vault and staring at a cardboard box on the floor with Nora’s name scrawled across the top of it. “I didn’t want to open it without you. I think she left it for us.” Iris explains and they both sit down against the wall, pulling the box closer to them.

Barry carefully opens it, making sure not to rip the cardboard and they peer inside, Iris gasping a little at how full it is. Barry picks up the note in it - _open me first!_ \- and unwraps the paper, revealing a chip - _play me!_

He gets up, inserting the chip into Gideon’s console and then sits back down beside Iris as Nora’s smiling face appears on the wall.

_“Hi! Not to be dramatic, but if you’re seeing this, I’m dead. And I know that you’re probably not doing too well with the whole grieving your dead daughter thing, but I really didn’t want the last memory you have of me to be me dying. I know we didn’t really talk about what you saw when you were in my head but from the way you guys acted afterwards, I don’t think you saw a lot of good. Which kind of sucks, because my life wasn’t all bad. I stand by my decision to change the timeline, but when I’m from, I lived an okay life.”_

_“In the box you found this in, I filled it with things that I wanted to share with you guys. There’s pictures and drawings from when I was a kid. There’s a friendship bracelet in there Mia and I made when we first met, a few postcards from the time Jenna spent travelling. If you look on the top, there’s a photo frame of the three of us from when I was a baby. It was Mom’s favourite, she kept it in the living room. Oh! And Dad, I stole a few things from the Flash Museum I thought you might like. There’s a bobblehead and a comic somewhere in there.”_

Iris reaches into the box, pulling out the items as Nora mentions them and hands them over to Barry, the two of them cooing at the photo of baby Nora, Barry getting way too excited over his own bobblehead. “The Cult of Cicada.” Barry says, reading the title of the comic. “Damn.”

Nora continues. _“I left you as much as I could. I just want you guys to know that I loved being a part of your lives and having you be a part of mine. And I believe that one day… I’ll come running home to you. Yep! I said it!”_ Nora laughs loudly, her parents laughing along with her though theirs are a bit more snotty. _“Okay, I’m not gonna do a tearful goodbye because hopefully, I already have. So now, we move on to the final part of this video. Here’s a segment I like to call, ‘Here’s What You Missed!’”_ The words come up on the screen and Nora does some jazz hands, before she fades away and instead, Cisco appears, the date on the bottom of the screen reading April 20, 2023.

_“Okay, it is three in the morning. We are the only ones in this waiting room, but we’re all here because there is about to be a new member of Team Flash. Barry’s in there with Iris right now.”_ Cisco says to the camera before flipping it around to show Joe and Cecile sitting close together on a waiting room seat, Jenna as a toddler playing with Joe’s shoelaces. _“Alright, Grandma and Grandpa. How are you feeling?”_

Barry takes Iris’ hand in his as they watch the scene, Joe and Cecile both arguing over the baby’s sex. _“As long as it’s healthy, that’s all that matters.”_ Cecile says as Cisco turns the camera to Kamilla, who’d just taken a photo of him.

_“And there’s my beautiful wife, taking pictures as always.”_ He says as Kamilla smiles, a little embarrassed.

_“Hey! It’s a special day. Barry and Iris should be able to commemorate it.”_ She argues, leaning down to take a photo of Jenna, who instantly poses once she realizes the camera’s on her.

_“Honey,” Cisco starts, “They’re having a baby. I think they’ll remember this day just fine.”_ he turns to Caitlin, who’s slumped in a chair with her arms crossed. _“And how are you, godmother?”_

Cait smiles. _“I’m excited. Though, Frost wants you to shut up so she can watch Ryan Gosling in peace.”_

Cisco spins the camera around to show the TV in the waiting room. _“La La Land is playing. I gotta say, not my favourite Ryan.”_

_“Oh!_ ” They hear Kamilla’s voice off-camera. _“Ryan! That’s a unisex name. Caitlin, add it to the list.”_

Cisco just grins, sitting himself down in a chair and looking directly into the camera. _“I have to say, Baby West-Allen. You’re not even here yet and this is the happiest we’ve all been in a long time.”_

Caitlin pops her head into frame. “ _Also, you are about to be so spoiled.”_

_“So spoiled.”_ Cisco agrees. _“I mean, your parents are gonna be like, number five on your list of favourite people. It’s me and Cait, then Joe, Cecile and Kamilla. Frost can be after your parents.”_ He gets hit in the side and then they hear Caitlin’s voice go, _“Sorry, that was Frost.”_

Iris and Barry laugh out loud, though they both tense when _Barry_ runs through the hospital doors, everyone in the waiting room going silent until he says, _“Do you guys want to meet her?”_

They all coo, Cecile’s voice in the background going “It’s a girl!” in disbelief and then the video cuts to baby Nora in _Iris_ ’ arms, wrapped in a hospital blanket as everyone fawns over her. Kamilla asks them what the name is and the two of them share a glance before _Barry_ says, “ _Nora Dawn West-Allen.”_

Cisco directs the camera to Joe laughing. _“Well, that didn’t take much. Joe’s crying.”_ and sure enough, Joe has _Barry_ trapped in an embrace, kissing his head and telling him it’s perfect.

The next clip is Nora learning how to walk, trying desperately to reach her father’s arms. When she finally makes it, he beams, lifting her up and kissing all over her face and they can hear _Iris’_ laugh from behind the camera. _“Oh, god. Babe, what are we gonna do when she starts running?”_

He stops what he’s doing and looks at her fearfully, suggesting they put her on a leash.

The next clip is Nora’s first birthday, all of them gathered around the dining table in the loft, opening her presents as Nora sits on Caitlin’s lap, Caitlin insisting they open hers first. Iris rips the paper open and coos, holding the tiny shirt up for everyone to see. Across the front of it is the Star Labs logo and the group cheers, Caitlin shrugging before saying, _“Gotta start sometime.”_

_Iris_ hugs her just as Cisco drops his gift down right in front of her, saying _“No offence, Auntie Caitlin, but I’m about to top you.”_ as the group laughs.

It then moves to Nora as a toddler, chasing Mia around Felicity’s kitchen, then a few clips of Nora in elementary school and as a preteen, singing in the car or laughing over something random with Mia or her grandparents. When she gets to her teen years, Mia surprises her with a cake that says ‘Sorry You Failed’ after she fails her driver’s test and there’s a few videos from various birthday parties, and then one from her high school graduation. There’s a video of her and _Iris_ jumping around all excited when she gets her university acceptance letter and then a video from her first uni New Years’ party, of her and Lia drunkenly singing the lyrics to a song that isn’t out yet in 2019. There are a few more of some parties, Lia and Connor and Mia and Will all laughing and playing games. There’s a video of her uni graduation, all of her friends surprising her with a cake that says ‘You Didn’t Fail’ and Nora laughs so hard she cries. Next, they surprise Will with the news that they’re getting married and it takes him a full five minutes to actually believe them, and then he’s a blubbering mess. When it’s all over, Nora comes back at the end for one final message, asking them to make sure she’s raised with Mia, and then she’s gone, and all they have left is the box she gave them.

They sift through it for a few minutes, Iris literally starting to cry again when she finds the picture of what would’ve been Nora’s wedding dress, until Joe calls them, telling them he thinks they should sleep at his place tonight, which they both agree is probably for the best.

Neither one of them really sleeps much.

\--

Even as the months go by, it doesn’t get easier.

They both opt to bury themselves in their work so that they don’t have to think about it, but at the end of the day, she’s stained their entire city, their home, their minds. She’s everywhere they look.

They go on the honeymoon they never got to go on during the summer, and when they return, Joe has his annual August BBQ, everyone in attendance except for Ralph, who’s out of the country working on a missing persons case. “Kamilla, this salad is amazing.” Barry compliments. “Why don’t we do this more often?”

Cisco snorts, sipping his beer. “Uh, because you two have turned into workaholics over this past summer? And before you say anything: yes, this is an intervention, because Barry, in the words of Taylor Swift, _you need to calm down_.”

Barry frowns, looking equal parts offended and confused as Caitlin clarifies. “Ever since Nora died, you guys have been working yourselves to the bone and we understand it, we do. But we just want to make sure you’re taking care of yourselves and your mental health, too. Not everything has to be done right away and it’s okay to take a step back from it all.”

Barry sighs sadly, nodding. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to overwork you guys.”  
  


Caitlin places a hand on his arm. “We get it. It’s okay.”

“Uh, there’s something I wanted to ask you guys.” Joe starts. “Did Nora ever tell you what date she moved Crisis up to?”

“Didn’t she say this year?” Cisco asks and Joe lets out a breath.

“Yeah, well if that’s true, we don’t have a lot of time left.” He says and Barry nods.

Iris sighs, leaning her cheek against her palm. “Yeah. We’ve just been so distracted with these godspeeds and I mean, no one’s heard anything from Oliver and Felicity in months. Team Arrow’s pretty much completely split up at this point.”

“I’m pretty sure they left to go have Mia, but everything’s changed now because of the timeline.” Barry adds, just as a big gust of wind picks up and there’s a flash of white light, Mar Novu appearing at the end of their table.

“Team Flash.” He says, Joe pulling out his gun only to put it away when Barry tells him it’s Mar Novu. “I am here to warn you of the coming Crisis. It is time to start training.”

  
Cisco scoffs. “Well, you’re overly dramatic.”

“Cisco Ramon.” His voice booms. “As of now, your powers have been returned to you in order to fight in Crisis. I will take them away again when it’s over, if that is what you still desire.”

Cisco groans, muttering, “Then what was the point of taking the cure in the first place?” and then takes a big swig of his beer.

“Your daughter saved over ten billion people across space and time with her sacrifice, but there is still work to do.” The Monitor continues. “I’ve sent Oliver Queen to assemble his team. I suggest you assemble yours. Though, I must inform you, the Crisis has already begun. The Anti-Matter wave is sweeping across the multiverse. What you refer to as Earth-2 and all of its residents have been destroyed.”

“Oh my god.” Iris whispers. “Harry and Jesse…”

“Are gone, yes.” Novu finishes. “On December 10th of this year, the skies will turn red and the fight will begin. You will all be needed in some way, whether it is in battle or to keep the citizens of your earth safe from the fallout. I thank you for your service.”

Then he’s gone.

\--

It’s a Tuesday near the end of October and Barry’s just got out of a training session with Ralph to a text from Caitlin, telling him to come to the lounge, and bring Iris as well.

When they arrive, he’s surprised to see Oliver Queen lounging on the sofa, with two faces Barry recognizes from both Nora’s memories and her goodbye video. “Ollie?” Barry says, and the man shoots up, honestly looking sort of nervous. The other two stay behind him, avoiding eye contact.

“Hey, guys. Sorry for not calling first, it’s sort of complicated.” Oliver says, Barry raising his eyebrows in response. He pauses, as if forcing himself to speak. “So, as you can see, there’s been a new development.”

The girl steps forward awkwardly. “Hi, Aunt Iris. Good to see you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title and chapter title from "Clean" by Taylor Swift
> 
> Ta-Da!! there it is, friends. thanks for coming along on the journey.
> 
> the next part of this series, as previously mentioned, is out now - and i also plan on adding more works within this series, some that will definitely focus on nora, barry and iris!
> 
> leave a comment if you liked it! i'd love to hear all your thoughts about this work from start to finish.
> 
> until next time :)

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Clean" by Taylor Swift
> 
> hope you enjoyed!! leave me a comment if you liked it :)


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